Does anyone attend parents evening with their DCs Stepmum?

[NotaDisneyMum]

Just that really?

My ex and his DW have attended their own appointments at primary parents evenings, I've always gone along on my own and seen her teacher at another time.

Now DDs at secondary, the format is different and its likely that ex, his DW and I will be there at the same time.

Should I just suck it up and sit alongside them to talk to DDs tutor? I won't get a word in - but can always go and see her another time - I think it's important that DD sees me there.

Hi NADM.

I can see this being an issue for me too.

Not sure what system is at your dd's school but I would certainly want to see teachers separately and at parents evening if I could rather than at another time.

Schools must be geared up for these family circumstances and accommodate, I'd like to think.

Hmmm, difficult. I've read your past posts, and it isn't likely that your ex's DW would not come is it?

Can you phone your DD's tutor and ask her? They must have come across situations before where the parents can't bear to sit together, so there must be some sort of provision?

I would have happily gone to parents evenings with my DD's SM if my ex had ever given a flying fuck about DD's education and we did all attend prize givings all together, ex, his DW, and my DH.

But a good school should be fine about sorting out separate appointments - I have been in the situation when the parents can't be in the room together so one gets early appt's and the other gets late ones.

First I just want to say how lovely it is for your DD to have a loving mother and stepmother, who both attends parent's evening. However, I would find that a little off-putting for me if I were you, especially as I assume DD lives with you. And especially if stepmum monopolises the conversation. But how do you know she will do that with you being there , afterall she knows you are dds mother.

I can see the change could be awkward for you both and everyone concerned would prefer it to carry on as before.

Will DD be there too? Then yes, it is very important she see you there too. Has she mentioned any preference for you all to be together now?

Sounds tough. I wouldn't want my ex's DW to be there (not a chance of this, as she wants nothing to do with my DCs!). Technically she doesn't have any right to be there, does she? But I would guess the school would rather not cause conflict by trying to keep her out.

My experience of secondary parents evenings are that it is all quite rushed and chaotic. Nobody gets very many words in. Could imagine the school might not be very happy with you trying to see all the teachers separately as some of the teachers teach up to 3 or 4 classes in a year so that's an awful lot of parents to see. My DS was also in charge or booking all the appointments for me, so it might be hard on your DD if you ask her to do book you each separate appointments.

Best think might be to put up with it, but if there are any subjects where you have concerns, ask to talk to the teacher separately, possibly by phone at a later date. I've also had quite useful communication with one of my DS's teachers by email when I was concerned about his lack of progress in English.

Talk with your DD beforehand and see if there are any issues she wants raised, then practice assertiveness at getting yourself heard

Just to clarify - DDs SM will be there because my ex wants her to be, he'll do all the talking, and neither SM or I (or the tutor) will get a word in!

I wish I could have a positive relationship with DDs SM- unfortunately she does as she is told just like I used to do and exH dominates DDs parenting

Hell would freeze over before I breath the same air as Exs OW
She has recently appeared at SS case conferences - luckily SW is very well aware of her role in Exs treatment of the children so she was told to wait outside. I can envisage a time when she pitches up for parents night but as ex currently doesn't 'do' parents evenings (and didn't before we split) I am hoping that it's an issue to be dealt with way in the future.
I wouldn't dream of turning up at a parents evening for a child that wasn't mine - no matter HOW amicable relations were. I think it's one place where there is a need for very clear boundaries about who should attend and who shouldn't.