Should maintenance change if your DS turns out to have special needs?

[PostBellumBugsy]

Basic question: Should my considerably better paid ex-H contribute to DS's special education above and beyond maintenance.
Background:
ex-H left me & two DCs 9 years ago when they were 1 & 3.5). Divorce was granted 7 years ago, after court battle to get him to cough up. In the intervening years, DS has been diagnosed with ASD & then multiple cognitive impairments, which mean he has learning difficulties.

I have moved heaven & earth (literally in that I moved house to a cheaper area) to free up some money to send DS to a school that specialises in teaching boys with learning difficulties & ASD. I also work full-time & am very frugal - just so you don't think I am a money grabbing witch!
I think ex-H should contribute to this, but he refuses. Do I have a hope in hell of getting him to contribute, or do I just accept that if I want DS to go to a special school, I have to make all the sacrifices?

Could you not get any help off the local authority? I think education is a grey area because if it can be priovided via the LA via a Statement of SEN then your ex husband could argue that, I suppose? whereas you have made a choice to pay for a private school to meet his needs. i do understand that you often left with no choice in the matter though, I am not judging you at all for choices.

However, i think as your son has additional you may be able to get increased maintenance to meet the extra costs that entails (though i suppose schooling could be stated in this also)

Basically, no all he has to pay is the 20% of his net salary.

As the laws stand, no

Morally, perhaps

But then, I think I should get more maintenance now my dc are in teens. They wear adult sized clothes and eat like horses. They need 'stuff' for school and are generally more expensive. Not gonna happen though

Does the law stand at that if you go through the family courts though,? could you not argue your child needs additional this and that beyond what their DLA allowance pays for, etc?

and what happens if you are a carer? are their no laws to protect you?

A solicitor can advise about your particular circumstances. It's possible to claim costs for school fees and expenses associated with a child's disability through the courts. The considerations would be the needs of the child, the financial resources of both parents, any resources of the child and "the manner in which the child was being, or was expected to be, educated or trained."

Thank you all for your replies.

DS is not registered disabled. He has a high IQ and does very well with maths & science. He is dyspraxic and has coordination problems and he is 2 years behind with reading & writing, but that is not enough for him to be statemented - believe me, I have really, really tried.

The biggest problems are around his autistic difficulties, but because he is not violent or abusive, again he does not qualify for help.

I'm just reading STIDW's final paragraph & find it really grates, as ex-H is perfectly happy to pay for his son by his 2nd marriage to go to private school - even though there are no extenuating circumstances - but won't contribute in any way to DS's school. He also has a considerable income & I'm not convinced the DCs are even getting 20%. Sigh.

STIDW is correct - either children act or Matrimonial Causes Act give you a route to child maintenance for a disabled child over and above CSA.

Does DS get DLA? Even a middle rate care award would be regarded by a court as an acknowledgement of your DSs special needs, and may improve your chances of success.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply
I never thought that we could be eligible for DLA. DS doesn't have any physical disability & although his autistic qualities make him really exhausting sometimes, I can't see how that would qualify us for DLA. I have full reports on his diagnosis of ASD & also of all of his cognitive impairments and learning difficulties. I just don't know if it would be enough to pursuade a judge that his father should contribute to his education.

I believe that your son would qualify for DLA, ASD is recognised by them as a disability, call them and ask for a form and fill it out using the cerebra guide.
Are there no special needs schools locally for him, my ds (ASD) goes to one and his class is specifically for ASD, he is thriving there with the excellent knowledge the teachers and TA's have of ASD.

DLA. Eligibility criteria is that the child needs care over and above that of a child of the same age. Very simple, as catherinea says the Cerebra guide is excellent regarding ASD. The DLA would go someway towards schooling, as it is at the parents discretion how it is spent.

"He also has a considerable income & I'm not convinced the DCs are even getting 20%"

Under CSA rules when the non resident parent pays child support to more than one parent with care the CSA calculate the rate for the number of children and apportion the amount to the two families. So if you have two children with your ex husband and he also has children from a previous relationship the rate would be 25% for 3 or more children which is then shared between the two families.

Hello , just read your post . You must apply for DLA its your & your sons right from what I have read . My son has ASD diagnosed at 2 1/2 he is in manstream school with full-time 1-1 support . We get middle rate care & low rate mobility for him . I'm a single mum of 2 . My ex lives abroad & rarely sees the children . You have done a fabulous job sending your son to a specia school , DLA is non means tested get as many reports from specialists to support your application . There will be a carer support service available in your county . We are in warwickshire and carer support helped me fill in the form . You can also request social services assess your families needs . I get 4 hours support for my son every month . Just means I can take my daughter out & gives us a break . Yes try cerebra too , and the National Autistic society have a telephone helpline .
Good luck

Here's the cerebra guide to DLA for brain related conditions which ASD and Dyspraxia both are