Will PR be granted? Please give advice.

[Olafsmum]

Hi previously in court once (directions hearing I think its called). ex wants contact of our 8 month old DC and to be on the birth certificate.
He has seen DC a handful of times, doesn't pay maintenance, I haven't claimed it, and I don't want it but he has brought gifts numerous times and posted some odds and ends.
I am not allowing contact unless it is at contact centre. I would like reports of him bonding with dc and I don't understand why he is interested. (He is engaged, she has a child I believe they are trying for one of their own)
In court last time we agreed contact centre and that I add him to the birth certificate. I haven't added him. And he hasn't had any contact at all as he couldn't afford the transport or contact centre costs (would cost him £90 a session - low income I believe.)
He has been in contact a lot indirectly, sent gifts asks for photos daily. But I still do not want any less than contact centre. I don't want to be around him, feels like he flaunts his happy life infront of me and I cant be doing with it while struggling to keep my own relationship together tbh.

So what is likely to happen now in court please? I am self representing and very nervous. Is it likely he is to be granted contact outside of a contact centre? He hasn't done anything towards me or dc... and is being nice. Will I be forced to add him to the birth certificate now?
Cafcass checks have come back clear for both sides - if that helps?

PR will be granted.

They granted it to my son's father who they then issued a no contact order upon months later.

If you really don't want him on the BC and the court grant him PR you do realise that he can apply to HM office to get it amended as he has a court order and they will do it! whether you want them to or not.

I suggest you suck it up their has been no Domestic/Emotional abuse, no harassment, no drug or alcohol abuse, no threats of kidnap to the child.

The fact that he is refusing mediation and the centre won't look good but you refusing to attend mediation first of all and refusing to do the BC won't look good either.

The more YOU obstruct which you are the more they will get fed up of you, you run the risk of fines, jail and them removing your child from your care. You need to really work out what you're willing to risk more the prospect of going to jail, fines and being in your child's father's shoes when they swap residency or the fear of no fines, no jail, keeping your son in your care and him seeing him for a couple of hours a week.

I know which one I'd choose.

Jesus christ! So you have been fucking stalking him! He is accusing you and he is spot on.

"Feels like I am always being accused of one thing or another. (Trapping him, lying to him, withholding our son and info about him, now I am a stalker"

Trapping him? Sounds very more likely every post you make.
Lying? Yup- promised to put his name on birth certificate and havent done so.
Witholding child? Yes siree.
Stalking? It's a full house.

Catch a fucking grip.

This isnt about concern. This is about control. You thought you could just swan off with the baby and hoped he'd be a deadbeat who wouldnt care. Now that he has shown interet you dont like it. It has dashed all your plans of doing things exactly your way. That pesky baby daddy- how dare want to raise his son.

BTW Op when i said earlier in the thread that i have been through this, i have- with my son's grandparents. They arent even his parents and there was violence and the court still made a contact order of once a week for 4 hours. Only the first 4 sessions were supervised. After that i had to hand him over to them to take off to their house.

Your posts and your behaviour are what gives single mother's a bad name. Come on, be honest, you wanted a sperm donor who couldn't be bothered to have contact with his child, leaving you free to raise it as you wished, but this wasn't what you got.

My brother was in the same situation as your ex. He met a girl, got her pregnant, they had a baby then she threw him out and denied him contact. He accepted it though and hasn't fought to see his child, he doesn't even know where he is now. He regrets it every day but his hands are tied. This was what you wanted, wasn't it? Sadly, you have an ex who is interested. He wants to see his child and be a part of his life. The only person preventing this is you. You are harming your child by not allowing him to forge a relationship with his father and, to be honest, it's disgusting. You've come on here with a 'woe is me' attitude and no proper reasons why your child shouldn't get to know his father, and it's all bollocks. It's a selfish attitude and your child won't thank you for this in the years to come. You'll have a mess on your hands and will have no one else to blame but yourself.

Good luck.

Ladysybil spot on. It is people like the OP that stop women with serious concerns for their child's safety being taken seriously.

It's disgusting.

I can't believe how much court time they are taking up. The courts do have better things to do. Tsch!

So, you can refuse mediation but when he does it, it's out of order.

The contact centre you chose was too expensive for him, bet that wasn't a coincidence.

He's says your obstructive/a liar. You say not but you are re refusing mediation, his sensible offers of contact, and going back on agreeing to put his name on the birth certificate.

He says you've been snooping online, you have denied it to him and somehow escalated this into an accusation of you being a stalker, BUT you admit to checking out his fb (nothing wrong with that), but can't see that he is right in his suggestion you have snooped.

To be perfectly honest op, it is looking incredibly like his father is not the parent your ds needs protecting from

it is looking incredibly like his father is not the parent your ds needs protecting from

Sadly I agree and I suspect many others will as well.

So - after being told the same thing, over and over, by dozens of people who have no vested interest in you, and by your ex, and by Cafcass, wouldn't you at some point think - this is a wake up call. Some of my behaviour is wrong. And are you not concerned by all the people who are telling you your behaviour is DAMAGING for your child.

You refused mediation originally. No one is convinced that suddenly, now he has been forced to apply to the court, you are madly interested in your ex's perspective; you are just trying to delay the process. You look on their FB page but get all outraged about accusations of stalking. You lie to the court and then are indignant about your ex not trusting you. You say you want contact in a contact centre, (in your child's interest, of course) but then choose one that is prohibitively expensive, when you know he is on a low income.

No one on this thread is convinced by your protests about this being all about your son's welfare. What is clear is your jealousy about his new g/f - all this nonsense about 'controlling' the access, him 'flaunting his happy life' and her 'butting in'. This is pure spite.

I agree with your ex that it would be difficult to mediate with you. It's very much your way or no way.

I dont post on here much, more a lurker. But this post has riled me.

You sound like a very immature little girl.

I actually hope for the child's sake that the father ends up with full custody and the mother is required to pay for a contact centre once a week. This does not sound like a healthy environment for a child.

OP, you sound exactly like an old friend of mine. She carried on like this when she had a baby which was the result of a one night stand.

The baby's (who is now 7) father has 50/50 contact now which was ordered by the court.

As someone who was a family law Solicitor for 10 years I can say that I used to dread clients like you. The bleating, whining, whinging and flat out refusal to accept advice from people who have experience of how the system works and what the Court will do.

You are implacably hostile to the idea of contact. There us no point waiting around here for someone to tell you that you are right, because it's not going to happen.

in the good old days, when Legal Aid was much less of a hassle, you'd be the kind of client who would be on their third or fourth Solicitor because you didn't like what the others had said.

Oh heck, everyone is saying that no matter what you want, your baby's father will get parental rights. He sounds lovely, IMHO, and if you would just give him a chance, in a few years time you'll be delighted to have someone else who cares about your son as much as you do, and to have free time occasionally without having to pay babysitters.

As a single mother myself with an awful father to my daughter, I found that when she was twelve she really started obsessing about her father, even though she'd never even like him. That was when I realised that it was a good thing that I'd never fulfilled my dreams of writing him completely out of her life.

What way is that mumblechum?

She's already told you.

You have lied to the court over adding his name to the birth certificate. You are clearly obstructing contact. You are insisting on an expensive contact centre for no good reason. You are trying to insist on mediation having previously refused it yourself. You should not be under any illusions that the court might side with you.

You will not get what you want. He will get PR. His name will be added to the birth certificate. He will get contact without any need for a contact centre. And if you carry on there is a chance the court will decide your child should live with him permanently.

Olaf - you will keep us updated how court goes, right?

I agree with Ladysybil too....

You have no genuine reason to stop your son seeing his dad...A child has a legal right to a relationship with both parents...You can't say you don't know him..you knew him well enough to lay down with him, you had all pregnancy to work through your issues..

It seems if he didn't want you he cant have contact with HIS son...

Why don't you do contact in a soft play centre then he can spend time with DS ( usually free under ones ) then if he wants to know anything you can be sat elsewhere..

There are so many LP out these who would want a parent to be involved in her child and people who like Iscreamuscream who needs the courts to listen to genuine concerns not more laws bough in to protect people like your sons dad...

Can you imagine not been allowed to see your son having done nothing wrong other than he doesn't want you. Little and often is what is needed in your sons best.

Do you really need a judge to tell your your Ds needs to get to know his Dad.

You would be better off taking your son to Soft Play and sitting away from your ds's dad if you really can't stand him and doing contact. Why not try to sort it out amicably for your son's sake! Do you really want to tell your son in years to come that you didn't do everything in your power to allow him and his dad to have a relationship.

You put the obstacles in and when his father does the same you critise him. Stop looking on line at him, you are stalking him, even if you think you aren't. You talk about him being deluded but you really do need to take a long hard look at yourself too.

He has emailed again today and I have responded. After yesterday I think it is best him and I have very little contact. That way I can't be accused of anything and hopefully it will stop all the rows.

I have told him in future I will email him to give him updates, so he doesn't have to contact me daily anymore. Its too much, and not benefiting DS, just him and getting at me. I have told him I shall contact him in an emergency, which I would have anyway.
I suggested he writes a list of questions about DS, things he wants to ask and I shall answer these in court, rather than email directly everyday.

Perhaps if he is really wanting to be in DS's life he will either stop, or take me up on the contact centre arrangement. I hope he does, because my anxiety is terrible at the minute, which wont be helping DS.

If the judge tells me I am wrong, I will accept that. I cant afford legal advise, so I will see what is offered/suggested and then see what happens. I have never been to court or known anyone that has, so its a completely new experience, and I know nothing of family law.

I don't think I am deluded, I think perhaps I am very unknowing and just acting out of doubt and fear.

So him asking about his son via email is "getting at you" but you making him ask the judge questions about his son and not letting him see him is fine.

I truly hope the judge wipes the floor with you and grants him residency. Its your son, not you who should come first.

I too think I'll have to hide this thread.

I said earlier that I made an application to court, it was very much a last resort after failed attempts to get ex to mediation.

Op you have been given advice and told, very matter of factly, how this will pan out yet you are still refusing to engage in anyway with your sons father.

You have told him to make a list of questions to ask you which you want the judge to then ask you, did I read that right? There has been no violence, no threats, no verbal abuse and you expect a family court judge to act as a go between? I'm sorry but you are either living on another planet or you have issues which you really really should address.

I feel sorry for your sons father, he must be longing to see his son.

OP you cant take my word for it- you are absolutely deluded on this issue.

The judge will see exactly what you are doing. You will get their back up for a) wasting court time and b) preventing contact because of jealousy and a desire to control. It is not a good tactic to go into court with the judge pissed off at you. It will not go in your favour.

Many solicitors offer a free first session with no obligation to hire them. You have no excuse not to get some advice on this.

You can take my word for it.

Can I suggest you take the 30 minute free legal advise to talk to a sols as no one here seems to make a difference...You will be told he will get contact and PR ...Abusive parents get contact.

YOUR Anxiety is high, YOU don't want to see or contact him... So despite you wanting commitment from him so he emails every day and you won't tell him how HIS son is...

You need to think about your son not yourself...

I feel very sorry for your son and this man who just wants to get to know his DS.

When will you be back in court? and why does the judge need to answer questions you can answer about your son

just to add when I say abusive parents get contact...I am not including this man in that just pointing out with abuse contact will be given with no issues here you will be seen as simply obstuctive