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Original poster

Exes solicitor sent letter to not contact him again

218 replies

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 17:20

Long story short he ghosted me after being together some years. He also blocked me on social media and phone etc.

I sent him a registered letter just asking him what went wrong, he sent a letter back and then a week later I get this. I have no way of contacting him anyway and reading his letter I have no wish to but what do you do when you receive something like this? Do I respond to the solicitor? Do I ignore it? Its basically said not to contact him and not to contact his friends. I was actually friends with one of his friends and we only ever chatted about meeting up so I find that odd but I wont contact her again just in case.

Seems a very extreme thing to do and I dont know what the cost of the letter was (he is northern ireland and I am down south so it would be different) and I have no idea of any of this legal stuff.

There is no backstory, there is no huge thing I am omitting it really is as says above. Any advice?

OP posts:
EatCrow · 30/04/2024 19:37

Ha! Enjoy your night 🥃 you deserve it!

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 19:40

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 19:34

It would cost roughly £130.00 for half hour consultation, £260 for an hour. I’m guessing the letter would be covered during that consultation.

Well now either he has totally had some knock to the head or something because there is not one way on this earth that man would spend that money. Not one. He just would not do it even if he had a concern. He doesnt spend money like that. No way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 19:41

I am trying to respond to all posts sorry its just so much I did not think I would get so many reactions.

OP posts:
gettingbackonit23 · 30/04/2024 19:42

Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 19:40

Well now either he has totally had some knock to the head or something because there is not one way on this earth that man would spend that money. Not one. He just would not do it even if he had a concern. He doesnt spend money like that. No way.

Show quote history

He’s probably met someone else, fed her some bullshit line about how you’re a crazy stalker when she saw the registered letter and either she has paid for the lawyer or he has been pressured into it. The blocking and radio silence also fits with being pushed by a new partner to leave you.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 30/04/2024 19:43

Sounds like, for whatever reason, he did not believe that OP would not continue to contact him and wanted to reiterate that any further contact was not welcome.

I don't agree with ghosting, but to me a registered letter seems designed to provoke a reaction. And a reaction it got. He may well have instructed the solicitor at the same time as writing his letter, but they won't have drafted it instantly, so it arrived a few days later.

Did his explanation for ending things make any sense regardless of his subsequent behaviour?

gettingbackonit23 · 30/04/2024 19:45

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 30/04/2024 19:43

Sounds like, for whatever reason, he did not believe that OP would not continue to contact him and wanted to reiterate that any further contact was not welcome.

I don't agree with ghosting, but to me a registered letter seems designed to provoke a reaction. And a reaction it got. He may well have instructed the solicitor at the same time as writing his letter, but they won't have drafted it instantly, so it arrived a few days later.

Did his explanation for ending things make any sense regardless of his subsequent behaviour?

Why reply to the OPs letter and give her the answers she asked for then? Surely if you’re so disturbed/frightened by ONE instance of contact from your former long term partner whose life you disappeared from without warning, you wouldn’t actually reply to her letter?

Witchbitch20 · 30/04/2024 19:48

Was it a registered letter or sent from your iPhone?

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 19:51

Kids need feeding (again) will come back on a bit later and answer anything not already answered.

@Witchbitch20 yes and my real name/not real name is Martha and I am actually Scottish not Irish. Go figure.

OP posts:
Witchbitch20 · 30/04/2024 19:59

@Iamunhinged sorry it was just a bad joke.

He sounds like a prick given the ghosting, and demanding who you can/can’t speak to. Sounds like a lucky escape.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 20:01

Oh I know I dont feel offended. I am thinking of putting 'sent from my iphone' on everything now for the craic. I have never owned an iphone!

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 30/04/2024 20:04

He's making it very clear that he doesn't want any further contact with you so my advice would be not to contact him again. Stay away from his friends too. It's hard when you've had a shock like this but you need to get on with your life without him. Look after yourself 💐

littleburn · 30/04/2024 20:07

@gettingbackonit23 that's what I reckon too. I think the argument is a red herring - it's something convenient to place the blame on. Men rarely leave unless they have someone to move on to, (ime and also from reading on here for years!).

I suspect there may be a cross-over in relationships and the OP is now being positioned with the new woman as the 'crazy ex' stalker. And/or, after the blocking and ghosting didn't work, he's making doubly sure OP stays well away and doesn't inconveniently turn up on his doorstep.

Wooloohooloo · 30/04/2024 20:10

He's got a wife/girlfriend- old or new. Personally I'd have probably set up a new email address rather than a letter to his home address. I thought you sounded unhinged at first but I have revised my opinion.

neilyoungismyhero · 30/04/2024 20:13

You sent a registered letter he decided to raise you and opt for a Solicitors letter. Maybe a subtle message.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 20:16

neilyoungismyhero · 30/04/2024 20:13

You sent a registered letter he decided to raise you and opt for a Solicitors letter. Maybe a subtle message.

He responded to my letter with a letter. THEN a week later the legal one.

OP posts:
Beatrixslobber · 30/04/2024 20:24

Who is the friend that you can’t contact as mentioned in the solicitor letter? Potential romantic interest?

In his letter how did he sound? What did he say?

prh47bridge · 30/04/2024 20:25

I have not read the full thread.

The solicitor's letter has no legal force. You do not need to respond to it. You can ignore the bit about not contacting his friends. He does not get to control who his friends see. Don't contact your ex again but, apart from that, ignore it.

queenMab99 · 30/04/2024 20:26

I don't think you did anything wrong in sending a registered letter, his behaviour was strange, just to block you like that on everything. If he had not answered a normal letter, you would have been left wondering if it had been delivered.
His solicitors letter sounds to me like a postal version of having the last word, so he feel he has 'won' and as you were not playing his game and chasing after him, then it was a pointless,and as you say, expensive gesture.
You and your children are better off without him.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 20:30

@Beatrixslobber no friends name was mentioned just that I am not to contact his friends again. I only am in contact with one so assume her which is bizzarre. Shes his friends wife, definitely nothing else there.

@prh47bridge thank you that is what I needed really. No response to his solicitor. I have never had a legal letter before so was not sure if I was meant to or not.

To all others sorry trying to deal with kids here and respond and it turns out I am not that great with the multitasking. I am reading and listening to everything.

OP posts:
MumblesParty · 30/04/2024 20:32

I hate ghosting with a passion. I think it’s spineless and inhumane. So incredibly disrespectful to simply cut someone off, without giving them any kind of explanation or right of reply.

I appreciate your ex has sent you a letter of explanation, but only after you had to humiliate yourself by sending a registered letter.

I’ve never been ghosted but I always said that if I was, I would hunt them down and force them to speak to me!

OP in your position I’d be tempted to write to the solicitor something like “OK can you tell him I’m pregnant”. Or “OK can you tell him he left his credit card here”. Or “OK can you tell him I’ve got an STD that I have probably given him”
Anything to make the solicitor have to contact him, and then presumably charge him for the time.

KomodoOhno · 30/04/2024 20:35

Mariannas · 30/04/2024 17:24

Sending a registered letter is quite an extreme response.

Have you been trying to contact him a lot?

Please don't try to contact clearly he feels a need to do this. Don't get yourself into any legal issues.

J0S · 30/04/2024 20:37

HellonHeels · 30/04/2024 17:53

Well he sounds like a fucking weirdo, ghosting you like that in a long term relationship and (based on his letter to you) having issues that he's never actually raised with you before.

So on that basis I think you've dodged a bullet. Hope you're OK, whole scenario sounds quite upsetting.

This. Normal people don’t act like this , he must have something to hide.

Usually say a wife, but it can’t be if you’ve been on holiday with his kids.

Original poster
Iamunhinged · 30/04/2024 20:39

Definitely no wife. I know his kids. I know his ex. I had a key to his house as he did to mine. He may have met someone else but this is out of character behaviour for him. Well the him I know or knew.

OP posts:
Saytheyhear · 30/04/2024 20:43

You and your children shared a life together with him and his children.

He walked out on you and people are challenging you on reaching out the old fashioned way. Well done for being brave and putting your questions down on paper. You and your children deserve closure.

I think this man is experienced in cutting himself off from people and moving on without thought or feelings of others and therefore is likely experienced in using solicitors and law to scare people.

I would take the letter to the citizens advice and ask if you made contact with his friend because you want to continue the friendship and not because of your ex, would this effect you legally.

I would be surprised if he had the legal right to dictate who you socialise with anymore than anyone else.

As for the solicitors letter and responding, I would suspect not but do check. You're not a criminal. You did nothing wrong. He's the unhinged one.

fashionqueen1183 · 30/04/2024 20:48

Saytheyhear · 30/04/2024 20:43

You and your children shared a life together with him and his children.

He walked out on you and people are challenging you on reaching out the old fashioned way. Well done for being brave and putting your questions down on paper. You and your children deserve closure.

I think this man is experienced in cutting himself off from people and moving on without thought or feelings of others and therefore is likely experienced in using solicitors and law to scare people.

I would take the letter to the citizens advice and ask if you made contact with his friend because you want to continue the friendship and not because of your ex, would this effect you legally.

I would be surprised if he had the legal right to dictate who you socialise with anymore than anyone else.

As for the solicitors letter and responding, I would suspect not but do check. You're not a criminal. You did nothing wrong. He's the unhinged one.

I totally agree .

What kind of person does that. What awful behaviour. How can you ghost someone after being with them for years. Horrible and plain rude. Did he even say why he broke it off?!

I don’t see that just because he has sent a letter from a solicitor it means you can’t contact him or his friends. He doesn’t make the law. His friends are their own people.

I certainly wouldn’t be scared of asking my own kids if they still speak to his.

Anyway he sounds crazy so I would move on.