Six months in and struggling

[cowboyparty]

I moved from UK to an EU country 6 months ago. I moved with my husband for his job. I have given up my career in the process. I am really struggling and at the moment all I can think about is going back home to UK. Is this to be expected around the six month mark? I thought I was doing ok but seem to have hit a brick wall. I guess I am looking for some reassurance from people who have been in this position.

Yes, classic. Long enough for the shiny new feelings to have worn off, not long enough to have put down real roots. Do you have many friends there yet?

I am also originally from the UK, but live in a continental European country now. It took me about 5 years to really put down roots and find a genuine friendship group and learn enough of the language not to feel like a complete outsider. After about 7 years, this started to feel like my home.

I have been here about 16 years now and I still love going to back to the UK, and I do miss my friends and family there and not seeing them every day, but it feels like a holiday place, not my home any more.

Yes it’s really normal.
Having a routine and joining some clubs and activities can help.
And learning the language if you don’t already know it.
what @PeatandDieselfan writes is very familiar to me. Also in EU

I know people will tell you to learn the language and make local friends, but it's not always that easy, and you need friends now. Are you in an international area? I'm in Paris, and the majority of my friends come from the nearby international school parent community.

Also, depending on what country you're in, a lot of towns have welcome groups; I volunteer for my local one.

Do language classes in the meantime, join a gym, seek out international women's groups. I'm not by nature outgoing, but I really had to tart myself out a bit. 4 years in, and I love it.

Thanks both. I really want this to work as my husband is so much happier here. He was on the brink of burnout before we came over. It’s reassuring that what I am feeling is normal at this stage. I’m learning the language but it’s very slow going. I’m trying to get into a good routine but it’s hard when you don’t really have anyone to do things with. Onwards and upwards….

Sorry missed your post @OriundaI’m in Geneva so very international. There is an international women’s group which I am planning to join but I just haven’t found the confidence to do it yet. You’re right that I need to be a bit braver and put myself out there but I’m still finding everything so overwhelming

Do you work? Do you have children? These were the main ways I met (and continue to meet) new people - other than the friends and family of my husband, who is local.

I work in tourism mainly, so at the beginning it didn't matter that I didn't have much of the local language, plus continually meeting people on holiday was a constant reminder of how nice it is here.

But I think it does just take time, even if you are doing everything "right" there is no way to speed up the process, you just have to hang in there.

You are in Geneva? I’m in Switzerland - near Zurich.
Definitely join the International women’s group. Also there is an Americans women’s group as well- you usually don’t have to be American to join.
The language will help I have to say. Plus at inperson classes often you meet people.
Doing things at the weekend with DH used to help me too.

Do you have DC? How are they settling in?

Gentle encouragement from me for you to give the international groups a try. Would it help to think about turning up to try a few of there meetings, rather than just the black and white join or not join.

You have moved countries and are finding your feet. These groups ate all about friendships in exactly that situation. You have at least one thing in common with most of the members , have at it.

thd first connections are always the most difficult. If if you don’t enjoy the actual meetings, there may be other like minded people there. Of the people you do meet might know of others who haven’t quite got round to joining yet, too. You could get your know them over coffee and go together in future. Enjoy.

Thanks all. Feeling more positive about things now. My children are adults and have stayed in UK. I’ve essentially taken early retirement so I have had the double adjustment of giving up a professional career as well as starting a new life abroad. My mission for next week is to join the American International women’s club. Thank you for giving me the push I need.

As others have said it is normal - I’d say you need a full year. Agree with joining groups - you only need to click with one person!

Also the Swiss are not know for being the friendliest I can say that.
I can reccomend Mah Jong for a fun thing that switches your brain off.
Also maybe look for a gym with a sauna abs steam room - aka Wellness. There are some really nice ones and they often do women only days or afternoons.

I am not in Switzerland (although a close friend from here relocated to Geneva last year as her husband works for the UN) but I am a "trailing spouse" .... go to the international womens meet ups, what day is it on? ... even if you think you wont like the topic/game/whatever it is happening... it is a way to meet other people who be or will have experienced similar feelings to you right now. In my current location, the "best" group is a group that meets to play cards at a hotel over lunch. I have been going for 2 years and can barely identify a spade from a club (not exagerating!) but it is still something that I look forward to each week as the ladies are all so welcoming even though we range from late 20s to late 70s at lots of different stages of life. I am closer to some of the group than others and we meet up separately, then there are others who I only see occassionally at cards.

I have a friend who moved to Geneva 3 years ago who has plenty of activities with her very international “club” but there’s a lot of movement and she wouldn’t really say she’s made friends. She is settled though and they plan to stay until retirement.