Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Can I have a hand hold?

31 replies

BumbleNova · 22/01/2018 20:45

My wonderful mum is in her final days and I'm really struggling. The cancer in her liver and lungs in particular are causing her great pain and distress. I'm finding it so hard to watch.

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 22/01/2018 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handbaghag · 22/01/2018 20:49

Take my hand Bumblenova. Thinking of you x BrewFlowersCake

HappyHedgehog247 · 22/01/2018 20:49

Thinking of you. Hoping her medical team can help ease her pain and discomfort so you can peacefully be with her. It's so hard. Look after you x

Original poster
BumbleNova · 22/01/2018 20:52

Thank you so much. I feel so isolated in my grief. Her medical team are amazing and she has all the drugs. I just wish I could spare her the fear.

OP posts:
Original poster
BumbleNova · 22/01/2018 20:58

She is so young, I didn't expect to loose her so soon.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 22/01/2018 21:03

Such a horrible time. Sending you Flowers.

Debdoo · 22/01/2018 21:14

Much love to you and your mum! X🤝

skinnyicecream · 23/01/2018 05:56

I was in your position last April with my Dad OP...I'm glad you feel supported by medical team. just be with her...hold her hand. thinking of you and your Mum...ThanksThanks

flapjackfairy · 23/01/2018 06:02

I am staying at my mothers house watching my father die at the moment.
I knew it would be hard but it is beyond everything i feared.
I totally understand and feel your pain. So sorry you are going through this. I am trying to take one day at a time and deal with only that. I wish my dad would go and the suffering would be over but i dread the aftermath and want him to stay as well. Your post has helped me feel a little less alone . Hope the messages on here help you feel the same . God bless to you and your dear mum xxx

PLFDiDi · 23/01/2018 06:22

Sending love and best wishes for you and your mum xx a terrible time, but hopefully looking after her will help you find some peace in the coming weeks xx

Original poster
BumbleNova · 23/01/2018 09:35

flapjack I'm sorry you are going through this too. It's just horrendous. We are running out of time to get her to a hospice. She is fighting for every breath and it's just agony to watch.

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 23/01/2018 09:48

I hear you and truly understand. It is torture for everyone. My dad wants to die at home but having lived through this i would be inclined to kiss my loved ones goodbye and take myself off to a hospice to die alone should i ever be in the same position. . I hope your mum is made more comfortable soon and send you lots of love and strength for the days ahead xxx

flapjackfairy · 24/01/2018 19:13

How are you bumble ? Been thinking of you . My dad died this morning . I dont know how i feel! Grief mixed with numbness and some measure of relief that he is at peace. Sending you strength to make it through to the end of your mums journey and will still be thinking of you x

Original poster
BumbleNova · 24/01/2018 22:11

I'm so sorry flapjack. My mum died yesterday. It was pretty harrowing if I'm honest. I'm really really hoping those memories fade. It wasn't the peaceful end we were promised.

I've been helping my dad with the practicalities today. Trying to keep busy. But I'm so exhausted. It's been such a long process, I wish there was an off button for half an hour.

How are you holding up?

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 24/01/2018 22:14

Ah, bumble, I’m so sorry for your loss. Flowers

KnittedBobbleHat · 24/01/2018 22:16

Sorry for your loss both of you Flowers

WitchDancer · 24/01/2018 22:23

My condolences on your loss Bumble, may she rest in peace.

loveisenough · 24/01/2018 22:30

Bumble and Flapjack I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My Dad died last week and we have the funeral tomorrow. I know how you feel Flowers

LadyGAgain · 24/01/2018 22:59

I'm so sorry and hugs to you all for the loss of your dear Mum/Dad. Today is the 7 year anniversary of my dad dying (cancer). Be kind to yourselves. Losing a parent is so hard. I found watching dad die in front of me for 6 months with bravery and dignity almost too much to bear.
He didn't get to meet my DC. He would have loved them. It took me 5 years to go to counselling to process those 6 months. I thought carrying on with life would be fine but you have to deal with loss in the end. Loss and the horror and pain of watching someone you love die. And the guilt at the relief that it's over for them. Cancer is a fucker. Massive two fingers up to cancer.
Big hand holds to you all. I promise you get to smile again. When I think of dad now I am able to see beyond those 6 months and remember who he was and what he meant - means - to me. ThanksThanksThanksThanks

Knittedfairies · 24/01/2018 23:04

I'm so sorry Bumble. Sitting with my mum in her final days was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I'm so glad I did it. 💐

mommybear1 · 24/01/2018 23:19

I'm so sorry for your lossThanks

Original poster
BumbleNova · 25/01/2018 08:55

Thanks everyone. I've been going to counseling for a while, I'm going to carry on. I know it will get easier. I'm trying to focus on the good times and those memories.

OP posts:
werewolfhowls · 25/01/2018 22:22

So sorry for your loss.

BIWI · 25/01/2018 22:25

I'm so sorry Flowers

TremendousWorkGodfrey · 25/01/2018 22:30

So sorry for your loss Bumble and Flapjack, take care of yourselves and take one hour at a time. Wishing you strength and peace at this awful time.