Exes solicitor sent letter to not contact him again

[Iamunhinged]

Long story short he ghosted me after being together some years. He also blocked me on social media and phone etc.

I sent him a registered letter just asking him what went wrong, he sent a letter back and then a week later I get this. I have no way of contacting him anyway and reading his letter I have no wish to but what do you do when you receive something like this? Do I respond to the solicitor? Do I ignore it? Its basically said not to contact him and not to contact his friends. I was actually friends with one of his friends and we only ever chatted about meeting up so I find that odd but I wont contact her again just in case.

Seems a very extreme thing to do and I dont know what the cost of the letter was (he is northern ireland and I am down south so it would be different) and I have no idea of any of this legal stuff.

There is no backstory, there is no huge thing I am omitting it really is as says above. Any advice?

Yes you are making sense. Did you see my above post about things you’re suddenly questioning?

The ironic thing is I still wont say bad things about the man. I am just very confused. I have not told my friends because I am trying to make sense of it all first.

We’re happy to help along the way, if you want to try to make sense of it here.

This

@EatCrow I did and I think it might take a while to gather my thoughts on it all. I never once doubted the person he was though so its strange to think maybe I should have. Had he just left it at that letter then yes I would be still confused and hurt etc but this legal thing has me absolutely bewildered.

Nope he is drawing a line in the sand. Do not contact me again or my friends and family. Most sensible people will move on and not respond

And she is doing, albeit very hurt and bewildered by it.

I say this gently, could you consider he may have wanted this reaction from you? To be hurt and confused and not be able to discuss how you feel?

But I was not contacting anyone anyway.

@EatCrow but for what purpose? Like I sent him a letter, I got a response not one I wanted but a response. I started licking my wounds and then the legal letter. It just does not make sense. Its not the man I thought I knew. At all.

This is only a suggestion - you say you had a big row some time ago. Can you rethink that row?

Sorry my response is to another posters post. Quote function is failing on the app for me.

I know every bit of the row and it was entirely my fault. I admitted it, held my hands up, apologised etc. He said he was over it. He did not need to say that he could have tiold me he needed time or anything but it was months before this.

No matter what the explanation (and you’ll probably never get to the bottom of it, although this will matter less over time) he sounds horrible OP ☹️

So all of you who are asking op why she sent a registered letter - if you were in a long term relationship came back from a family holiday with your partner and they just ghosted you and blocked you on everything - you'd just shrug and go 'ah well he obviously doesn't want contact' and leave it at that?? Wtaf! I'd have sent a registered letter too - I'd want to know wth was going on. What a hideously nasty way to end a relationship!!

The reason I asked is because I had a man who would never, ever show me his hurt. We’d argue, make up and I thought it was put to bed. Then out of the blue he’d do something so spiteful it would have me reeling. This went on for years (very long and convoluted story) and it was only afterwards I saw it was his way of taking revenge. I was up front, showed my feelings, got over things etc., thought he was doing the same. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so.

He sounds like a shit, together years and he doesn't even have the balls to tell you face to face that he doesn't want to continue the relationship? Seems like the trash took itself out.

@IrritatedB3dM4ker Im not even offended by the comments I am just ashamed that society thinks this is acceptable now. A friend of mine was with a guy for 5 years. They had their separate homes on the market, were looking at somewhere to buy together. He had his sold and she was sale agreed. They had a place rented in HER name to move into for a few months while they looked around for their forever home. The day they were to move in together he blocked her from everywhere he could and she has never heard from him since. He is alive she knows that but that was it. Cold feet, walked away. She was absolutely destroyed.

@EatCrow that is awful. Scary too. It would make you rethink everything you ever know about people. Im sorry you had to go through that but now I see why you are in my corner. Thank you. It cant be easy reliving it all.

He did it once no need to do it a second time it's a pointless waste of time and effort she was already leaving him alone she sent one letter asking for an explanation

Thank you. I let it destroy me I’m afraid and I don’t want that happening to you. I didn’t bring up the row to make you feel bad but I think something happened during that row and quite possibly you’re feeling the fall-out now.

@Theunamedcat not just the time but the money. Any idea how much it would cost to see a solicitor about this?

@EatCrow oh look this wont destroy me, I have kids I have to live for if nothing else. Broken hearted yes, confused absolutely but I will get through it. The row had been discussed and disected to death afterwards. He said he was over it, still loved me all that. Then after more months of us together he decides that was it. I dont think that was the reason but I thnk something triggered him maybe but I will never know. Get me to that hotel with my friends and a jameson and coke immediately!

I can understand why you wrote after being ghosted. I think the people suggesting that being blocked on SM would cause most people to just move on are ignoring the way our psyche works.

I also see why the solicitor's letter feels extreme to you. I wonder, given what you've said about him so far if it's down to him compartmentalizing his life as a coping mechanism. So he put your big row in a box for a while until he decided it was too much and blew you off. Now you've reappeared - albeit you're fine to not contact him again- he feels the need to try and reinforce that wall and a solicitor's letter is how he does that. It's about him feeling like he can relax without having to confront his past and integrate his time with you with his current reality more than it's about what he's scared you will really do iyswim.

Also, for what it's worth, while he can tell you not to contact him again, his request not to contact the mutual friend, if you do so to further your friendship with her rather than as a proxy for contacting him, is without any merit at all. He doesn't get to demand you drop friendships because he wants to ghost you.

I presume a registered letter is like a tracked delivery or whatever, where you get a signature so you know that it has been received?
what is wrong with people on here? Your long term partner just blocks you, vanishes from your life and you’re supposed to just be ‘oh well’ and forget about it? wtf? Most people would have been round at his house or finding other ways to contact him. What a a total utter arsehole. He is allowed to leave the relationship but ffs how little respect do you have to have for someone to not even explain to them that you’re breaking up with them? And to send a lawyers letter when there is no harassment whatsoever. I’m actually speechless at his actions and speechless at pp suggesting you are the unreasonable one here.

It would cost roughly £130.00 for half hour consultation, £260 for an hour. I’m guessing the letter would be covered during that consultation.