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Original poster

Exes solicitor sent letter to not contact him again

218 replies

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:20

Long story short he ghosted me after being together some years. He also blocked me on social media and phone etc.

I sent him a registered letter just asking him what went wrong, he sent a letter back and then a week later I get this. I have no way of contacting him anyway and reading his letter I have no wish to but what do you do when you receive something like this? Do I respond to the solicitor? Do I ignore it? Its basically said not to contact him and not to contact his friends. I was actually friends with one of his friends and we only ever chatted about meeting up so I find that odd but I wont contact her again just in case.

Seems a very extreme thing to do and I dont know what the cost of the letter was (he is northern ireland and I am down south so it would be different) and I have no idea of any of this legal stuff.

There is no backstory, there is no huge thing I am omitting it really is as says above. Any advice?

OP posts:
EatCrow · 30/04/2024 17:41

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:39

@EatCrow it did and I was happy enough with his explanation. Broken hearted but understood what he said. Then a week later I get this.

I don’t like unfinished business either and would rather know even if it’s bad news. You can move on now and heal your heart in time. Good luck.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:41

@DrJonesIpresume It looks very real and the solicitors is a firm as I googled to check. This is literally out of the blue.

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Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:43

@purplecorkheart well our kids are or now were good friends so yes I did wonder what was going on as last time I saw him we said goodbye as normal and hugged etc. Then nothing so while I understand if someone doesnt want you around etc but would you not want to know after years together what happened?

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Kangarude · 30/04/2024 17:44

It could just be a delay with the solicitor getting the letter typed and sent out.
Forget about it and move on

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 17:45

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:40

@IncompleteSenten not especially to be fair to him. Its out of character for him too as he would have had to not only talk to a solicitor about his personal life but also pay money. I have no idea what a letter like this would cost.

I don’t like the inference here that you’re some kind of stalker/batshit crazy. If his last letter answered your questions it was pretty arrogant to send a solicitors letter afterwards, (is he a meanie? Just going on what you said).

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:45

@EatCrow I just was surprised as things were normal as far as I knew when leaving him. I was worried too as this is out of character for him but I didnt want to contact his friend ironically cos he hates people knowing his private life.

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Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:47

@Kangarude I didnt think of that but a week before he had sent me a letter himself responding to my one so there was no need for this.

@EatCrow I am far from a stalker I can assure you! HIs last letter did tell me things I was unaware of and explained things to me so it just seems bizarre especially as he is 'frugal' shall we say with money. That is why I was wondering if I should respond to the solicitor at all. One to clarify it was real but also because its just strange.

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fedupandstuck · 30/04/2024 17:48

I think it's reasonable on your behalf to send him a letter asking about the end of the relationship, given the circumstances that you described. You had what seemed like a normal few disagreements and parted on apparently ok terms. Then he blocked all contact, apart from by letter.

Sending it registered was probably a bit OTT, but I can see how it made sense to you. It seems like he is concerned you may harass/stalk him and he is preemptively warning you that he wants no contact. Any contact with him after the letter could be characterised as harassment. Seems like an overreaction to me, but I don't know anything about this man or your relationship.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:48

Ok thanks all I wont contact the solicitor. I just have not dealt with something like this before so was not sure what the protocol was so to speak.

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Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:50

@fedupandstuck this is the thing and he is not normally a person to over react to things normally cool as a cucumber so this just has floored me. I have no intention of contacting him especially given what he said in his original letter so not really understanding his mentality.

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HellonHeels · 30/04/2024 17:53

Well he sounds like a fucking weirdo, ghosting you like that in a long term relationship and (based on his letter to you) having issues that he's never actually raised with you before.

So on that basis I think you've dodged a bullet. Hope you're OK, whole scenario sounds quite upsetting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2024 17:57

The whole things sounds very odd and unsettling. Draw a line and try to forget him I think. Sorry it’s been so upsetting.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:57

@HellonHeels I dont think he is a weirdo per se, a bit ott clearly with this letter. Maybe I never knew the real him. I dont know at all its so extreme. Anyway I guess thats that then.

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Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:58

@AnneLovesGilbert appreciate that thank you. I guess its a lesson learned. Im even afraid to ask the kids now if they still talk to his kids. Bizarre.

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EatCrow · 30/04/2024 18:01

Hug Youarenotunhinged. Live your life well.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 18:04

@EatCrow thank you. Away on a ladies weekend this weekend so that will be a good escape from it all.

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GrumpyPanda · 30/04/2024 18:05

purplecorkheart · 30/04/2024 17:39

Would he agree that there is no backstory? Once blocked on social media most people would have left it. Sending a registered letter is a bit extreme. The fact that his Solicitor says to not contact him or his friends is a bit tellling that you do not respect boundaries. You do not need to contact his Solicitor, nor him, his family, his friends or workplace. Move on.

What a weird and tbh sad comment. Has ghosting in relationships - even those of several years' duration really become so common that "most people would have left it"?! That bar's so low it's hard not to stumble over it.

OVienna · 30/04/2024 18:07

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 17:45

I don’t like the inference here that you’re some kind of stalker/batshit crazy. If his last letter answered your questions it was pretty arrogant to send a solicitors letter afterwards, (is he a meanie? Just going on what you said).

Show quote history

I agree with this. If I'd just been on a family holiday with my boyfriend and then he blocked me everywhere I can understand in this very specific situation why you might send a registered letter. I mean - what a wanker ghosting you after all those years together, plus your kids know each other and are friends. He sounds like a dick. But I agree - don't give him any attention with further contact.

Changingplace · 30/04/2024 18:15

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:43

@purplecorkheart well our kids are or now were good friends so yes I did wonder what was going on as last time I saw him we said goodbye as normal and hugged etc. Then nothing so while I understand if someone doesnt want you around etc but would you not want to know after years together what happened?

But you’ve said his first letter explained his reasons?

@SOBplus yes to make sure he got it. He sent me a letter back telling me his reasons and then a week later I got this

So I assume he feels he’s explained himself and has nothing more to say?

I can totally understand it being hurtful the way he’s ended the relationship but he has explained, and has now made it very clear he has no wish to be in touch, I think all you can do it move on.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 18:19

@GrumpyPanda I agree. What is wrong with just looking at someone and telling them its over. He had the opportunity so it has really badly affected me. Will find it hard to ever trust again. We are both hitting 50 too not kids.

@OVienna thank you. I actually did wonder was i unhinged because it is not something I would do, but started thinking this is life now. Awful. I would kill my kids if they ever did it.

@Changingplace well he did respond to my letter and that was it, line underneath which is why this legal one has me stumped. Its a real solicitors firm and it is on headed paper though.

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VioletMoonGirl · 30/04/2024 18:24

I smell a wife or girlfriend if I’m honest.
But yes. Completely ignore it and don’t keep obsessing over it.
Similar happened to me a loooooong time ago and my Ghoster turned into a Haunter, popping up sporadically for YEARS.
I ignored him for a long time, even getting a “sorry I was a you-know-what” message. I admit that curiosity about how the hell he could just ghost like that got the better of me one day and I did message back although never saw him again. Honestly wish I never had. It didn’t achieve anything. That’s why I say don’t obsess over it so you never respond when he turns into a Haunter/his wife or girlfriend leaves him and he comes crawling.
I do have the satisfaction of knowing that I was the last one to ignore his messages and become the ghoster rather than ghosted, but a decade, a fiancé and a kid later… meh!

Kellykukoo · 30/04/2024 18:24

Don't reply to the solicitor. Try to put it out of your mind and be sure to block him so he doesn't get the opportunity to disturb your peace if he starts to have a rethink later on.

Mariannas · 30/04/2024 18:27

what explanations did he give in the letter?

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 18:28

@VioletMoonGirl definitely no wife as I have met his kids mum etc. He may have met someone else sooner than he should have but no need for a legal letter. Its just really out of character for him.

@Kellykukoo yeah I need to just focus on the future. I got answers in his letter, they didnt really explain everything but it was something and I was willing to leave it there.

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Spottedshell · 30/04/2024 18:30

Hmm I'd be tempted to wonder if it's a bit of a show for a new woman on the scene.