a few questions on introducing dcs to someone...

[Lucyintheskywithdiamonds]

Ex H and I split up a couple of years ago . For the first time I have now met someone that I can see myself wanting to introduce to my dcs (5 and 10) to. It is early days and we are both of the same mind that it will be a few months yet. But I just have a few questions....
I was thinking when we did that we would take all the dcs (he has a dd) out for the day. But actually as soon as we did that my dd1 would know what the deal was (this is what happened when exH started seeing someone). So is it better to tell her a while beforehand that I have started seeing someone, to let her get used to the idea, before they are introduced? Any other tips of what/what not to do?
hope this makes sense and isn't too rambly. TIA

Anyone?

I think a day out Is a really good idea, it might be obvious to dd but it will be obvious whatever you do. Least if out somewhere you can all have fun and it takes the pressure off everyone.

My DP and I both have kids. We each met the other's kids first before introducing them to each other. DP's knew from the outset that I was new GF (oldest was 13 so no fooling her!) but mine (6 and 10) met him just as a friend of mine at first which was a bit gentler. The kids knew about each other from the start but we only introduced them - at a park - when they all knew me after a few months.

Did find I didn't want to leave it too long as I think it was a little odd for the kids seeing kids who were strangers to them clearly know their parent quite well. Kids mostlt get on v well now though my DD does still find it hard to share me at times

Thank you for your replies. I think I will do a day out type thing, either with his dd too or not. I was just wondering whether it was a plan to talk to dd1 a few weeks beforehand to let her know that I was seeing someone. She isn't daft and at the moment it feels like I am lying to her. But even if I introduce him as a friend she will realise what is going on so just wondered whether, because of her age, is is better to be honest as soon as I am fairly sure of things...

I think it's ok to say you have a boyfriend as long as you explain what a boyfriend is and how most boyfriends are not around forever. I would do it with his dc so it's more a play date type thing. Kids usually get along and go play with each other.

I would def def stress that It's more then friends but not a husband role. If it becomes more serious it's no skin off your nose to have described it as that, and if it doesn't all work out the dc won't be that bothered whether they like him or not because they wouldn't have got that attached.

That's a really good point, thanks Inneedofbrandy.