Did court for Child Arrangements work out well for you?

[Yappydee90]

Hi All

Ex husband is taking me to court in order to see child (6) more, currently sees child once a week off his own accord.

Throughout our marriage and up to this day he is extremely emotionally abusive to me, I have alot of evidence regarding this and other matters and also have safeguarding and welfare concerns for our child.

I have a mountain of what I think is very important evidence although no police involvement but when it comes down to it, will this matter? After years of me offering him different arrangements similar to what he's asking for now and hes never kept to it for all sorts of reasons, I feel I have gone above and beyond for him when he didn't deserve me too as he would take the mick and do believe court is the only answer now.

I just want to move on and for him to leave me alone and I hope going to court may finally be the answer.

What octomes did you have with a similar experience?

The court need physical evidence of everything you are saying/ accusing him off. So messages, call logs expressing you’ve been fair, him chopping and changing his mind when he has the child and what days and times, proof you have been fair and have in some way accommodated to his demands in the past and allowed access to which he has just taken the piss out off. When it comes to courts they don’t care about what he or she says it’s actual evidence they want. I went through all this last year. You need to document and keep every message, email or even call logs.

Yes I have all that thankfully!

What outcome did you get if you don't mind saying?

There’s a reason it’s fairly commonly said no one likes the court outcomes.

Court are very much about the best interests of the child. In our experience they don’t care about he said/she said. Dsd mum got her arse handed to her by the judge a couple of times due to her being petty over clothes etc

What are his reasons for taking you to court?

Mine took me to court for 50/50, previous to that he was seeing them every other weekend. And had them very little during the school holidays. I spoke with Gingerbread and they said it was such a significant change to what the children were used to I just needed to evidence my concerns. Which I did. We tried mediation but he didn't follow what he was supposed to do and then blamed me. We did increase his time, which I had offered previously but had declined and ended up with a Lives With Spends Time with order. My children were slightly older than yours during the process.

We already tried mediation and he also used that to abuse me so it was stopped

Being happy with the outcome depends on what you want as an outcome.

Are you happy for more contact? Do you want a safe handover public place due to the emotional abuse?

Are you happy with what XH is suggesting re contact?

If you are happy to go to court, agree more contact and evidence why it needs to be safe handovers and that’s what the outcome is then it’ll be good for you.

If you want minimal contact you may be disappointed.

Of you dont get safe handovers you may be disappointed.

You can also ask them to rule all communication goes through a parenting app due to emotional abuse - which I recommend you do

What's more important is what is he asking for, and what do YOU think is best for your child?

if these two things are not the same, then you need to think about why you think what you propose is better, and be able to produce proof.

But the court is not going to care that you and him don't get on.

Can you say what access he wants and what you would prefer to agree to? Then we can work from there?

I got everything I wanted in court, the judge saw right through his BS. He tried to manipulate, lie and make things up, he was being deliberately awkward and wouldn’t give straight answers because he wanted me to work around his life, his work and him. That’s not how it works which is what he was told, he was also told that being a parent is full time not if and when you choose. She closed him down quick time. Plus it didn’t help with all the BS before that too which she openly told us both that she had read through. They want facts and evidence to back it up and they base it on the child’s best interests. So if you have the proof of him being a bellend and changing the days, times etc to suit him that’s not in the best interests of the child and will work in your favour.

Yours sounds very similar to me! Does he see your child often now?

Yes he has her every other weekend Friday to Sunday and has her two weeks in the summer holidays. He tries to still go against the court order but I don’t have any of it. With these types of men you have to put your foot down because once you give a little they take the piss.

If he's asking for more time and you feel thats not going to work because he's not reliable, then you can probably make that point. x100 if you have many records of him saying he'd come at x time but him not turning up until y time. A friend had this where her ex suddenly wanted more and the judge told him that until he actually turned up for previously agreed contact, she wasn't going to give him more time.

Hi,
I am looking for an advice. We have got divorced in January and I have walked out from marriage with nothing. We have a verbal agreement to 50/50 custody. I had to move out and now I am living at the cabin at the back garden of my friends house. And i have to pay child maintenance for my son and I can hardly afford paying the rent. I can’t have my som staying w me as I am only renting a room. My son is 15 years old and i am a good mother and it seems unfair that I have lost being with my son. Is there anything that can be done.

Create your own post for this as is a different matter. When you got divorced did you get a finaicial order at the same time, if not you can go back to him and see what martial assets there were between you and how these should be divided, including equity in home, pensions and savings (whether in joint names or own names)

Yes I got a financial order, my post is not about the financial outcome of the divorce but about not being able to have my son with me.
Thank u for ur advice I just didn’t know what relevant information I should have wrote in my post. Do you have any advice for me.