How can I support my gay son facing homophobic abuse?

[Fairyjam]

Hello. I have a 16 year old DS who is gay. He chooses to wear mascara sometimes and jewellery when out and about, but is struggling with horrible homophobic comments/looks etc from random people. He is naturally sensitive and really lacks self esteem and this is crushing him. He is struggling with self confidence in other areas of his life, for example fitting in with friends, which is also impacting him at the moment. He is having some counselling, which I think is helping, but he gets so upset if he hears someone comment or laugh at him (understandably.) He had issues on and off from random people at school, but this seems worse and is making him anxious about going out. I’m hoping starting college in September will help as it’s a much more inclusive environment, but how else do I support him? It is heartbreaking to watch and I am worried about the impact on his mental health. Thanks for any advice.

LGB Alliance have a helpline aimed at young people https://lgballiance.org.uk/helpline/.

Are there any local 'rainbow' youth groups where he could meet with other gay youngsters?

It's horrible when your children are suffering. I hope he finds college a happier experience.

Try a charity or two who support LGBTQIA+ folks. They should be able to signpost you or him to proper support.

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And you can ring to speak to children's services because some help run groups, my eldest attended one locally which was started by youth services at the council/ LA etc.

Thanks very much for the ideas, I’ll have a look at these.

How is he getting on at College @Fairyjam?

Hi, OK I think. It’s definitely a nicer more inclusive environment. I’m trying to persuade him to see if there is an LBQT+ group there, but he’s a bit resistant to the idea. There is a fresher fair on Friday so I’m hoping they might be there and that might encourage him to join. Thanks for asking, I have found it quite stressful knowing how to best support him, so it’s nice someone checking in!

Not sure if this helps but my DS (16) is also gay and likes jewellery a lot. I showed him some 1980s New Romantic /adam ant images & videos and he has leaned into that style. I think the fact it’s a recognised style helps. I think jewellery also works better on men with a good hair style to go with it

Yes to the Fresher’s Fair. They do probably have an LGBTQ+ group. Even the School my DC went to had one and it’s a very strict sort of school.

It can be hard to walk up to people and start chatting to them but we all have to do it at times, like when we start College or a new job. Reassure him that this time last year the people there were all probably feeling exactly the same

My DS (17) wears loads of black eye make up, earrings etc. and has piercings.

He now plays lead guitar in a punk band and the other band members also wear make up for gigs.

However, he knows that you can’t change sex so I wouldn’t channel him into the alphabet soup brigade but stick with LGB only support groups.