Ex trying to get out of drugs testing . .

[Popplecake]

My ex and I are in the middle of legal proceedings with regards to child contact. I've asked for a drugs test repeatedly and his solicitor keeps replying "He doesn't do drugs". However, this is absolutely not the case. He is also continually declining drugs tests (because he knows they would be positive and refute all the lies he tells and had been spreading about me).

Can he continually refuse a drugs test? If he does, he will have to go to court for contact - and in this case, wont he look ridiculous for refusing the testing? It's very frustrating - he is determined to keep his "facade" and also wants to continue doing drugs around his children :( Getting to the end of my tether with it all.

If you won't allow contact without a drugs test and he has to go to court then contact is unlikely to progress without him doing the test.

I know it's hard but don't let him get to you like this. Your posts are filled with more and more anxiety every time you post. Concentrate on you and your daughter. The court process will ensure he does what he needs to do.

OK, that's good to know, thank you. It's just getting so long and drawn out. I just want to move on with my life and it's frustrating seeing how he seems able to do what he likes and always come up looking like the "good guy". Just wish he would admit he is in the wrong like a decent person would. And also see how it's not adult or appropriate to be on drugs around children. I don't think I will ever understand his behaviour.

No, probably not and it's not worth trying to.

Court is a very long and drawn out process. Everything takes a long time unless you come to an agreement with him and get a consent order which doesn't seem likely.

Move on with your life anyway. Get on with looking after you and your DC and ignore him until you have to reply.

If you won't agree to contact without a drugs test the court will decide if one is necessary or not. A court can make orders without your consent but they tend not to - and besides they err on the side of caution when it comes to safety issues.

That said you nor your solicitor can't make him take a drugs test. And besides if he DID agree (and then take one) without a court ordering there is the real possibility it won't be admissable because it wasn't ordered.

If I were advising your ex (and I have dealt with a few parents who have had accusations of drug and/or alcohol abuse) I have advised them to a) stop taking drugs/alcohol b) to address the issue of their substance abuse c) to agree to testing in court and d) to give an undertaking not to drink/take drugs.

Bear in mind that testing companies need to be authorised by the court. The one I am most familar with is Trimega.

The court will order a drugs test if it feels it is appropriate. Don't set too much store by this though. The father in our case was ordered to take a test within fourteen days but once away from the court refused to do so stating that a minor incident which offended him made him feel he should not have to do so. He also shaved his head but samples can be taken from other areas.

It went back to court but following a lack of judicial continuity, he did not take the test for eight months after the original order, when surprise, surprise, it came back negative. The Judge had a go at me stating he did not take drugs or drink to excess. He was convicted of drunk driving whilst the case was ongoing.