Advice for soon to be lone parent...

[whatdoItellher]

DH battling with alcoholism, we have no money left and our relationship is in tatters. I have told him that unless he gets well our relationship is over.

I would be grateful for any advice you may have... practical or emotional or anything else for that matter.

I am terrified

Thanks

oh heavens, what a miserable situation. You might want to get to the Citizens advice bureau for financial advice.

I think Relate offer reduced rate counselling if you are short of cash, although if he has alcohol problems he should probably be heading off to AA first.

that's all I can think of off the top of my head......

Hi,

Sorry to hear of how bad things are. I think the 1st thing you need to look at is the practical side of things i.e. finances and where you/your kids will live. Find out what you would be entitled to, benefit/tax credit wise so you can work out what budget you will have to live with. Check out this website - it's pretty good for giving you an idea as to what you will get - www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx Maintenance - if your OH is working (and somehow able to maintain that) you would be best to go through CSA - if there are any issues with him not paying maintenance, they will (eventually) ensure the money he is due to pay will be paid. Best not to rely on this money initially as you get very stressed if it isn't paid, and the more you try and avoid that stress the better for you and your kids.

Emotionally - you might thrive with the stress the situation you are in, lifted from your shoulders, or you might struggle if you are still emotionally attached to your relationship/OH. It's hard to say, and with the responsibility of looking after your kids alone, sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. You need to hang onto the notion that things will eventually get better, and when you get there, you'll look back and be amazed at what you went through.

It's often the unknown that we fear the most, along with all the horror stories you read about. Ignore all that, and just get as much information as you can on the practical side of things - that alone will keep you focused on what needs to be done, and will help you get through is. Speak to CAB, a solicitor etc. and get good legal advice as well, once you are ready to address that side of things.

Good luck, I hope you get to resolve things whatever you choose to do.

I have nothing to say that is helpful except echoing the above advice, but just wanted to send you the very best - a horrible situation for you all

Hmm, a familiar scenario here. Being a lone parent is a lot easier than parenting with an alcoholic. And if you are just starting with a family, you will never have anything to compare it to anyway. I have made lots of friends who are in the same situation. We all help each other out, emotionally and where possible practically. You probably already know that alcoholics have to WANT to change themselves. There is nothing you can do. I have had to sever any lingering attachment to or concern for my ex and I feel better for it. Sad but true.