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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

anyone actually get maintanance off there dcs father

28 replies

addictedtolatte · 06/01/2013 23:00

I was dumped 20 Months ago whilst 5 months pregnant. Spent almost every 2 months getting summoned to court by my ex and his sister. They are both divas. He has never paid. Penny yards his ds and dd but is always bad mouthing me to people what a cheek he works cash in hand, claims benefits, runs a van and goes out drinking every week. CSA just accept his explanation he's on benefits. IRS so frustrating. He's also a 3rd benefctorer of his late fathers estate which is valued at 500,000. He just leaves it in probate. Sorry to rant its just so annoying when he demands his rights but what about his children's rights.

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Original poster

addictedtolatte · 06/01/2013 23:29

Anyone?

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millie30 · 06/01/2013 23:49

I get £5 a week, I had to go to the CSA for it after a year of asking and being told by him that he wasn't legally obliged to give me any money. It currently doesn't even cover my travel costs to take my DS to see his Dad.

Original poster

addictedtolatte · 07/01/2013 04:34

Millie that's awful. Why don't these fathers have a natural instinct to want to provide for there children?

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NewPatchesForOld · 07/01/2013 08:30

I am very lucky in that the father of my 2 oldest dc has always paid, every month, since we split 11 years ago. He recently put the money up too, without me even asking.
DD2's father has never paid a penny, and I don't want him to either. he was massively and very seriously abusive and it would be like taking blood money. But then he hasn't seen her since she was 3 and she's 8 now.
Yours seems to be an all too familiar story though OP...I don't understand how some men can just wash their hands of their children.

Original poster

addictedtolatte · 07/01/2013 20:10

Newpatches That's reassuring to know there are still men out there with morals. His dcs will grow up with respect for him like did wit my dad. My dad paid without fail till we turned 18. Sadly he helps out with his grandchildren financially as well as he is caring selfless man who I adore

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DoubleYew · 07/01/2013 22:40

My ex pays. So far.

I've read plenty of stories like yours on here op. I think these men see it like a challenge, a game, to stop "you" getting "their" money. They don't think about the children and presume they live off fresh air. My ex has suggested he shouldn't have to pay when my mum is visiting as she'll be buying food for us. Not taking in to account all the other expenses involved in raising him and the fact that someone else's generosity doesn't take away from his responsibilities.

Amytheflag · 08/01/2013 18:33

My ex pays (so far) too. He has made a few murmurs about how when his income goes up (promotion soon) he won't be increasing the maintenance like he should because he doesn't want me having the extra money. Never mind the fact it isn't for me and is for his child. I think some of them have such strange logic.

girliefriend · 08/01/2013 18:39

Not me but then to be fair I have never tried and never bothered to go down the csa route.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 08/01/2013 22:14

Yes, £250 a month. He's a decent man and a brilliant dad. Not wanting to sound smug (DS was unplanned and his dad is an old drinking pal of mine rather than an XP so we have never had a bitter breakup) just pointing out that there are decent men.

BelleDameSansMerci · 08/01/2013 22:46

My ex gives us the monthly £243 childcare voucher towards after school club (more than covers it) and also pays £250 for a car he gave me (it's sensible - mine isn't). We weren't married. He helps out more if I need it and often buys DD clothes, etc.

Again, not being smug. Just saying that there are men who step up to their financial responsibilities even if they can't keep their trousers on.

datedthedevil · 09/01/2013 00:59

Hi, I've applied to the Csa for my seven week old ds. My ex has demanded a DNA test in an attempt to upset me and delay things.
I've asked if he would be able to give me some money for the weeks that the Csa is not payable but he has refused, saying I live with my mum so don't need any money. This is coming from a man who also lives with his mum and has hardly any outgoings :-/

Lookingatclaus · 09/01/2013 08:40

No I don't. He has point blank refused for over two years. The CSA managed to get two payments off his employers but he went and got himself sacked. He is working again but has made no attempt to pay me anything from anything he has earnt since the summer.

His dd moved in with me as we'll and he told me that she was my responsibility not his, as she lived with me.

It seems that he is only willing to support his girlfriend and family, not his existing children. I don't understand how his girlfriend can think its ok - maybe she doesn't, I don't know - but no doubt he has justified it and blurred the facts around when I left .

Still, I refuse to pay it too much attention. I have a really lovely life and get a certain amount of satisfaction knowing that I am doing a nearly full time job, as well as running a home, doing all the homework/school/activity stuff plus getting my own business off the ground and that am supporting my girls on my own. Meanwhile he seems locked into his bitterness and refusal to do anything to support them. I'd rather be in my shoes.

sanityawol · 09/01/2013 09:26

I went through the CSA after exH chose to move 50 miles away then complained about the cost of petrol to see DD. At the time he was working but had not given DD a penny in the 2years since we split.

I now get a whole £5 a week from him through the CSA plus £1 per week arrears as he is apparently too ill to work .

This is despite the fact that he can do a sport that requires a certain amount of physical fitness, spends a lot of time gaming and writing reviews (so could do an admin job), and can go out drinking and clubbing on a regular basis.

I can't remember the last time he saw DD but it was at least five years ago now, probably more. To be honest, this suits me as I don't have to deal with him.

Yet, and I know I shouldn't look, according to his twitter feed he sets an excellent example to his daughter... That would be an excellent example of how to lie, cheat, run up massive debts that you land on other people, drink too much, smoke too much and take questionable substances. Plus abandon your child and only make contact on an infrequent basis, then when you do get in touch make them promises that you have no intention of keeping.

Sorry for the rant - that's been festering for a while and I keep it to myself in RL.

I don't usually give him a second thought and neither does DD - DH has been in our lives for quite a few years now and is a fantastic step to DD. Can you tell that exH has recently let DD down again and I've had a quick look at what he's been up to?

sanityawol · 09/01/2013 09:50

Sorry, should have said at the start of my post that I'm no longer a lone parent. I did do several years on my own before meeting now DH.

For me, it was never about money as I worked full time and could support DD without exH.

It was more the principle as it winds me up that exH left me with a really shitty situation to sort out and walked away from his responsibilities to DD.

grumpyinthemorning · 09/01/2013 15:24

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem...no, he's hasn't paid a penny, despite being able to afford it. Also only sees DS a couple of times a year. But meh, given the choice between having the money and dealing with the prick, or the current situation - well, I'm happy with this.

Ghostsgowoooh · 09/01/2013 21:50

My eldest dc dad pays maintenance and hasn't missed a payment since 2004.

He sees them regularly too.

The dad of my youngest two dds hasn't paid me a penny since July 2011.

He has stopped seeing them too, because he can't have me.

Twat

mumandboys123 · 11/01/2013 19:50

No. Nothing in 4 years. Self employed ex advertising all over the internet, and me with three children to support and pay childcare for. He sees them - always has except for a period 15 months when he disappeared. CSA at the point of taking his house although I'm not sure it'll actually happen - have been told I'll have a response by the end of this month. Not holding my breath!

Catchingmockingbirds · 11/01/2013 19:54

Sometimes, with the help of the CSA but it's very rarely on time. I'm supposed to get £25 a week for DS.

Original poster

addictedtolatte · 11/01/2013 21:27

Nice to hear about the real men who pay up how lovely for there children to have a dad with values. I don't know how these men who don't pay can sleep at night its there children they are robbing. I feel like I've let my dcs down choosing this bum as there father

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Meglet · 11/01/2013 21:31

Yes, abusive XP has paid the full amount via the CSA for 3yrs. No problems at all. His idea of being a father was providing money but being a total shit.

He hasn't seen them in almost 4yrs, and with a bit of luck he won't see them until they are adults.

marriednotdead · 11/01/2013 21:46

XP watched DD's father dick me about and never pay to support her.

He was disgusted and promised that if we ever had DCs, he would never do that to me. We went on to have DS together, split when he was 2.5. He's paid up every month since. DS is almost 16.

aurorastargazer · 14/01/2013 12:20

rarely has he paid for december - funny that. and always blames the csa for not paying me. he too sees it as me having his money. i could've took him for spousal allowance apparently but ewww no thanks. i never rely on it being in my bacnk account. he has said in front of dd 'go see your fella about paying seeing as he f*s her mother'

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 12:57

My oldest two girls have a good dad who they regularly see and he also provides well for them financially. My youngest dd's father has never paid a penny. He moved abroad when he discovered I could get the CSA after him....

PaperLantern · 18/01/2013 20:04

maintenace..... that's the thing you get out of by exploiting the (many) loopholes in the csa isn't it?

Original poster

addictedtolatte · 18/01/2013 20:17

Lol paperlantern things are looking up for my dcs the dad offered me £1 towards after school fees. I declined the offer I think I was overwhelmed

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