DS, 19, ASD / mental health issues now says he’s trans and taking HRT

[Hairyfairy01]

I have no idea what to think here. I’m not anti trans but DS has never shown any signs. We have always known he was ASD, finally got a private diagnosis after police involvement for online behaviour a year ago. At 16 he came out as gay, said he had a boyfriend who he has been with for 3 years now.suicide attempt at 17, linked to not being able to deal with what he was seeing online. And now I have found HRT in his room, he tells me he buys it online and take 4 x mg tablets daily. boyfriend is apparently bisexual, also ASD and I’m concerned is behind all of this, although DS says he has had trans feeling for a few years, so a bit before he met the boyfriend. I really don’t think he has any idea of the potential implications of all of this, my main concern is what damage the HRT is doing to his body. But obviously I am also very worried about his mental health. All of his information seems to come from Reddit. I just have no idea what to do. I have asked him to stop taking the tablets, explained how worried I am, and he won’t.

Sorry that should say he has increased his dose to 4 x 1 mg, been on them since January. Reckons he can take 8 x 1 mg.

I recommend contacting https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ - it’s for parents whose children identify as trans. They’ll understand & should be able to help you.

Thank you. I have had a look and requested to join. Would be grateful for any other advice.

Just be careful OP, the Bayswater group is politically motivated and won't give impartial advice that puts your child at the centre.

https://www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2024-07-02/the-parents-group-at-the-centre-of-a-rollback-of-trans-rights

I am currently involved in some work where we are concerned that there are a cohort of young people who are accessing hormone treatment without oversight from a GP. It's a worrying side-effect of the political climate around trans inclusion/exclusion.

You need to figure out where your child is sourcing the HRT from, and how its use it's being monitored. Are they aware of the side-effects? Are they even sure that they are taking what they think they are? How are they funding it?

There is a black market for hormones since the Cass Review and this is putting vulnerable young people in real danger of medical harm and exploitation.

I would encourage your child to speak to the GP, but if they won't, please seek medical advice yourself. This is potentially very harmful, as they likely are taking unmonitored medication.

Ignore @VivienneDelacroix

Bayswater care about children and follow the evidence.

You are right to be concerned about your son’s situation, especially given his history.

It’s really important to keep communication lines open with your DS so I’m not suggesting going in strong with health info to him but for your own reading, there is an oestrogen section here, as well as other, which will give you factual information

https://statsforgender.org

For example, one of the studies demonstrated that oestrogen treatment is linked to a significantly large increase in psychiatric problems. Really not good given your son’s past.

This is relatively common with autism and is (IMO) linked to increasingly rigid gender stereotypes. Those who don’t fit those stereotypes are currently expected to fit in by transitioning. With the autism community there are even higher expectations, and they are more likely to to be gender non conforming.

Bayswater trust is a good place to start.
Agree with the pp who suggested psychiatric issues with taking wrong-sex hormones.

At the same time he’s an adult and it may be that there’s little input you can have on the situation, so maybe the priority is to keep channels of communication open?

I went through similar with a close family member at a similar age. He was autistic and had mental health problems and had been traumatised by dark online worlds. No previous signs of being trans, but many concerning signs of deteriorating mental health. He abruptly developed a plan to source hormones online and talked of a total surgical transition.

I spent a couple of months walking a tightrope between trying to get info and support regarding his transgender feelings, and trying to persuade him to access mental health support. It was the most worrying time of my life.

Then he was diagnosed with schizophrenia and hospitalized. In his case (and of course it will be different for many people) the feelings of being transgender were a psychotic delusion. It was really alarming to see how deeply into psychosis it was possible for him to fall without us really understanding what was going on for him.

That's just one possibility, and I only mention it because of how blindsided I was. I feel there isn't enough understanding among parents of the early signs of psychosis, and of its fairly common co-morbidity with autism.

Thanks all. I’m trying to keep an open mind but it’s hard, and any links to psychosis is obviously very concerning. He’s sourcing it online, self funded (he works), seem to come from a lab in Hong Kong, obviously it could be anything. He has agreed to see a counsellor, although we are quite rural so I suspect it will be online. I think it’s a psychologist he needs rather than a counsellor mind. I feel he needs a mutual one who is experienced in ASD but have no idea how to find one. I am trying to get an appointment with the gp so I can discuss my concerns . I have told him that I do not want him taking the HRT as I am worried about possible side effects but he says he won’t stop taking it. I’ve said he needs to go to the gp for blood tests etc to monitor any side effects, he neither agreed or disagreed really. Seems to think it is all very safe and everyone is taking it. He is so gulliable.

I have no idea what to do about the boyfriend either. It’s possible they will both talk more openly to me if together, but I am worried that the boyfriend may be encouraging this. I’m trying to keep him busy and off line as much as possible, but at 19 it’s hard and I feel I have very little control. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion and being powerless to prevent a disaster.

How is your family member now NEwNameForThis?

As well as Bayswater Support please also read Stephanie Winn Some Kind of Therapist on Substack.

this one is especially useful for you as you are at the start of this horrible journey. What she writes here is so true.

We found out this week that our AuDHD DS 21 has been taking oestrogen and a testosterone blocker since January. We're reeling. Stupid boy!

I’m sorry to hear this. How have you taken it? I’ve reached out to Bayswater and Fflag for support so far. DS basically refusing to talk about it.

Just seeing that you’ve reached out to Fflag @Hairyfairy01 … they are a fairly extreme trans rights activist organisation. One of their patrons is a trans identifying man who calls himself a lesbian. That is vile homophobia.

In a way it’s good that you have approached two organisations who take different views, you can see which you are most aligned with.

Hi @Hairyfairy01 - I am in the same situation with my 19 year old ASD son. Bayswater has been great for us. I have been to a meet up and there are regular zoom calls. We have been on this road for a couple of years and it has been very hard for everyone in our family. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat privately. It's a really hard situation with limited solutions and no real help for families who believe their child is vunerable and is making decisions that are not in their best interests.

As much as I disagree with the hormones (and I was very clear on this with DS) I did say if you are going to do this it must be under the supervision of a doctor which he has done. I also persuaded him to have some therapy - sadly I have no idea if that therapist affirms him or not (they likely do as most will) but something is better than nothing.

https://sashaayad.substack.com/p/the-medicalization-roadmap-9-principles?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1ond6n&triedRedirect=true

This has also helped me

I'm finding it hard. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat.

OP, we are in a very similar situation to you except our 21 year old is still at uni and not able to afford hormones - yet.
I am a member of Bayswater support group and have found them to be extremely helpful. When you have your first call with them, you will be able to decide whether or not they are for you. They’re not promoting any agenda and what I find must helpful is that they share the same concerns as I do regarding health. I have tried affirming organisations for support too but they diminished my concerns around health, which to me is totally unacceptable. Ultimately, these kids should be able to be who they are without having to take medication or have surgery. Anybody suggesting otherwise does not have their best interests at heart.
We are taking the same approach as you, which is to address the autism. We hope that by doing that everything else will fall into place. There is no doubt that there is a huge element of online brainwashing involved in this. It breaks my heart that so many, otherwise innocent, young people have been caught up in this ideology. And the lack of care and concern for them within society at large and the medical community, in particular, is shocking.

Meant to say also that you are right to insist on seeing the GP and having blood tests done. If he doesn’t agree to this then, I would be inclined to contact the GP yourself and explain the situation and hopefully they will have some suggestions/help.

My son was also late diagnosed with autism and showing signs of psychosis. I think it is no surprise that they failed to build a sense of identity when they were younger, given that they were in fight or flight due to their autism anxiety for all of their formative teen years

I had this conversation with my 19 year old about a month ago. He’s not medicating yet but has every intention of starting down this route when he starts university in September. Currently, there is no social transition, he is wearing the same clothes and sporting week old stubble. He has long hair, but that’s it.

He has never mentioned anything in the past, this has come out of the blue for us. He had a few trans friends in sixth form but that’s kind of par for the course where we live.

I think he sees oestrogen as a total silver bullet and the chance to utterly reinvent himself. I have asked him to consider if he is running towards something or away from something but on this subject, it’s like speaking to a robot. It’s all tropes and cliches. He’s already talking about detransitioning if it doesn’t work out though…

I have also joined Bayswater and am trying to plant some seeds and walk away at the moment. He says he has depression and we are waiting for an ADHD assessment and it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s also autistic, his sister is.

Sorry to everyone who finds themselves here.