Question about maintenance money to his ex wife

[DizzyDummy]

My DP pays ALOT of maintenance money each month to his ex wife for his DS but she spends most of it on herself and bugger all on his DS, there are things he is going without that we end up paying for. He spends half of his time at ours. Is there any way he can make her spend more of the money on his DS or is it tough luck?

He cannot control how she spends the maintenance money. He may, however, be able to get the amount reduced. If the money is not paid through the CSA he can refer the case to them. They will want 15% of his pay after tax, NI and pension contributions but this will be reduced significantly if you can show that his son is spending half his time with you. If he is already paying through the CSA he should make sure that this reduction is in place.

Natashabee The agreement was made between themselves, the maintenance agreement was for his DS not maintenance for his ex. DP doesn't have any problems with paying maintenance, which is more than enough to cover the cost of housing, food, clothes etc, but it is galling that we have to work so hard to give her the money then she won't give DS money for the odd extra curricular activity that he wants to do.

Go through the CSA and pay the recommended amount - make sure you have it calculated properly as you're having him half the time. This amount you have no control over - it is to put a roof over his head and feed him.

Extras - extra-curricular is NOT to be factored into CSA - you might have a private opinion about that (that's fine, but it is just opinion) - you need to either pay for extra curricular if YOU want him to do it or have a very polite discussion about it if you would like her to contribute. Far better to accept you're paying for one thing on you own.

Extra curricular is included. The CSA payment is the maximum anyone can be forced to pay without a court order saying otherwise. Extra payments from an NRP (non resident parent) are voluntary and a PWC (parent with care) cannot force them to pay anymore.

The CSA have a website where you can calculate payments. If your DP is paying over the odds, reduce the payments to the exW, and ensure that DS gets the additional money by paying directly for extra activities, toys books etc.

btw if he spends half his time at your house this can be made official by a court and maintenance should be reduced anyway as you would have joint residency.

How do you know where/how she spends it?

SaraSidle I know where she should spend it and I know where she isn't spending it! Thanks everyone for the advice, just want DSS to be properly clothed, fed and looked after.

Never mind what she "should" be spending child maintenance on. Children of separated families are more likely to be harmed by the conflict between parents than almost anything else, particularly when third parties such as family, friends and new partners take on the disputes of their own. The lack of autonomy between adults is a major factor in high conflict and children need at least one parent to forgo "who is right and who is wrong" and put the interests of the children first.

Your partner must pay the amount assessed through the CSA or included in a consent order and it is up to his ex how the money is spent. Your partner can decide whether or not he wants to contribute more.

STIDW There is no conflict between DP and ex wife so his DS is not being affected at all and I am not getting involved in the dispute either, just wanted some advice on the legalities. DP agreed to pay a very generous amount (which we cannot afford to increase) in the hope that his DS would get everything he needs and a bit of what he wants. His DS has not been abandonded by his father, we have him 50% of the time and would gladly have him on a permanent basis. Ex wife doesn't want that though as, and she has admitted this, she wouldn't get the maintenance money then. I am sure if you were in DP's shoes you would frustrated that the child is going without when there is no need, ex wife however makes sure she has her hair done every week, new clothes all the time etc etc. I suspect we will just have to 'suck it up', legally we cannot do anything, morally however, well that's another story entirely.

The maintenance will be significantly reduced (or reduced to zero) if you have him for 50% of the time so there is something you can do about it. That's perfectly reasonable. Then your DP can spend the money on his DS himself to make sure he has everything he needs and some of what he wants.

Thanks Damsel

As in joint residency as I put earlier but you seemed to have missed.