Can my ex withold his new address and still take our child for the weekend?

[srj11]

I have been separated for about 5 years and we recently did an online divorce. We have never had a formal agreement in place and my ex has seen his daughter on and off. He often cancels seeing her. He doesn't pay any maintenance (he says he is unemployed).
He has recently moved 100s of miles away to live with his new girlfriend. I don't have an issue with this but I messaged him to say we needed to discuss how this will impact his ability to see our daughter. I got no response. After 4 weeks of no contact he announced at the beginning of this week that he will pick her up from school for the weekend. I asked for his new address and, bizarrely, he is refusing to give it to me. I have told him that he cannot take her unless I knew where she will be staying.
He seems to think he can take me to court over this. can he?

Any advice would be great.

AFAIK you don't have any legal right to know how address. Madness imo, but there we are.

He moved miles away so tell him to take you to court!

He doesn’t have to tell you the address and if you think he’s serious about court you might want to take legal advice before withholding contact over the issue. It might be used against you.

mot saying it’s right and it comes across as petty (my ex did the same although he still lives in the same town as me so I could work it out anyway 🙄) it’s a power trip

No, I don’t think you have any right to know. It’s because he, as her father, is responsible for her when she is under his care, so there’s no need for you to know.
I think you should claim child support, though, if you can. He shouldn’t be dodging his responsibilities.

If he takes you to court it will have his address on the application. I'm sure in extreme dv cases it can be witheld but it would be a process to do that.

I do think you have a right to know, as he has a right to know where you live and where his child is. It's weird that he's keeping it from you.

Courts work in the best interest of the child and it is not in their best interest to be taken to an unknown place out of the blue by someone they hardly spend much time with.

He should, of course, get to see his child but surely be better in the child's environment where they are comfortable.

I would seriously think about getting a formal agreement in place, but not necessarily through court. Perhaps through a solicitor if you can afford to. I would avoid court if you can as you are essentially taking the ultimate decision out of your own hands and giving it a court.

Tbf he could give you any address (unless you ask for proof) have you asked why he doesn't want you to know? I wonder how he would feel if you moved and refused to tell him where you were living. I think I'd stick to my guns though. Point out maybe it's time to involve courts for maintenance.

Apply for CSA anyway. If he got a job at least you would get something.

So you tell him this weekend isnt convenient and you need more notice. Tell the school she has a medical appointment and collect her an hour early that day.

Is he expecting you to provide luggage or does he have hus own clothes, shoes, suncream and toiletries for her? I guess he must do if he is turning up to collect her straight from school. Wonder how that works if he is unemployed.

He won't take you to court if he is unemployed I expect, sounds like a stupid threat.

It is reasonable that you have other plans and he needs to arrange dates with advance warning of minimum two weeks if he refuses to put a regular arrangement in place.

But ultimately at some point he will have to take her I suppose.

So I would right away. Buy a cheap second hand phone and set up Location Sharing in FamilySharing settings. Fully charge the phone, zip it into a little pencil case, turn it on when DD goes to school and put the pencil case at the bottom of her school bag. If the phone is on silent it is highly unlikely her dad will even notice it and you will know where the bag ends up.

If your DD is at school she is anyway most likely capable of having a phone. Get her one promptly, set up all of the settings to limit access to apps etc, and teach her how to use it and charge it. At least then you know she can contact you if she needs or wants to talk to you.

Let him take you to court. I wouldn't send my children to an unknown address with a flaky dad and his new girlfriend.

If he's on the birth certificate, then he has PR and can take her. He is under no obligation to tell you the address.

However, tell him that as a parent it is also up to him to provide her with everything she needs for the weekend - clothes, PJs, toothbrush, hairbrush etc. You do not have to provide them. You could provide them for this weekend, if he provides the address and stops acting like an inconsiderate prat.

And put in a CMS claim. Don't just believe him.

As long as the only reason your withholding contact isn’t the lack of knowing his address then let him take you to court.
He’s flaky and already done 4 weeks with no contact with his daughter and straight away wanted a weekend with her at a home she’s spent no time at. Also go to CSA, even on benefits he needs to pay you something and a little is better than nothing.

It sounds like court might be a good idea anyway as he need a schedule for contact. Just insisting after 4 weeks of no contact is not in the best interests for your child.

Even if he doesn’t have to legally tell you I would expect to know the address my child is going to.

Sounds like he is concerned you will use it to claim child maintenance. I would call his bluff on taking you to court as it sounds like it would actually be in your interest to let him do so.

He has moved 100 miles away and doesn’t contribute financially.

My friends ex was made to give her his address- ordered by court.

But he had taken her for 2 weeks (meant to be day contact) and turned his phone off. So she had no idea where her child was.

My XH refused to give me his new address, too. He also moved some considerable distance away. I didn't realise so many men did this - I thought he was a uniquely controlling tw@t! Luckily, DD was a teenager and not interested in spending her weekends travelling to see him. Even now, a decade and several house moves later, he thinks I don't know where he lives.

I do 😂

Op

you need to seriously woman up

First thing…. CMS. When I say “first thing” I mean contact them TODAY and get ball rolling

secondly, no no no to ex telling me when he will be taking my daughter

you drop the school an email to say only YOU are able to collect as RP with full parental rights

you do everything in writing with him. And say that you need to go through a lawyer to arrange access

fwiw you don’t need an address for child maintenance claims. They will try and find him

you drop the school an email to say only YOU are able to collect as RP with full parental rights
**
it doesn't work like this. If he's down on her records at school as her legal father, and if he's on her birth certificate, then they are obliged to give her to him unless there is a court order preventing it.

Oh and echoing everyone who says to get onto CMS. He might be telling the truth but you should get it on the system so once he does start working it's already in place.

Your dd does have a right to see her father although I understand your position I would not withhold contact until court.

I would however:
Do a cms claim
Request he takes you to court / mediation to get a formal arrangement in place
Offer contact in a contact centre / soft play / local place for you. This was you have facilitated their relationship. Offer face time etc.
He is flakey and a shit, but don't withhold contact as it just makes you look abusive to the outside world- although justified

some of that advice will get
you into trouble.
1: CMS -yes, do this.
2: If he has parental responsibility-is he on the birth certificate?-he has as much right to take her as the OP. She is his daughter too.
3: The school can’t do anything if he has parental responsibility.
4: put things in writing-yes, do this and get a solicitor to formalise contact.

Oh I don’t doubt that by refusing your daughter travels 100s of miles with a man she hardly knows may get you “in trouble”

but hell yes, I’d risk “getting in trouble”

it won’t fly in court as the op would be able to demonstrate minimal involvement and a refusal to engage and a last minute demand hence extreme concern.

so if he has to travel 100s of miles and then face the op at school having already collected her daughter, then 🤷‍♀️. He has wasted a lot of petrol and will have to turn around and head off again

How old is your daughter? If she is old enough to know your address and be able to tell you what his address is when she gets there, or other people what her address is (in case of emergency), I would be ok about her going.
Do you know the area that they have moved to if not the specific address? If you do, you can probably find out her address anyway from the electoral roll if you know her name.

Oh, and I agree with everyone who has said to start a CMS claim. Luckily, I had been warned in advance to make sure I had his NI number so even without an address it was quite straightforward. XH was incandescent! It gave me a great deal of satisfaction.

Is it possible that his new girlfriend has told him not to give the address because she is on benefits and hasn't told the authorities about him moving in with her?

There is no way on this earth I would allow that. I don't care whether that's legal or not, I'd be quite happy to justify myself in court. And I agree with everyone else, apply for child support immediately.