Unmarried pregnant Brit, Canadian father resident in South Korea who doesnt acknowledge paternity

[1Micem0use]

So im currently an English teacher in South Korea and will be returning to the UK to settle next month. Am 21 weeks pregnant. The father is a Canadian citizen who is also an English teacher in South Korea. We arent married.
The pregnancy was the result of a contraceptive failure. He wanted me to get an illegal and therefore unsafe abortion. I refused and have continued with my pregnancy.
He hasnt attended a single scan, or contributed towards medical costs.
He hasnt once asked me a single question about how the pregnancy is going.
When I told him that in order to go on the birth certificate he would have to sign some paperwork acknowledging paternity he told me that he wont. That the baby isnt his until a dna test says so.
Because of his unsupportive, emotionally and verbally abusive behavior towards me during the pregnancy, and his lack of interest in our baby im now not sure I want him to have PR. I imagine coparenting across continents would be challenging even with the most amenable father.
So my question is can he even go about forcing a dna test? As a foreign non UK resident?
Im all for allowing contact via Skype, and supervised visitation. But I dont want him to have PR.
I also have no interest in anything financial from him.

I don’t know much about the international thing but If He wants PR, which from what you’ve said I doubt, he will almost certainly get it. PR is given to all parents unless there is a strong reason such as criminal conviction that may pose a threat to a child. If he wants PR, he will get it.

If you have no interest in gaining anything financial for him, I don’t see the point In making any contact with him. He doesn’t even want to be on the birth certificate.

He doesn’t seem to want to have a child or be involved so there would be nothing to gain.

If you wanted some financial support, that would be another thing.

It sounds like a really tough situation. Good Luck.

Thanks for the info about PR. Youre right, he probably wont go to the bother of seeking it. As he wont be on the birth certificate hed have to prove paternity first. Which I imagine would be an expensive bother for him.
Yeah its not an ideal situation. Thanks for the luck :)

And no I wont be contacting him anymore. He clearly doesnt want to be involved.

Leave him one long-term point of contact e.g a relative’s postal address. Something that would require a bit of effort, not just email or social media.

Access maternity care as soon as you are home. You can self-refer to midwifery services in most areas I believe.

For goodness sake take this as a blessing, don't try and force contact or paternity tests, it could be disastrous in the long run especially if one day he decides he wants contact or takes the child.
Leave him off the birth certificates, that way he is your child and you never have to worry about the father's rights.
it sounds like he couldn't care less anyway.
All you need for your child are photos and a name. They can worry about contact when they grow up.

I dont want to force a dna test and hes not going on the birth certificate. The latter being his choice. I was wondering if he could force a dna test. I know it would be pretty straight forward for him to get a court order for that if he was a british resident or citizen. I dont want to force contact. But i wouldnt prevent online contact or supervised visitation.

Thats a really good idea. About the relatives address. Thank you :) yeah will be accessing maternity services asap. Ive been going to the doctors here, it was just that the first few visits were very expensive. After 2 months I was able to get a card with money from the government for my pregnancy related medical expenses because I pay taxes here.

Having lived there, knowing the attitudes towards unmarried mothers and the weight given to fathers’ rights above mothers’, I think you are wise to return home to give birth just in case he decides to exercise his “rights” to prevent you leaving with your child.

What a terrifying thought. But yeah, its like a time warp to the 50s but with smart phones here.

Be in the U.K. by 24 weeks in case you go into early labour.

It’s important your dc is born in the U.K.

Register alone and dont bother contacting him again.

Thanks for the advice. My flights booked for the 28th. So ill be 26 weeks.

If he applies to a British court it is possible. But a lot of effort for him to go to. Will he even know where you are though?

Also you know you might be chargeable for your NHS care right? You have to be considered ordinarily resident. Another reason why getting back as soon as possible would be a good idea.

I will be ordinarily resident. Im going back to stay. My work visa for South Korea will have ended.

He knows im going to be living in Gloucester with my brothers for about a year, and later moving to Swansea, where im going to buy a house. He has no actual addresses

It doesn’t sound like he will pursue this so it is unlikely to be an issue until your child wants to know who his or her father is at some point in the distant future when they are a young adult. Would you have a way of contacting him then?

it doesn't sound much like he's going to pursue you with a dna test etc so i would just give him a contact address then forget about him. you can always tell your child when they're older that he was Canadian living in south Korea and couldn't come back to the uk with you. personally, i'd find that ok as a child (better than having a half-arsed uninvolved parent in the same country)

Make sure you have a paper trail to help prove you're ordinarily resident. Get on the council tax and utility bills, if you have a UK bank account make sure you're using it to make UK transactions.

Ah i forsee this being stressful. For babys first year im going to be staying with my brothers and paying them rent but i wont be on any bills or the tenancy agreement, although the landlord is fine with me being there.

I did ask them to let me pay a bill for my proof of address but theyve already got everything set up.

Only social media. If i dont have that in the future I suppose I could go to his embassy with his full name and date of birth, explain the circumstances, and ask for help contacting him.

Do you have his date of birth and place of birth? Those would help an adult child to trace him if needed for medical reasons etc in the future.

Ive got his date of birth. I know he was born in Jamaica but moved to Canada as a child, and is a Canadian citizen. And lived in Toronto before Korea

He was born on star wars day, May 4th, so luckily that was memorable

Your name will have to be on the council tax bill at least, so I'd do that as soon as you're back. And the electoral roll.

Will do. Thanks for the advice. Its all a bit overwhelming. Moving back, and needing to prove ive properly moved back to get healthcare.