My ex is on a dating website...

[Mobly]

Which is fine in itself, obviously, but on his profile it says he 'enjoys taking his children out for tea', when the truth is he has never taken them out for tea. He went a month without seeing them recently.

I feel sorry for the poor woman he next meets.

I know it's none of my business but it bothers me. Irrationally.

Mobly, sounds like you're well rid. God help the next one he puts himself upon. I can understand your annoyance though. I remember my ex having saw me on a dating website, where I dared to suggest I have a child (most of them do ask you to indicate whether you have children) that I was using 'his' child to sell myself. There's nothing you can do about your ex - here's hoping he does't 'irrationally bother' you for too much longer.

I put on my CV that I enjoy swimming and gardening. Because I do, but I don't get to do them very often any more...
Think this may be a similar thing. A way of bringing up he has dc without having to put too much detail. And maybe he did enjoy doing that before you split up..?

It will be obvious very quickly to any woman he gets involved with that he may enjoy it but he doesn't actually do it. Course he'll probably also tell them that it's because you don't let him (or am I pigeon holeing him...)

The truth will come out at some point. Don't let it bother you though, not your problem any more.

Agree with gillybean 100%. Anyone who gets with him will soon find out the truth

Why do women do this to themselves?

Why, when a relationship ends do they insist on trawling after what their ex is doing now?

Why care? you are clearly well rid of him. Anything you find out will only cause you anger/upset/pain.

Is it really worth it? just get on with your life and ignorer his.

I generally don't Penelope. I know this comes across as otherwise.

It's all a bit messy at the moment. He has nowhere to have the children so he has them at my house (not really working well though).

I try to avoid talking to him altogether. He owes me money, and he left his bank card here so I went on his online banking. I was considering transferring the money he owed but I didn't in the end because it would have caused trouble.

I noticed he had joined a website which is honestly fine. The only really weird thing is that it was a website that I was on when we split up last time- which he knew about. He told me to deregister- so I did. But now he is on there.

Anyway, he came back and started accusing me of going on dating websites (when I knew he was already on one) and I haven't been on one this time anyway. Don't have the time or the inclination.

He is using the children to make himself look like a good dad but it's not really true.

He is an abusive man and he is on a course for abusers. He really ought to have put that one down in his hobbies and interests.

Thank for replying though everyone.

I know I'm coming across slightly unhinged it's just he always leaves me confused and wondering if there is any reason in his head.

I totally understand your frustration at his life moving forward as though what he did to you didn't happen. It is annoying to see him seemingly so happy and carefree after the pain and stress he caused you.

But honestly, us women do ourselves no favours.

I am glad you didn't go ahead and transfer the funds. it would have been illegal and would have caused him reason to be even more angry and hurtfull than he is now.

Do not end money, do not allow him to use your home. He picks up DC and drops them. off. Do not speak to him unless it directly involves the children.

Do not allow him to infect your life.

oh god I had similar last year - wasn't "trawling" for him - he happened to come up in my search results on a dating website. And being the nosey cow that I am couldn't help but have a nose to see how shite his profile was (it was )

Except mine was the opposite.........he apparently has no children.............

You're right. I did the no contact thing last time. I had to get the police involved a few times because he was harassing me and threatening me. I was really strong.... but then he called my mum crying. He begged, pleaded, said he had realised what he lost, that he would do anyhting etc etc.

I told him to join a course for abusive men, which he did, and I gave him another chance against my better judgement.

He left 2 weeks ago, leaving us in a mess financially, whereas I was fine before.

He still now texts saying he loves me- which I know isn't true.

Wish he would just fuck off to be honest but I find if I'm civil with him, even though he is still a cock, he doesn't get as nasty as when I cut him off completely.

If I cut him off from me, he takes it out on boys by not seeing them.

It's really sad.

Oh god Baroque- what a nobber.

Mobly, I understand where you're coming from but have to agree with penelope. He's still controlling you and playing games. You're civil to him because then he doesn't get as nasty? Seriously?

Get thee straight to Women's Aid and chuck in the Lundy Bancrcft book for good measure. Sorry to sound harsh, but do you still want to be pussyfooting around him in ten years time?

mobly - You will be doing nothing wrong.

If he refuses to see your boys simply because you are no longer allowing him to control you then that is his problem.

don't allow him to use this emotional stick to beat you with.

Agree with the two pp's.

I have to admit seeing this thread only reinforces my resolve to avoid men with kids like the plague.

Mobly - I think ex's should have a special section where they can comment on profiles - would save other women a lot of grief

Just take it all with a pinch
of salt. My friend ex wife is apparently 41 (she was 3 years above me at school and I am 43) and has no children (so whose are the two always round at my house). She enjoys watching football (one arsenal game) and drinking champagne ( in my experience only when she is not paying for it).

Everyone knows these sites are full of lies- rise gracefully above it.

Oh yes and she is a natural blonde- funny how it looks Ginger in the school photos then.

Queenofwhatever, the stupid thing is I know! I have read some of the Lundy book. I know he is trying to control me.

I am going to have to take a step back and reassess the situation. I was hoping he would calm down over time, realise it was over and get over it. I only think he acts like a dick because he is worried I will meet someone (and obviously it's his personality).

Chippingin, that's a good idea- if only.

Thanks everyone else for your replies- it's nice to have a bit of support.

Update for anyone interested: He has asked if he can see boys tonight. On monday he came round on the premise that he was not to talk to me at all- he didn't keep his promise- he moaned about the boys not going to sleep very well, he started his usual rubbish basically.

So tonight I said I didn't have a problem with him seeing the boys but maybe he should take them out for tea to avoid a repeat of monday.

He said he couldn't take them out for tea as he wouldn't have anyone to help and it would be too difficult for him.

He is trying to get me to go out the cheeky fucker. Turf me out of my own home so he can use it to see boys! Thing is if he actually ever gave me notice I could make plans.

On sat I wanted to go out with an old uni friend and although XP wasn't working he refused to have the boys as he said he had had DS1 during the day.

He won't have boys if he thinks I may be going out- as in pub or bar. He is afraid I will pull I think. It's all rather sad and pathetic.