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Original poster

Ex wants me to share costs on travels.

26 replies

Lublyjubly1 · 26/02/2020 16:39

Ex lives in bgham and I live in Southampton. We're still married but separated.

He has moved there by choise to start a new life a year ago. But he wants me to drop of our kids every other week half way to there.

I have commitments . He has chosen to live that far.

I have started to receive maintance money from him 2 months ago. Do i have to oblige to drop them off and pick them up half way?

My girls are really disrupted with this whole arrangement. It's affecting their routine and lifestyle.

Any advice or info would be great.

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 26/02/2020 20:36

You don't have to but, if you don't, he may be able to reduce maintenance to take account of the cost of contact assuming you are using the CMS calculation.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 26/02/2020 21:04

Yes cms calculation. Would he have to go to court for that or what is the process ?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 26/02/2020 21:59

Most people I know choose non-resident parent to pick up from home and resident parent to pickup from ex’s. That way, you’re still doing 50/50, but you’re not waiting for each other to arrive.

champagneandfromage50 · 26/02/2020 22:01

Usually if one of the parents chooses to move a long way away they are responsible for collecting and dropping off there DC. If you want to go half way that's a choice you can make but you don't have to ....

prh47bridge · 26/02/2020 22:59

If it is arranged through CMS he would apply to them for a variation.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 26/02/2020 23:29

So if the parent that moves far a way even if it is the resident parent. Do they have to do the dropping and picking up to ?

OP posts:
fairgroundsnack · 26/02/2020 23:31

My understanding is that the courts will usually order travel to be shared, even if one parent has moved away.

Collaborate · 26/02/2020 23:33

It won’t affect the CMS assessment by much. The cost of travel is taken off his income before the calculation is made.

Most of the time when the court has to decide who does the travel they make whoever moved away do more of or all of the travel.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 01:39

So really in this situation... He's the one that moved so far out . The obligation is for him to do the picking and dropping off. So I can point blank refuse to do it ? Would he then have to apply to court order to challenge this?

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 27/02/2020 07:58

That is my understanding. Let him take you to court. Courts frown upon non resident parents moving miles away thus affecting there ability to see there DC. Interestingly he could stop you from moving miles away but yet he moved himself and expects you to support his decision but doing half the travelling to facilitate his contact. I think some men forget your no longer the wife. I feel for his DC who are most affected by his decision.

prh47bridge · 27/02/2020 08:04

You can refuse to do it. He could try to get a court order but, as Collaborate says, the likely outcome is that the court would order him to do most or all of the travelling.

Clangus00 · 27/02/2020 08:05

It depends on the Judge. Some make each parent do one way, some make it halfway, some make the parent who moved do it.
Personally, I’d meet halfway and show your children that (even though there’s loads of resentment) you’re both still capable of being decent parents and ensuring they spend their time with their dad.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 10:52

I can't afford to drop the kids. Paying the mortgage and bringing the kids up all by myself.

I did say to him why did he choose to move so far away if he couldn't do the full travelling. He then starts to throw abuse about why would I want him closer etc ?

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 27/02/2020 11:34

Decent parents dont decide to move hundreds of miles away from there DC. Lublyjubly1 he moved away from his DC. He needs to ensure he can see his DC and you cant afford the additional petrol costs involved in dropping them off. Dont engage with him any further about it however be prepared for when he stops bringing the DC back and your forced to drive and get them as he sounds like the type that will play games and not care his DC are caught in the middle

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 12:32

If he doesn't bring the kids back ? Can he legally do that ? And will I have to take it to court...?

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 27/02/2020 13:05

If there are no court orders in place he could refuse to return your children. If that happened you would have to go to court to get them back.

prh47bridge · 27/02/2020 13:05

Of course, even if there is a court order in place he could ignore it and refuse to return the children, making you go to court to get them back.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 13:22

What's the likelihood of either of us go to court and the court will favour 1 of us in regards to this ? I mean he chose to move hundreds of miles away. Even I told him that a stupid idea especially as I've never stopped him seeing our kids.

We are separated and not officially divorced. Neither of us want to be together either.

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 27/02/2020 13:25

Of course he can keep the children if there's no residency order, HOWEVER that would not go well for him in court.
Sadly no one can tell you exactly how courts would rule. It depends on circumstances and the judge.
Seriously, get a lawyer ASAP, take this to court to get all the i's dotted & t's crossed.
That way you'll all know where you stand in relation to the children's rights.
Good luck.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 14:17

Would you know roughly how much it would cost to take it to a court ? Because I don't want to be ripped offm

OP posts:
Collaborate · 27/02/2020 14:30

It depends how much you're prepared to do yourself.

Clangus00 · 27/02/2020 14:47

I THINK £250 ish to file if you do it yourself. But to be honest, it sounds like he could be twisted so I recommend legal advice.

HisValentine · 27/02/2020 18:22

If he moved to his new location because of a job or something that would benefit the children - more maintenance or bigger home, close to his family, then the court may say travel should be shared.

My DH went to court. We moved an hour from his DD to be near family, bigger home and for a better rural life. He asked if they could share the travel. His ex refused (tbh I would have too) but the Judge said that he understood our reasons to move and that in our new home their DD would have her own bed and space. So she was told to share the travel.

Original poster
Lublyjubly1 · 27/02/2020 22:34

Not sure what DD and DH etc is ?

OP posts:
Elieza · 27/02/2020 22:54

DD is darling daughter.
DH is darling husband.

There are a whole lot of acronyms used on MN.
Like DS, darling som
DF, darling father, DM, darling mother, DP, darling parents.

Although DP can also mean darling partner. And DD can also mean darling dog. Oh and DF can also mean darling friend
Just depends on the context.
Bet you wish you’d never asked now...!

Smile