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Original poster

Will PR be granted? Please give advice.

202 replies

Olafsmum · 24/04/2014 17:33

Hi previously in court once (directions hearing I think its called). ex wants contact of our 8 month old DC and to be on the birth certificate.
He has seen DC a handful of times, doesn't pay maintenance, I haven't claimed it, and I don't want it but he has brought gifts numerous times and posted some odds and ends.
I am not allowing contact unless it is at contact centre. I would like reports of him bonding with dc and I don't understand why he is interested. (He is engaged, she has a child I believe they are trying for one of their own)
In court last time we agreed contact centre and that I add him to the birth certificate. I haven't added him. And he hasn't had any contact at all as he couldn't afford the transport or contact centre costs (would cost him £90 a session - low income I believe.)
He has been in contact a lot indirectly, sent gifts asks for photos daily. But I still do not want any less than contact centre. I don't want to be around him, feels like he flaunts his happy life infront of me and I cant be doing with it while struggling to keep my own relationship together tbh.

So what is likely to happen now in court please? I am self representing and very nervous. Is it likely he is to be granted contact outside of a contact centre? He hasn't done anything towards me or dc... and is being nice. Will I be forced to add him to the birth certificate now?
Cafcass checks have come back clear for both sides - if that helps?

OP posts:
Whereisegg · 30/04/2014 12:31

Further to my earlier post saying that your reasons for not wanting him to see ds are ridiculous...

Your reasons are that you don't know him, and you don't like him.
What they actually are op, are reasons not to sleep with him.

CPtart · 30/04/2014 13:21

This country is like it is because people like you go around "breeding" at the drop of a hat with relative "strangers" and the poor children are left damaged as a result of the fallout.
Like it or not, you chose this man to be the father of your child. Your love for your child and parental instinct to do the best by them should be stronger than your hatred for your ex. You sound rather jealous tbh.

starlight1234 · 30/04/2014 13:22

wellcoveredsparerib where is new thread though not sure I should read it..I find 8 pages of people saying she is wrong and she ignores it infuriating enough

lostdad · 30/04/2014 14:50

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo `No!!!! Contact centres are used for children who the parent seeking contact has been;

Violent
Abusive
Alcoholic
Addicts'

Not entirely true. There are plenty of parents who are none of the above who are stuck in contact centres. Courts try to get orders by consent but if parents don't a contact centre is the usual option.

I work as a McKenzie Friend. In my experience it is far from unusual for a resident parent to a) not make any allegations of abuse, alcoholism or substance abuse but b) insist on contact in a contact centre.

I was one of them in my own case. It is demeaning, insulting and my son hated it.

Original poster
Olafsmum · 30/04/2014 15:31

His father has just informed me he is going on holiday, although paid for by her family, which yes I know to be true as I "stalked them" on facebook.
He still has had to fork out on a new passport!! (told me didn't have an in date one when I panicked because I mentioned him possibly abducting him last year!)

So he cant afford contact at a contact centre, but can get a new passport?
Reasons like this are why I know I am doing the best thing for my son.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 30/04/2014 15:36

Reasons like this are why I know I am doing the best thing for my son

No, examples like this is just showing you to be jealous of his relationship and one twisted individual who is prepared to put her own son's long tem interest and welfare behind those of her own selfish, twisted view of superiority!. What does it matter if he goes on holiday - you wont let him see his son anyway!

You are one cruel woman who does not deserve their son.

Cupid5tunt · 30/04/2014 15:40

OP You are fucking insane.

Whereisegg · 30/04/2014 15:44
Shock
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 30/04/2014 15:46

Oh i wish i could send a link to this thread to your judge.

OP take someone with you to court for support. You are going to need them help carry the plate holding your arse.

Patchouli · 30/04/2014 15:48

Crikey.

prh47bridge · 30/04/2014 15:59

Reasons like this are why I know I am doing the best thing for my son

You really think the courts will be impressed with this argument? A passport costs £72.50. You want him to pay £90 every time you allow your son to see his father. Not that it is relevant in any case. You don't have any say in how he spends his money (or, indeed, how his partner's family spend their money).

You have absolutely no valid reason for your insistence on a contact centre. The only justification you have given is the limited number of times he has seen his son but that is entirely down to your attempts to prevent contact.

All you are succeeding in doing with posts like this is making it clear that mediation would be pointless. As far as you are concerned you are right and everyone else is wrong. I'm afraid you will shortly be facing a judge who will tell you that you are wrong. What will you do then?

nomoretether · 30/04/2014 16:12

Not that your comment makes any sense at all but how do you know her/her family aren't paying for the passport?

Absolutely no point commenting on this anymore. You're obviously determined to ignore all advice given from people on this thread who have been in your situation, fathers in your exes situation, family lawyers etc

You know the answers to the questions you've asked. Any hope that you will be successful is entirely delusional and I seriously think you need to get some help. The sad thing is I don't think you're ready to receive that help and ultimately you are going to harm your son in the process.

It is frustrating to watch you ignore all of this well informed and reasonable advice but more than anything it's just sad that you can't or won't put aside your own pain to protect your son from your issues.

So very sad :(

PatriciaHolm · 30/04/2014 16:13

I'm beginning to think this cannot possibly be true. No one is this dense and deliberately obtuse.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 30/04/2014 16:14

I think so too patricia. I think this is a fishing trip.

millymollymoomoo · 30/04/2014 16:16

^ ^

this.

No one can be this dense and selfish can they? really?

Groovee · 30/04/2014 16:16

The more you post, the more I feel for your son. You refuse to listen to anyone, believe only YOU are right. Sad One day your son may just open his eyes and walk away from you and you will be a sad lonely person who will continue to blame everyone else.

NatashaBee · 30/04/2014 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier · 30/04/2014 16:25

The more You post Op, The more I believe this thread is complete made up nonsense and you are just looking for attention. No one can possible be this thick.

CPtart · 30/04/2014 16:29

Confirmed. Dead jealous.

Fairylea · 30/04/2014 16:29

He doesn't need to afford a contact centre because there is no need for one. You are bonkers.

DespicableWee · 30/04/2014 16:48

Please do tell the judge about his affording a passport meaning he is selfish and neglectful. Please, please make very sure you tell the judge exactly how you know this.

My ex did something similar, gave the judge a big sob story about how unfit I was and how SS had been investigating me. When he admitted that he 'knew' this because he had hacked our son's FB account, copied photos of a guest's child at my house and reported to SS that it was my child and I was neglecting them, the judge utterly dismissed the accusations, blasted my ex for making them and ignored anything else he said.

RustyParker · 30/04/2014 17:19

OP, you're supposed to love your children more than you hate your ex.

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/04/2014 17:22

I'd also love to send a copy to the court but if this is true the judge will see right through you, blast you for wasting time and costs and grant your ex lot of time with his child.

Hopefully with his passport, he'll use it again in future to have some amazing times with his child.

MidniteScribbler · 30/04/2014 22:05

OP, if nothing else makes you see reason, think of it this way:

How would you feel about being expected to pay 90 pounds a week for supervised access to your own son? Because that is exactly the path you are going down if you continue to be this obstructive. The judge will order that your son lives with his father and provide you with supervised access at your own cost since you would not be considered safe to be left alone with your own child due to being considered an abduction risk.

Think about how you want your relationship with your son to be in the future.

lostdad · 01/05/2014 12:11

Hopefully her ex does know about this thread and will use it.

I've lost count of the number of hearings I have acted as a McKenzie Friend and seen pages from the internet used as evidence (such as Facebook) to devastating effect.