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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex is leaving his job - Child payments will stop for a while...

17 replies

mama2moo · 18/09/2012 12:43

Shit!!

We have done it all mutually and he pays me a bit more then he should (if you use the calculator).

That money goes towards our rent, bills etc. I am going to be stuffed without it.

There is nothing I can do is there? No where uses that type of money as income.

OP posts:

purpleroses · 18/09/2012 13:00

Not unless your ex has some savings or something that he might be pursuaded to pay you with whilst he looks for a new job. Bit crap of him if he's just decided to leave the job, so you could ask.

AmberLeaf · 18/09/2012 13:03

He's just leaving his job?! voluntarily?

Bloody hell!

Original poster

mama2moo · 18/09/2012 14:11

Its either he goes or he is sacked. He has said he knows that he is leaving me short - Yeah, you think!!

I think I can just about get by but it will be tight. Bloody Christmas is out of the window if he doesnt find something fast

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 18/09/2012 15:45

surely he would get a pay off if sacked /made redundant ? unless it is for gross misconduct? how long has he been there?

how old are the children? can you work?

what sort of sums was in 100s or 1000s per month?

wont you be entitled to beneftis etc if not working or low wage?

Original poster

mama2moo · 18/09/2012 16:30

He will get a 2 month 'pay out'. He has to buy a car with some of that and find another job basically in 2 months!

I work already and have 2 children. I get tax credits but they dont include any money from him because its not classed as an income.

OP posts:

ladydeedy · 18/09/2012 19:16

Sounds like he is under a compromise agreement, i.e. he has to go - he is not leaving voluntarily but his company are being generous and giving him the option to "chose to leave" with the alternative being that they would fire him, which would not bode well for future employment status.
Sadly I dont think there is anything you can do on this occasion.
If you situation is so very dependent upon his contribution each month, that's concerning, especially he continues to be unemployed for a long period of time which is possible - is there anything you can do to increase your own independence and work situation?

purpleroses · 18/09/2012 19:43

Could you increase your hours at work a bit - possibly seeing if your ex can do a school pick up or two, now that he's unemployed?

Original poster

mama2moo · 18/09/2012 20:34

I have tried to increase my hours already but there is no budget in work to do so.

I do depend on it. Its quite a large amount really.

I am in the process of moving house as well. I am trying to get the deposit together then Im off! I will then get housing benefit and will save money because of that but until then I will be very short every month

OP posts:

Original poster

mama2moo · 08/10/2012 16:09

So, he has left his job with 5 months pay.

He doesnt know I know this. I know damn well he will wittle it away like he always does with money. Am I within my rights to ask for 5 months payments up front or some sort of agreement that he pays 5 months as he has the money??

If I dont have his payments my children wont be eating much food at all

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 08/10/2012 16:34

I think you're within your rights to ask, whether he will give it to you or not is another matter

NotaDisneyMum · 08/10/2012 17:14

Is it a redundancy payment, or PILON?

If the latter, it would be assessed by the CSA as taxable income and he would be expected to continue paying for 5 months - but as soon as he receives JSA, that overrides any CSA calculation anyway; is he eligible?

If he has regular contact with the DCs, then forcing him to pay may jeopardise that if he has to move to secure work, for instance - can you put a price on your DCs relationship with their Dad?
I don't mean that flippantly - both my DP and I have been made redundant over the last 12 months and our redundancy payments have kept a roof over our head and food on the table since then - but there's still a shortfall each month which means we're getting into debt and all the non-essentials (including the TV) went months ago

Original poster

mama2moo · 08/10/2012 17:59

He has been paid 5 months money to leave now rather then be sacked.

It will be taxable. Maybe I will try to speak to the CSA and then contact him.

OP posts:

allnewtaketwo · 10/10/2012 08:04

mama2moo - I don't mean to be flippant, but if the maintenance money goes towards rent and bills, and you won't be able to eat without it, it is possible that your expenditure can be cut down? I see you work - presumably you receive tax credits etc? Would it be possible to look at reducing your housing costs so you're not so reliant on this money to the extent that you can't eat without it?

Lookingatclouds · 10/10/2012 11:14

I think you need to do all you can to ensure that your children are housed and fed. It's not just your responsibility. If he has received 5 months' money there is no reason why he can't give you 5 months payment to ensure the children are ok for the next few months. You are doing all you can at your end, he needs to do the same.

Do you think he is trying to hide that money from you? It would definitely be worth speaking with the CSA to see where you stand. Would he consider giving you the money for the deposit for your new place from his lump sum so that you can move - in fact if he were to pay you 5 months' money all at once you could you use that?

NotaDisneyMum · 10/10/2012 18:01

Would he consider giving you the money for the deposit for your new place from his lump sum so that you can move - in fact if he were to pay you 5 months' money all at once you could you use that?

Problem is, if he does that and doesn't secure another job - then he could be penniless a lot sooner, and not have his lump sum to fall back on and cover his costs. It then becomes a vicious circle - if the OP's ex can't get another job before his money runs out, then the OP is far less likely to see any money in the future - it will be a lot harder for her ex to get a job if he's homeless. I get that the DC is entitled to some of the payoff - but they are also entitled to long term financial stability, and a relationship with their Dad, and it may be that not all of these can be achieved.

When parents are together, and one gets made redundant or loses their job, the DC's are affected because there is less money coming into the household. Unfortunately, it is often the case that when parents are separated and the NRP has a loss of income, the RP expects to maintain the same standard of living, regardless of the debt that causes the NRP to incur.
I'm not saying that is the case here, as the OP is clearly struggling to make ends meet - but I do think that both households need to re-budget when one parent experiences a loss/reduction in income.

Original poster

mama2moo · 10/10/2012 19:26

He has agreed to giving me the money up front when he gets paid!! Im going to put it away and take out as little as I can. That way if he doesnt find work for a while I still have some left.

But, this has been a good thing for me because I now know I cant rely on his money to feed my children. I move in a few weeks and will be budgeting to make sure his money is 'extra' and will pay for Christmas presents, school uniform and any other things the girls might need.

Thanks everyone for you help and advise.

OP posts:

Lookingatclouds · 10/10/2012 22:34

That is good news, I expect you're relieved.

I think the priority always has to be the children, and that they should be provided for by both parents. If one is doing all they can to earn money and support them, and the other provides nothing while sitting on a lump sum of nearly half a year's wages then something's amiss. If he were sacked and had no income then it would be a different story.

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