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Original poster

Kid's party etiquette in France

28 replies

scouserabroad · 25/04/2010 21:55

Apologies if this has been covered before...

Haven't organised any kind of party for years but am wondering what to do for DD1s 4th birthday. Would it be OK to invite the kids from DD1s class for some kind of birthday tea / party? I think I'd do this in the UK but not sure what happens here in France... The other kids who have had birthdays def haven't had whole class parties, would it be best to invite just the ones she plays with the most? (Imagines nightmare scenario of DD waiting next to birthday cake for kids who don't turn up).

I'm not really friends with any of the other parents at school, just say hi & chat a bit at pick up time, but that is all. The thing is it's a small village and everyone else seems to have known each other all their lives, and so have their parents before them, and prob their grandparents too. Nobody else has to ask what the done thing is!

OP posts:

castille · 25/04/2010 22:01

Party etiquette is much the same.

Invite whoever she likes best, not the whole class. Parents can be slow to reply just as in the UK.

Parties tend to be longer - most mine have been to have said "collect whenever".

They don't tend to do a big tea, usually just a cake.

Can't think of anything else...

BriocheDoree · 26/04/2010 06:34

Worth noting that most parents won't stay with their kids - even 4-year-olds, so you will need to reckon on having a house full of 4-year-olds (we usually invite about 8, but DD's birthday is pentecost weekend so sometimes only end up with 4 or 5 which is a nice number for our small appt!)
The French don't get pass the parcel - around here they always play a sort of fishing game where everyone fishes out a small present.
Personally I usually state the times - something like 3 until 6. Kids will only expect gouter, like Castille says.

frakkinnuts · 26/04/2010 06:41

Small party and themes are creeping in. Kids are often charmed by quaint English games that don't have a French equivalent so don't rule them out!

I don't know what small village etiquette is but try to make sure you don't accidentally offend any village bigwigs and not invite the mayors daughter or something.

Weta · 26/04/2010 08:37

We always had small parties (6-10 kids, more like 6 at that age), and I think the biggest one DS1 ever went to was about 15 kids. I always stated a time (2-3 hours, again I'd go with shorter at that age), and people only expect cake really (though most parents will also provide sweets).

Actually I found this the best way to get to know people, especially if you only invite a few kids - it's true that people do dump the kids and run, but they would generally stay for half an hour or so when they pick them up and you get a chance to chat to them. Make sure you have some cake left and offer them something to drink

We always did a theme and organised a few party games, mainly to keep the children busy so they didn't trash the house! They liked pin the tail on the donkey (or dinosaur or whatever the theme was), pass the parcel was ok but they don't really get it at that age, plus we found craft stuff like making party hats went down well, skittles, 1-2-3 Soleil is a good French one if you know that. Most of the French parents didn't do games, but they always thought our parties were great

I was really nervous the first time but actually think French parties are far less daunting as so little is expected in the way of food and it's acceptable to invite a small number of kids.

Weta · 26/04/2010 08:38

By the way, put on the invitation a request that they confirm their attendance (with your details) and then just ask people when you see them if they haven't responded.

teafortwo · 26/04/2010 09:06

pinkhousesarebest · 26/04/2010 19:35

The key to a sucessful party in France Scouser, I kid you not, is the ammount of gelatine you are willing to provide. I had one on Saturday, and am going to have another on Wednesday, both of them two months overdue as the weather was so vile. I did loads of baking, but to no avail, as this year, like every other year, the clients complain about the lack of sweets, those awful gluey, bright blue things that come home from every party.

BriocheDoree · 26/04/2010 20:59

Haribo c'est beau la vie...pour les grands et tout petits

Must admit, I was HORRIFIED at first French party how many sweets they give out. Now a few years on I'm used to it, but must admit that I take my kids to the dentist more than most French parents I know!!

dilbertina · 26/04/2010 22:35

Lightbulb moment about party dd went to where they only got cake and the most enormous bowl of foamy strawberry sweet things (which actually were quite nice)

pinkhousesarebest · 26/04/2010 22:51

One of the mums said to me this morning (and not, I assure you in a congratulatory way, more pitying really) how dismayed her child had been by the lack of bonbons.

castille · 27/04/2010 08:30

The foamy strawberry things are Fraises Tagada. The French have an unfathomable obsession with them.

Also the definition of birthday cake is very broad - the DDs have had all sorts of things at parties, from elaborate creations made with biscuits and lots of Haribo to stacks of crepes and apple crumble.

Weta · 27/04/2010 09:48

Our neighbours were most distressed at the thought DS1 couldn't partake of the fraises tagada because of his allergy!

In the end I just used to make a cake, decorated with sweets, maybe some fairy cakes as well, and a little bowl of fruit for each child and then put some sweets in the bag. Never had any complaints except from my English friend's older son who asked where the sweets were (having been to too many French parties)!!

Original poster

scouserabroad · 27/04/2010 16:37

wow thank you all for all the advice! MN is so great for that, wouldn't like to ask other parents at school "how do you have a party?" but here tis ok ;)

Will def have a party for DD1 but it isn't until June anyway (forward thinking, for once!)... sweets & games it is!

OP posts:

othersideofthechannel · 27/04/2010 18:28

I have seen the bowls of sweets at other parties but haven't done that yet, and no one has complained to my face yet.

However I have organised pass the parcel with a sweet in each layer and a treasure hunt with little packets of sweets hidden in the garden.

frakkinnuts · 28/04/2010 17:35

You can ask anything on MN....absolutely anything

walkthedinosaur · 28/04/2010 17:45

I've done a couple now one in summer, one in winter - never invited the whole class just about 10 friends.

Summer shoved them all outside with paddling pool, water pistols, water bombs etc they had a fab time. Took them all indoors at teatime for mini pizzas, ice cream etc - none of them ate it and asked where were the sweets. These were 7 year olds.

The winter one was for a 5 year old, had about 7 kids I think, they played pass the parcel which they thought was really cute and then I played other party games with them, got them decorating some biscuits and stuff too. Again, they didn't want the mini pizzas but guzzled the crisps and sweets.

All of them have loved party bags which while I don't think is a big thing in France the children are starting to get used to them.

I have been to parties where I've seen big bowls of sweets everywhere and children getting higher and higher on sugar and E numbers.

frakkinnuts · 28/04/2010 18:00

walk - how's your DS getting on? E-mail if you don't want to post on here.

walkthedinosaur · 28/04/2010 20:42

Hello frakkin how are you? He's doing OK I think, necessary paperwork gone into relevant departments, dyslexia assessments in the process of being made, regular appointments with various doctors, so all good stuff, but French of course so lots of paperwork and takes a while to process.

Sorry for the thread hijack everyone.

Oh and back on track with the party thing, because I don't often see parents at school because I'm at work, I put telephone number and email on the invites and generally that way got quite a few of responses before the party.

jenpet · 29/04/2010 08:01

I agree about the whole expected-bowl-of-sweets thing, but actually, you can get away with not doing it because you're not French. Do what you like, it gives people something to talk about! I also agree smaller is better at this age - 3 or 4 of the friends she plays with is fine, also don't go mad planning loads of games, but have a couple of easy things ready in case they start falling out/fighting/wandering off etc (or is that just boys!) something like musical chairs maybe. Also I wouldn't worry about children not coming - I've never invited a French child who didn't come!

btw am I going mad or are you the lady who lives on the Presqu'ile du Rhuys??!!

Original poster

scouserabroad · 29/04/2010 13:57

Jenpet, yes that's me! It's so lovely around here at the moment, sun and beach & birds singing, flowers everywhere... Everything is just so nice! (OK, slight in-love-with-presqu'ile-de-Rhuys moment. Will get back to work now!)

OP posts:

castille · 29/04/2010 20:29

Scouser - we are down your way quite a lot then! My inlaws have a place down there. It's lovely, lucky you.

ponygirl17 · 29/04/2010 22:02

Parties in france much easier than in the UK, I wouldn't bother with food all the kids here only like eating sweets (aagghh!) most of them wouldn't touch a cake, and we have organised party games, but that was more for my kids benefit than anything else. We do live in the country though, so maybe less is expected.

We have broken the mould though, by playing musical chairs, bumps or statues, which all the kids loved, had a party on a sunday (strict family day!) and even done pony rides in the garden as we are lucky enough to have ponies... I think that year dd1 was in great favour at school!!

Times accepted here are about 2pm to 6pm ish

Bonsoir · 30/04/2010 20:53

IME, if you invite French 4 year olds to a birthday party, their parents won't expect to stay and will drop their children at the door and run. So you need to organised entertainment and childcare accordingly! Most French parents use an entertainer. They can be very, very bossy! Not necessarily much fun, though the children are normally immune to being told off/shouted at!

Original poster

scouserabroad · 26/06/2010 18:25

helloo, just reviving this thread to say that the party went fine, 3 kids plus my two DDs, they ate sweets, crisps & icecream, played that fishing game all the french kids seem to love (I made fishing lines and everything, which they fought over to take home ). Then they played with all DDs stuff & then went home.

Quite a few children I invited couldn't / didn't come which I was a bit about but with hindsight a small number of children was definitely better, they all played together and didn't manage to trash the flat

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 27/06/2010 05:43

What fishing game do you mean?

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