What age were kids when you moved? Did they mind?

[Coffeeinthepark]

We're thinking of moving within Europe to a country where kids do speak the language. We could move almost any year in theory but I worry about how kids will take it as they are happy here in England. What are your experiences? Oldest currently 7. Can we risk waiting another 2 or 3 years?

We've moved within England and we're moving to Oz in 6 months time. Our DC are 10 and 7 and they're very excited. They know the country well and we have relatives there.

If you sell it to them they'll be very pleased.

DS1 is 11 and Australia where we are now is his 4th country. I can't really agree with MrsFlannel. It has nothing to do with selling the pool or the dog.

The DC have feelings and are truly sad to leave friends behind. Of course moving to a nice place is better than a shitty place, so they don't have to complain about that as well. But a lovely beach will never substitute a person.

We have move lots because of my husband's job, so I have done it several times at different age, and in my experience, the longer you wait the harder it gets. Because friendship will get stronger.
Even for the schools I wouldn't wait too long. Language is not the issue. Every country has its own way of teaching - learning, and you need to adapt and it is easier when the kids are still in the earliest years.

I was worried for this move about my eldest, 11 but the one who really badly suffered was my youngest, 8, who started soiling himself, ripping his nails, and crying himself to sleep.

But then Australia is very far from everyone and everything, and having moved several times has numbed our novelty/adventure factor.

I didn't mean selling it in those terms Gordon I meant being positive. It goes without saying they have to cope with missing friends etc but the way I see it is this...during the long summer holidays, mine have always gone pretty much completely without playdates with school mates....and never morn for them. They're very young....most adapt.

Of course,MrsFlannel, I didn't mean to be rude or harsh sorry. You made it sound very easy, but then you have friends and relatives, we had nobody and nothing, which is a big difference.

Yes most adapt, but I have to stress the point that moving comes with a prize. Do not underestimate the pain just because they are young. Not playing with a friend during summer holiday and saying goodbye to a friend is not at all the same thing. Some you know you will never see again.

Again, moving within Europe is not so drastic, so the OP should be fine. You can easily catch a flight and visit during a weekend. In OZ, you can't.

Social media makes things much easier.

Pity than that at 8, my son is not yet into socia media . yes there is still Skype and the such, but there is also a big time difference of 10-11 hours, which makes contact very complicated, because your time slot is either in the morning between 7 and 8, and you need to get the kid ready for school, breakfast, .... or early evening, when it is 7 am in Uk and 6pm here and DS's friend is getting ready for school and it may be not the most relaxed time to have a conversation.

I am just sharing my experiences about moving to another country with the OP. Every story and family is unique. I am glad you think the move is easy. Maybe in a year time, once you have actually made the move, you'll understand what I am experiencing.
Your story is already very different as you have friends and relative.

My DD is ten and in year 6 and all of her friends are on Instagram and Youtube. Time flies. Two years ago when DD was 8 I never would have imagined it. She's heavily monitored but she's basically still going to be able to chat with her friends.

Ours were 3&newborn. I want to move back to UK when eldest is max 10/11 and then stay put til they leave school.

I moved around a lot as a child and final move was when j was on the cups of 13 and in the throes of puberty. It was very difficult and I made my home life hell as a result of the upheaval. Too old. Previous move had been at 9 and that was relatively ok

What can I say? Good on you. I only hope my DS2 will overcome his sadness before he gets to the age of being active in social media in two years time!

Coffeeinthepark to answer your question "did they mind", my answer is sadly yes.

mine are living in their 5th (DD) and 4th (DS) country = each move has been sad and they have missed friends and so on. But we have always said as long as we are together as a family all will be good - we move all our furniture each time plus all our animals so our whole lives move with us. The downsides are saying goodbye to friends, moving schools and resettling. But the up sides are that they have friends all over the world who they keep in touch with on social media and get to visit for holidays. They have a wonderful acceptance of other peoples lifestyles and cultures, they are very socially capable and can talk to anyone and they have greater social awareness than many of their peers here in UK.

Now they are older (uni and college) they were happy to be settled in UK but they are now suffering from itchy feet and planning their careers and life choices around being able to travel and live and work overseas. Being an ex-pat, as opposed to an immigrant, is a lifestyle that some love and others can't cope with.

I don't think any age is harder or easier tbh - DD had to move in the middle of GCSEs which will get some on here clutching their pearls, but she managed and got As and Bs and is now at Uni. Not ideal, but not impossible. I agree with Mrsflannel it is in part about how you treat the move that will reflect on your children. We always talk about it as an adventure, look at the positives, do research, get guide books etc. while also acknowledging that saying goodbye to friends is hard.

Did was 5 when we moved to Aus. Not problems at with regards to friends, skypeing relatives etc. Didn't miss anyone much. I think a lot of settling is attitude. We always explained Aus is only a plane journey away, less than a day away. That we worked around time differences easily and still do. Adjusting to when to call etc.
Biggest transition was into school where dd was the first year of qld prep. It was not good when she could read and write already and the aim of the year was to learn to write your name still we worked with the school and just altered her goals. Simple.. Eventually.

8 years on. Four children in total. Not looked back

Mine were 11, 9 and 6. It's been fine. They were up for the adventure. It probably helped that originally we were only coming for 6 months, that extended to 2 years and now it could be more permanent. The older 2 probably miss home more because they were more immersed in "Britishness". But they are pretty happy and seem to like their dual life. They also totally value that as desertmum says, it is being together as a family that matters. It also helps that we get to go home every couple of months as we are in Europe.

Mine were 2.5, 6 and nearly 10.
We've been here 11 years, and not moved again, unlike many of their friends. They have suffered more with other friends at school being on short term contracts and moving on.
There are very few families who have stayed as long as us, we make friends then they move on.

My youngest can't remember living in the UK, and the middle one has only vague (rose-tinted) memories.

My dd who was 9 when we moved her is now 20 and has gone back to the UK for uni and loving it.

Have to agree with world view and adaptability. I was in my 13th house by the time I was 12, 3rd continent, 5th country and 4th county in the UK. I'm glad we "settled" when we did but be warned - I was an expat child and now have expat children, the itchy feet cycle begins at a young age! I want to be "settled" preferably not where we are now, while my DC go through secondary education, but fully intend to move again once they leave home

For us DD was 10 when we moved out and 14 when we returned, DS 6 and 11. And yes they minded a great deal both times - like gordonpyms, deep deep sadness, because they form strong friendships, were both times in rooted stable communities, and as you get older peer group matters most. They were in a local school in our (culturally very different) host country, and by the time we returned to UK, DS's reference points were almost entirely from that culture, which made transition into a settled community here very tricky.

Being a teenager is alot about developing identity, peer groups, testing boundaries. This is far harder if you are trying to break into a group, don't understand the norms entirely or even the dress code, - and as secondary schools are parent-free zones, teens have to manage the transition without much parental interpreting to the school. So yes, I'd say, go earlier if you can. And if you might come back to UK, do it before they start secondary school.

It's all about family. My DC were born and raised overseas, came to live in UK aged 17 and 18. They are confident in who they are, are not worried about the fact that their points of reference are different to those around them. I think people can be cruel and dismissive and jealous at any age which can make 'coming home' difficult. We are very careful not to be 'whenwies' although it is hard not to talk about 'when we were ' as that is their life.
So family is important as we can talk about our lives and reminisce without it sounding like they are bragging and without boring people with details they are really not interested in.

I think you will find that moves to countries where there is a large ex-pat community will be easier than relocating to UK, as you are all in the same boat and people understand what you are going through and are happy to help out. Returning to UK after 24 years I feel like I have returned to an alien planet! And I also feel like I am alien at times. But I wouldn't change it for the world, it was the best experience I could have given my children. And really it was one big adventure.

Yes I think you can afford to wait a couple of years.

We went to Spain when DS was 10. As he had to learn a new language is was as late as I'd have wanted to leave it. It meant he had a year plus in Spanish state primary school to learn the language before moving up to secondary. We were lucky as he was quite happy to go and settled very quickly.

We came back when he went to uni in the UK. He is now about to graduate, already having spent time living in two other European countries. We all think of our time in Spain as a bit of an adventure and we are thinking of repeating it, without DS as he has an American girlfriend and if they stay together well who knows!

Best of luck with your move, if and when you make it.

1, 3, 7 and 9. They were better than I thought they would be, before high school is better. But depends on where you're going.

DS was just about to turn five.

We had a monster of a year. His behaviour really reflected the fact that he found it very difficult to adjust, although he was happy and very settled in Kindergarten and picked up the language and friends very quickly.

It was an awkward time for schooling, because here (Germany) there is a choice about which year they start school, and children born in October like him often start early, but the cut off date for assessment was too early to assess his language so he ended up having an extra year in kindergarten. A good thing, I thought, but he towers over the other children and is really really bored.

But overall it has been positive.

Mine were 3 and 4.8 and both were fine, at that age as long as I was there to be honest they didn't really care! They didn't really have any concept of the distance we'd moved and DS1 although happy in his UK school didn't have any 'best' friends by then so didn't miss anyone in particular. They go to a British school so there was no difference in learning to overcome either. We also shipped everything so our house has all the familiar things in.

But it helps hugely that my parents come over to us twice a year, my sister and brother at least once and we go back once/twice so its never more than a few months without seeing someone, we're only a 7 hour flight away.

We also didn't really talk too much to them about moving, just downplayed it like it was no big deal and no different to just moving house!

My husband was an expat child and loved it so has always wanted our kids to have the same experience, we're only 2 years in but so far so good!

We moved to New York when our two were just turning 8 and 6. dd (the younger) made the move pretty easily, although she was homesick for a while. ds found it much harder, missed his friends very much indeed and found fitting into his new school tricky. It really knocked his confidence. In the UK he had a very strong friendship group at school but was too young to use social media etc (or even the phone much) so lost them completely.

My sisters family have made the move to Australia and back again (returning when their girls were 13 and 9) but their strongest friendships were with family friends and so their mum was able to sustain the friendships through the years they were away.

Personally I'd move them as young as possible, as moving can be very hard on children. I'm also not terribly swayed by the 'it's good for them/an adventure etc' - my children can't really remember the UK any more. Both have had culture shock on visiting back 'home', although it has been almost eight years since we left. We recently had a great holiday in Japan, that was an adventure, but it didn't involve the disruption of emigrating.

We have moved around alot too. This is ds1 5th international move. The last time we moved he was 9 and this was the first time that he was sad about leaving his friends etc and it look abit more time for him to settle into our new home. Having family around near us has definitely helped immensely. Dc2 who is 3 years younger settled much more quickly so I do think that age is a factor.

We've just moved to Oz with 8yo dd and 4 yo dts. The dts settled in just fine, but it has taken far longer for dd. She is using social media to keep in touch with friends back home (she got her own ipad for xmas to make that easier) and she is joining sports clubs, but fitting in at school and making friends there has been the hardest thing. We are slowly getting there though. We have no family out here. So for your 7 yo, I would say move asap because it won't get any easier for them...

My son was 11 when we moved to Oz, and loved it from the first week. He doesn't even want to go back on holiday, except to see his granny and a few other rellies. He didn't miss his friends for long either, he soon made new ones.

That's not to say it's easy for everyone of course, some of my friends here have had children who struggled, but honestly, most that I know are thriving here.