How to make friends in a new area with no school gate?

[nocrystalballs]

We are looking at moving counties next summer with kids ages 13 and 16, so due to start y9 and y12

my experience is that it’s much harder to meet other parents at secondary… we have lived in our current village for 15 years so not sure how we would meet new people. We don’t have a dog for walks…

I joined a gym
went to classes

Made friends line that and from there is just expanded.

also work presumably, colleagues?

You have to put yourself out there a bit... Work, clubs, classes to learn the language if that applies. It's a lot easier these days because there will also be local groups on social media you can search for and join.

Join the PA at the school and participate. Yes you will meet some annoying mothers but also some really lovely people.
If the school has meetings for parents go and met other parents and ask them for coffee etc.
Language classes.
Gym/hobbies classes.
Fund local Facebook groups and post about meeting up to meet people.
You will have to meet some frogs before you meet friends but it/ms worth it.
Some areas - especially if there is a city will have clubs eg my town has an international women’s association and also a American women’s club.

All the ways people without children, or with adult children who’ve flown the nest do! Work, volunteering, sports, neighbours, book clubs, hobby or language classes, choirs, church, random encounters etc etc.

We moved countries in 2020 and I’ve made friends through work, a local beach litterpick, a language class, chatting to people sitting around me at an opera relay from the Met, a therapy group, neighbours, singing in a charity choir etc. Just be open to stuff.

I agree with the previous posters.

Neigbours
Choir
Book clubs
Hobbies
Language classes
etc.

And give it time! It can take a while to really make friends, but if you are in a group where you all have similar interests, you will always have something to talk about.

And also, keep in touch with your current/old friends. They can visit you, and you can visit them.

The only time DM ever joined the WI was to meet people when we lived overseas. Nearly 50 years later, she’s still in touch with some of the friends she made then.

Is it a country with a large expat population? If so, it highly likely there's a Facebook group of expat mums/women, and they will have suggestions as well as regular meet-ups.

But on my last two moves, a combination of the following
Walking Clubs and Yoga mornings - I find gyms very solo activities; people come and go, but yoga seems to attract people who hang around and talk after
Museums volunteering - often a lot of socials, talks, book clubs
School sessions - with the 16-year-old, you're hitting prime exam years so there will be a lot of information sessions
Connections before I went through friends of friends
The aforementioned Facebook pages

My rule is just to say yes to everything; you'll meet more people and sooner find the ones you connect with.

I think she said county not country but dunno if it’s a typo. Good advice if she’s moving abroad.

How far away is it from your current home that you need to make new friends?
I find it is easier to make friends through natural experiences not forced. Is there a reason it needs to be other parents? Perhaps you could volunteer at school events if so? Otherwise depending on area - gym classes, book club, community groups? Have a look for local fb groups or the next door app. You could start your own little walking group? There is always someone looking for an exercise buddy!

Confusingly though, this has been posted in "Living Overseas"

@nocrystalballs can you clarify ?

Ah yes, I hang out in the Living Overseas threads, so I defaulted/misread it as Country. But I guess the activities still apply and who knows maybe County Facebook groups would help 😉

At those ages you don’t really make friends with your kids friends parents anyway 😂 . Just do it the way Childless people make friends? Usually groups or hobbies.