15 yr old DD BF is now her GF- do I set the same boundaries as in a same sex relationship?

[Mum123N]

My 15 year old DD has told me she is in a relationship with her best friend which is fine but before now I have been letting them have sleepovers together and spend time her room together.
I feel that now I know they are in a relationship I no longer want them to have sleepovers as she is underage and that I should treat them being together as I would if she told me she has a BF with the same rules and boundaries.

Her GF parents dont know either so should I stop her from going to her house too until they know?

You can't really stop sleepovers now! What on earth do you think might happen?

I 100% see your point but the genie may be out of the bottle on this one.

I would speak to GF's parents and agree joint approach.

She is still only 15 and can still be sexually active with a girl, it's not just about getting pregnant.

Delicate.

Your Dd has paid you the compliment of talking to you about her relationship - so now blocking it could seem like a poor response from her POV. With teens keeping communication going is the most valuable thing.

There is no prosecution element when sexually active 15 year olds are in a consensual sexual relationship with another the same age.

Is she mature? Is the GF a nice and sensible young woman? Not coercive or bullying?

Since the transition to GF has already been made...stable door comes to mind.

For me the risks with teen sex are coercion - which may more often be driven by boys because of societal pressures, sexist double standards, porn etc, pregnancy and STDs, the possibility of revenge porn.

Keep your dd close, keep a good friendly welcoming open relationship with the GF would be my advice.

NO WAY would I speak to the GF's parents without the GF's knowledge and consent.

Way to ruin any existing openness and trust between your dd and you.

I would roughly go down the same route as you would if your DD had a male partner. Talk to her about sex and not feeling pressured to move faster than she wants to at 15. It’s not all about being pressured in an obvious way but sometimes just feeling pressured if the other person is keener than the other. They may not even realise that they are putting pressure on. I wonder if it could be easier for that to happen in a same sex relationship between teenagers as the risk of pregnancy is not there as a possibility.
Just decide on your boundaries, open bedroom doors, no sleepovers (they could always stay all evening and go home at 11pm or whatever works).
Personally I would not be influenced in my choices by the fact the GF’s parents don’t know. That is not your concern. I wouldn’t tell them but if your decisions, such as no sleepovers, means she has to tell her parents then that is what it is. No concern of yours. Your primary concern is your DD’s life and ensuring she is safely having her first relationship.

Can I be really boring here and point out that for the last year or thereabouts - and for the foreseeable future Sleepovers, or even hangouts with anyone regardless of their sexual orientation shouldn't be happening?? (unless one of you is from a single household obvs. But as we're talking about children here I guess that's unlikely).

Feel free to correct me if you're from outside of the UK and adhering to different Covid rules.

You have the perfect excuse here to say No it's not happening. Regardless of sexual orientation.

I read it as boyfriend has become girlfriend, I was going to point out they might still need contraception.

Is the 15 a moral thing or a legal thing for you? Legally no minimum age for lesbianism (allegedly thanks to queen Vic). If you just don't want her to have a physical relationship, that's tricky and you will have to have a chat with her about why you think it is a bad idea.
I'd be worried emotionally that if the relationship goes sour she will have lost her best friend so would be encouraging her to maintain other friendships. Hard in lockdown.

@Mum123N

She is still only 15 and can still be sexually active with a girl, it's not just about getting pregnant.

When will be she allowed to be sexually active?

Sorry, I just read this:

"The age of consent to any form of sexual activity is 16 for both men and women. The age of consent is the same regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of a person and whether the sexual activity is between people of the same or different gender.
It is an offence for anyone to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 16. However, Home Office guidance [1] is clear that there is no intention to prosecute teenagers under the age of 16 where both mutually agree and where they are of a similar age."

No chance of pregnancy would remove the biggest concern I’d have. I would worry more about the emotional side of things than the physical. If this is/was your DD’s best friend and they’re 15/16 it’s going to be an very intense relationship. It’s bloody hard with COVID but I’d try to encourage your DD to stay in touch with other friends and spend time with her GF as part of a (virtual) group. When they eventually break up your DD could lose her as a friend too and with the schools closed and social distancing that would be very tough.