Not having my children at weekends

[Wrenner]

Is there anyone else who doesn't have their children at weekends when they go to their dads? My ex has my children every weekend and is happy to do this but I find it really hard. On the one hand it's nice to have a break as I do 6 nights a week but on the other hand I feel guilty. Like I'm not a mummy and go back to being a single person. I miss them how do other mums cope? Do you get used to it?

Hi OP, that is the case for me too, it is hard and it does get easier. I don't know how to link but look on relationships as there's a recent thread about it there. Or it might be worth posting this on relationships too - there's more traffic.

Thanks xx

It is hard.

Since my ex left with my son 6 years ago and the insane and pointless court fight that led to him being with me 40% of the time I have still not got used to it.

Alternate weekends I am a dad of a brilliant son and we do all the usual stuff. People smile when they see him messing around with him and all's well with the world. And then he goes to his mum's and I'm just a childless bloke (who people probably think is too selfish to have kids).

I used to close his bedroom door when he wasn't with me because it was so upsetting to see his room empty. I don't do that now but it still leaves me with pangs on sadness from time to time.

I think you have to keep yourself busy, do a course, get fit, go out and meet people, have people over to yours, batch cook.

You're still a parent. If something happened to their dad you'd be looking after them that weekend too. Just see it as sharing out the parenting. If you lived with the dad still and you went out for a run every night while he looked after them, you'd still be a mum right? He's just doing his time in one big lump rather than spread across the week.

It's quite unusual for children to have every weekend all weekend with a parent unless the other parent is absent or there are shifts to work around. It means one parent has all the work and running about all the time and the other parent has all the quality time at weekends. A more common arrangement is two or three overnights alternate weekends with perhaps a night or two during the midweeks between every other weekend. That way the quality time at weekends and holidays can be shared 50:50 and both parents have the opportunity to be involved with the school week and can form relationships with the school and school friends, help with homework and do some of the taking and collecting.

I would find that really strange to be honest. My DP has his DCs 50/50 including every weekend and it does feel a little one-sided, although he & his ex are happy with the situation.

Couldn't you compromise and as STIDW says, include some mid-week nights in exchange for every other weekend so that you both get the benefit of some down-time at the weekend and also both get the responsibilities that go with school-day parenting?

i am a family solicitor and have to share contact with my son and I find it hard also, i think its just a case of trying to stay busy and jsut to keep on doing whats best for your children

At the moment though Im not working so in the week I have time to play with them etc I've explained wen ds goes to school it will swap to alternate and have also said if he has plans one wkend then we can re arrange as he has no time to himself as works in the week