Exes solicitor sent letter to not contact him again

[Iamunhinged]

Long story short he ghosted me after being together some years. He also blocked me on social media and phone etc.

I sent him a registered letter just asking him what went wrong, he sent a letter back and then a week later I get this. I have no way of contacting him anyway and reading his letter I have no wish to but what do you do when you receive something like this? Do I respond to the solicitor? Do I ignore it? Its basically said not to contact him and not to contact his friends. I was actually friends with one of his friends and we only ever chatted about meeting up so I find that odd but I wont contact her again just in case.

Seems a very extreme thing to do and I dont know what the cost of the letter was (he is northern ireland and I am down south so it would be different) and I have no idea of any of this legal stuff.

There is no backstory, there is no huge thing I am omitting it really is as says above. Any advice?

Thank you all so much for the posts. Kids needed me last night, job needs me today but I have read all of them and will respond when I get a chance.

I do wonder if he only went on the holiday because it was already paid for and had his head turned prior to this but I will never know I guess.

Try not to dwell on it, easier said than done I know - you likely will never know the answers.

Incidentally whilst the solicitors letter is a clear warning shot not to contact him, there is nothing that can be enforced about staying in touch with mutual friends - that much of it is film flam, the solicitor doesn't represent the "friends", they are not named and likely have no knowledge of the letter.

I don't think the letter is weird. For most of us, if you get home from a seemingly normal holiday, with your partner of several years, and then you're ghosted, well of course you want answers!!! Even the coolest girlfriend (you know, the sort we only see on MN) wouldn't shrug her shoulders and treat it like the dentist has just cancelled. We're talking about human beings with feelings here.

Such a cool girl! Wait until it happens to you.

Very strange behaviour. My guess is he regretted replying to your letter as he felt like he'd shown some kind of weakness. "Giving in" after ghosting you so successfully. He had the urge to take back control and have the last word AGAIN so followed up with the stern solicitors letter.

Just move on.

When someone is bothering you, a solicitor's letter usually does the job of persuading that person to back off.

It's not legally binding. But if your ex wants to go to court to get an injunction to stop you harrassing or contacting him, he can use as part of his evidence, the reason that you ignored a solicitor's letter officially informing you that he wants no contact with you.

He has no legal right to instruct you not to contact other people. They would have to do that. But it has context within the "stay out of my life".

Who knows what happened?

He could have been leading a double life (other partner/ undercover job/ conman). He could have secretly won the lottery and wants to make sure you don't have a claim on it. He could have met someone he likes better (male or female) and is a coward and doesn't want to cope with your grief/ anger/ disappointment. He's made someone else pregnant. He's been feeling pressurised into making a longer term commitment with you - and would rather run for the hills.

It's pretty rotten for you that he's just cut you so suddenly and brutally out of his life, without explanation.

But you do know that at heart he's a weak man who can't face challenges. And doesn't have the empathy or integrity to end a relationship honestly.

I think it would be quite a challenge for you to find someone worse than him in your next relationship - and you know you deserve someone so much better.

Crikey OP. I don’t blame you for sending a letter - registered or otherwise! Didn’t people read the first line? The idea of ghosting someone, blocking them with zero explaining or closure after ‘some years’ together is the weirdest thing here. I can’t imagine going on holiday with someone, having dinner with them and then …you’re dead to me … with not as much as a goodbye! And there are children involved. Then the unnecessary solicitors letter … you’re hardly in baby reindeer territory. You were his partner. Frankly it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. He’s a heartless fucking weirdo.

He is clearly nuts so ignore him. However he can’t tell you who to be friends with. If you still wanna be friends with that person carry on.

might not be a proper solicitor either as surely no one would be so stupid to say you can’t be friends with those people. That would be not just highly inappropriate but also slavery.

Ok Martha
Sent from my ipnone

He sounds unhinged

The solicitor's letter has no legal standing. Sounds like he is a bully. You are well out. However, if you have made friends with someone, he cannot stop you contacting her - but is she his new lady perhaps?

He sounds like an awful man OP who does that. I have experienced being ghosted & it hurts like hell there was a back story in my situation & part of me gets the ghosting but to not be sat down & explained to face to face is cowardly even a text or bloody email would be better than ghosting! This is even worse in your situation when you’ve got the kids who have become friends etc.
i totally get your letter you needed answers. I hope the initial letter he sent gave you those answers and you can move on. Ignore the solicitor letter.
10 years on, a husband & kids later that ghosting by my ex still hurts even though I wouldn’t give him the time of day now obviously. I don’t think people realise what a psychological impact ghosting can have on a person.
Enjoy your weekend away tell your friends laugh, cry, drink, vent, let it out you’ll feel loads better x

He doesn’t want you contacting his friend’s wife because he’s probably blamed you for the break up in some way and doesn’t want them realizing he ghosted you like that because he’ll look like a shit then.

And/or he’s already introducing his new lady to them and has told them you ended everything to make it seem less crap that he’s got someone new so quickly/overlap.

I wouldn’t read too much into this especially the timing. You wrote to him and registered the letter which probably spooked him a bit. He replied to you, but then thought about it, maybe discussed it with somebody and decided to see a solicitor. It could easily take a week from the time he made the decision, got an appointment and the letter was written. As others have said, it’s over, no more contact. You don’t need to do anything else. Good luck with moving forward

A lot to think about in posts. Been crazy with trying to sort the kids out etc so I can head away for a few days but it is good as it is keeping my mind off things.
A lot of different persectives. Maybe I need to take off my rose tinted glasses.

I think you are blaming yourself because you are in shock.

TBH he soulds absolutely appalling. You spent time together shared a bed & he ghosted you after a holiday. That is not normal behaviour. He is an absolute coward.

I understand why you sent the letter you needed some answers and it was your only way to communicate. You now need to start realising what a nasty weak self indulgent person he is.

Sending a solicitors letter to the person you cruelly dumped just shows how vile he is. The letter makes him look pathetic it is not as if you have been bothering him - just 1 letter from you asking for an explanation. I would ignore what explanation he gave in his return letter he probably blamed you for everything.

He discarded you by blocking you because he found that easy. People like that will already have their eyes elsewhere.

Be kind to yourself.

This kind of sounds like abusive behaviour from him. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up contacting you. If he does… run a mile. There’s something about this whole thing that just sounds narcissistic and coercive to me.

OP , you got your answers in the letter he sent. So I think that should be enough. Please don't try contacting him anymore, it sounds like it'll be bordering on harassment and stalking. He's clearly not interested. Try filling your time with something else, go out, meet new people.

Again thank you all for the responses even the ones who do not read the actual thread properly but like to wade in anyway.

I had already cut contact. I got no answers really however his letter to me was all poor him which totally turned me off him anyway so that is neither here nor there. I just queried why a legal letter on here as it was sent from the UK to Ireland so technically different laws and was not sure if I was to respond to it or just ignore. I did not sign for it even though it says on it that is is to be signed for again no big deal in the grand scheme so even if I was to respond legally in some way there is no proof I got it to begin with as my ring doorbell shows the postman just putting it in the box and nobody to sign.

Weekend with the girls will definitely be a good thing. Very much looking forward to it.

I agree. I think that's a perfectly normal reaction. He's the weird one, ghosting someone he was in a long term relationship with. I would have sent a letter too. And probably sent it recorded, so that you'd know if it was received. Then if they don't reply, you know they received it and chose not to reply rather than it was lost in the post.

He's behaved appallingly, I can't believe some posters are focusing on your registered letter as if that's the worst thing that's happened here 🙄

I suspect you might be right that perhaps he met someone new but the holiday was already booked so he didn't want to leave before that. What a coward.

Enjoy your weekend away!

I went out with a lovely guy who then dated and married someone who we all thought was a complete cow for years before!

She persuaded him that I was stalking him and to go totally non-contact. It was a shock as I'd thought we'd stay friends when we broke up. According to his friend the final straw was me having my WEDDING Reception where he apparently still worked. (It was several years later, my Mum suggested the Venue, very few options locally).

It's sad he felt the need to go totally non-contact but maybe it's a sign of a dodged bullet.

Where the hell have you got that the OP plans to contact him again from?!

And she moved on he again contacted her after she moved on like? Why? Is he going to do it again if she continues to not contact him? How much more no contact does one person require? 🤔

I’m sorry this happened @Iamunhinged …
I think men do very strange things sometimes, and we will never understand why they’re so lacking in the empathy department!
I had a friend who woke up one morning, her husband had sex with her and she went off to work as normal…. She got a text from a neighbour asking if they were moving out so she shot home to find her husband and FIL loading the car up and he was leaving her!
Another friends Dad went fishing one day and never came home!…. Hee mum was frantic with worry, texting, calling, went to where he was fishing.. nothing.. called police and reported him missing and then heard it from the police that he’d ran off with someone else!!…
me and my exH were together 16 years!.. he text me on a night shift and just said the marriage was over .. wouldn’t talk about why… I’ve just excepted that we fell out of love and moved on alone, ibe not taken it personally as he’s only bothered to see his DD once in 2 years, sometimes we just have to think it’s a them problem!
Your ex sounds horrible…. No reasonable person could harbour ill feeling for months (over your argument), still go on holiday and act normal …. No nice person would just block someone hee been seeing for years and not give an explanation.. Sounds to me like your letter made him feel guilty so he made up a load of crap to excuse his behaviour and cowardly actions… then doesn’t want his friends finding out what a prick he’s been so sent the solicitors letter to protect his ego !
He actually has so legal right by the way to tell you that you can not contact his friends… you can contact whoever you like, including him unless he’s taken out an order against you, which he won’t have as you need extensive proof in order to do so!!
I think you dodged a bullet here, he sounds like he’s been hiding his real personality from you…. Like a say, no nice person treats someone they’ve shared a bed with like this!!
personally the bitchy part in me would get satisfaction from sending the friend you have (his friends wife) a brief description of what happened just so he doesn’t get to make up shit about you! Just a breezy ‘Hi, not sure if Dave has told you yet, but we broke up. .. see what response you get..
I wonder if he’s faked the letter, (I know people who have done this!) .. i’d be shocked if a solicitor would write such drivel banning you from contacting people that your ex simply doesn’t have the right to do! His friends have the right to ask you not to involve them or whatever, but he’s no right to tell you what you can and can’t do!! He’s likely telling them all that you dumped him or that you did something on holiday!