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Living overseas

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Original poster

Why is it that just as I start to feel as if I´ve turned a corner...

28 replies

bebespain · 27/06/2007 14:39

...something happens to make me question yet again why I am even here...?

simple trip to the Doctors´ for my 6 month old baby boys check up (details in Health if anybodys that interested) makes me think that no, I do not understand this culture and their way of doing things, that no, I probably never will and perhaps I should just stop trying, coz believe me I do...

Makes me want to hide myself and my LO away and never bother going out again, it would be so much easier... oh, Im so tired of taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back all the time

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 27/06/2007 14:40

hello

Can be tough, can't it? Is your dp Spanish? I can't remember

mamama · 27/06/2007 14:48

It's always hard to adapt to a different culture. No matter how much you love the country you live in, embrace its culture or how hard you work to fit in, I think there will always be reminders that you are not one of them (thats what people often say to me)

I haven't read your other thread but I hope your LO is ok.

meowmix · 27/06/2007 14:59

you have my sympathy - it is bewildering sometimes, but hopefully all evens out in the end. Just think that every time you do something you get a bit closer to working out how to work the systems for your own advantage.

am trying to open a bank account myself and oh my god what a palava. letters from sponsors, letters from employers, residents permits, 6 months UK bank statements... urgh

belgo · 27/06/2007 15:04

bebespain - I've just seen your thread, and I'm not surprised you're upset.

One thing I've learnt after five years in Belgium is to be very assertive and sure of myself, otherwise people just do what they want without really consulting you.

Original poster
bebespain · 27/06/2007 15:12

Thanks ladies - you´re replies really help me
Yes SSSandy2 dp is Spanish. He keeps telling me to get a grip
Belgo - I completely agree with you buta ny assertiveness I had has vanished since I´ve been here. I go to pieces in these sorts of situations
Mamama - LO OK now thanks for asking

OP posts:
meowmix · 27/06/2007 15:16

Hang in there. How long have you been in Spain? Is there a friendly local who can help you out? I'd be lost without my neighbour sometimes esp as I seem incapable of learning arabic.

LIZS · 27/06/2007 15:19

I remember that feeling , can be very soul destroying. have you been there long ?

Original poster
bebespain · 27/06/2007 15:57

Nearly a year so not long at all. I know it can take much longer to get settled but I´m sure things should be getting better by now
Every good day seems to be followed by three bad. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel??!!

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 27/06/2007 16:13

No it really isn't a long time so don't expect too much from yourself. And in that year you were pregnant and have had a baby to look after. That can be very hard, where ever you live. I'm surprised your dh isn't more understanding but perhaps to him everything seems so normal that he cannot put himself in your shoes?

Can you link to the thread in "health" because I couldn't find it? Thanks!

debinaustria · 27/06/2007 16:26

HI

I understand you completely. I had to go to some offices the other day to claim some money back to do with health and I tried really hard to speak German, and this woman just shouted at me to come back again with someone who spoke German ( which I did the next day and it's all sorted)so I said in my best German thank you for your help and walked out!!

But on days like that you wonder what you're doing and why you're here

Deb

ps those days are less now , we've been here 1.5 years

Pitchounette · 27/06/2007 16:34

Message withdrawn

Original poster
bebespain · 27/06/2007 16:53

SSSandy2 - don´t know how to link, can anyone guide me? I think the problem with DH is that he doesn´t think I´m making enough of an effort to be strong and just "get over" it Just move on is his motto and to some extent he´s got a point...

Hey Debs - days like that a plenty here

Pitchounette - In my case I have to get used to the Spanish ways as it will make my life so much easier but on days like today I find it so bloody hard

OP posts:
Pitchounette · 27/06/2007 17:31

Message withdrawn

chicca · 27/06/2007 18:10

Hi there
I will try and find your thread in health but just by reading your comments here I can wholeheartedly sympathise with you. I have lost count of the times I have made the one step forward comment to DH. All my assertiveness has gone out of the window since we have been here in Spain (5 yrs) - there's only a certain amount of times you can push yourself before you just give up. Everything takes forever and I don't think I will ever get used to that side of things. What keeps me sane is the children thing and going to the UK every now and then. Even at the airport I feel I am being judged but here everyone is so much more laid back. There are huge drawbacks to being here but also lots of positives. It's just a shame we have to keep reminding ourselves of them....

Original poster
bebespain · 27/06/2007 21:08

Awww thanks otherside that´s wicked

You lot are soooo luverly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
bebespain · 27/06/2007 21:23

Hi chicca

"there's only a certain amount of times you can push yourself before you just give up."

I relate to your line so much and I haven´t been here a year yet. That´s just how I feel.

I suppose I always expect too much too soon...maybe I´m just too impatient

OP posts:
belgo · 28/06/2007 06:05

bebes - how are you feeling today? How is DS? I was thinking about this last night, and at some point, you will probably become like me, originally critical of the way they do things here; now I'm mostly critical of the way they do things in the UK

SSSandy2 · 28/06/2007 08:01

I would be absolutely furious about the gp hurting my ds and causing him unnecessary pain. It wouldn't matter to me what country I was in. I think I would have gone totally beserk

Do you have something like an international hospital near where you are? Think I would pay to go there instead. You really need to be able to communicate with medical staff when it come to your dc, don't you?

How is your Spanish, bebespain, do you feel able to get your point of view across?

BidingMyTime · 28/06/2007 08:42

Hi,

I'm up North and find my dc's paediatrician is completely switched off - his lack of interest never fails to amaze me . I have found a private hospital in the same region and I now use them when I don't get the help I want or need. Definitely have a look around, the level of care is completely different. It isn't just a case of language - I'm relatively fluent - there is sometimes an abyss in culture and expectations.

SSSandy2 · 28/06/2007 08:49

yes I know, I agree it isn't just a case of language but I'm wondering how much at sea she feels there generally IYSWIM

Think bebespain, you need a bestfriend near you, someone in a similar situation would be a great support

Original poster
bebespain · 28/06/2007 09:21

Feeling relatively calmer now and LO seems fine not so swollen today thank goodness - thanks for asking belgo
Totally agree with BidingMyTime I too speak the language well so in that respect I´m fortunate don´t think I could be here at all if I didn´t...
Getting my point of view across hmm thats a tricky one SSSandy as I always feel the "experts" think well this is the way WE do things and why so many questions. I find they can get a bit defensive.

After I had pulled myself together yesterday I asked Doc why he had done that and what about the bleeding etc and he was just so bloody matter of fact about it pulling that strange downturned mouth expression shoulders shrugged... don´t know if anyone can relate to that? He´ll be fine...it´s got to be done etc...
Well he won´t be doing it again that´s for sure.

We were "allocated" this Paediatrician as the other one was full! From what I know you go to the Heath Centre nearest your home so don´t know how easy it would be to change or if it´s even worth it... The guy we had before was much worse!

Oh well today´s another day!

OP posts:
belgo · 28/06/2007 09:24

bebes - I would be very tempted to do some research, find the more up to date medical advice regarding this issue, and then take it to him.

He will probably shrug his shoulders again, but it might just make him stop and think first next time.

SSSandy2 · 28/06/2007 09:35

sorry I know this has nothing to do with anything on this thread but what is the weather like in Spain at the moment? We have horrible wet windy autumn-like weather in Germany at the moment. Is it summery in Spain (planning our summer holidays)

Glad you're feeling better today bebespain. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger as they say in German. I think you couldn't have done anything about it at the time because you weren't expecting it. In future perhaps you could be resolved to make a self-confident, strong appearance and ask in advance what if anything they are planning to do with ds. So you have a chance to oppose it. I don't know how realistic that is. Wouldn't have expected that from a Spanish doctor myself TBH

finknottle · 28/06/2007 09:58

Bebspain, know what you mean. It's easy to feel at a disadvantage with doctors - and things that matter so very much to us being dismissed with a shrug is like a double blow.
When I need cheering up I get out of the house and go around the vineyards - fresh air, lots of green and the choice of wineries to buy a bottle or hic, two. German wine is vastly underrated and a lot cheaper than at home. Then I ring my mum. Listen to radio phone ins from the UK about the school run (don't have that here); school exams & tests (ditto no SATS style anyway); binge drinking...
Then I write a list of things I'm going to buy on my next trip home.

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