What help do larger families use to make daily life manageable?

[Ossoduro2]

Hi, I have four children and a professional job. My husband also has a professional job and both of us travel once or twice a week but we don’t work on the weekends. Kids are 4,9,11 and 13.

we’ve adapted our working life to ensure one of us can drop off and pick up the younger kids from school - they do wrap around care as well. We also have the holidays covered with clubs for the littlest and one or other of us can wfh etc to be around for the older ones.

I’m really struggling with my life. I’m permanently knackered, no time for myself. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for life to become manageable and that day never comes.

I can’t afford to cut down my working hours.

I feel like I need some help but not sure what kind of help. I used to have a cleaner who was great, but she moved away. Should I get another cleaner or do I need something else.

im interested in what kind of help other people have, what do they do and how much does it cost and how much easier does it make things?

We have a cleaner, I wouldn’t be without her.
i also batch cook and that’s the main thing that helps as cooking after school pick up is a pain. I do it every sunday morning while DH and the kids hoover and put the washing on .

Also my kids have chores. Not loads, but a few bits. Mostly they’re expected to do the basics as well - their washing goes in the basket, their stuff gets tidied away at the end of the day - I find a lot of kids now don’t do those things and people are running themselves ragged trying to do it all.

The kids have a set of uniform for every day. It gets washed and dried at the weekend and put in their drawer (they all have a small set of plastic school stuff drawers) as a full outfit - down to vest socks and pants. So literally every morning what they need is right there.

Thanks, my older two are totally self sufficient at getting themselves up, ready and to school and in terms of doing their homework without being helped/ nagged. One hoovers (very badly), one mows the lawn (fairly badly). So in that respect we’re not running around after older children etc and we are training them to do chores.

I do a bit of batch cooking, but perhaps I should do more. My concerns around a cleaner is whether I would spend more time tidying for the cleaner and that would add an extra stress!

Cleaner - no brainer and shocked you even asked

Setting up systems that support my life have helped me.

I bulk buy the food/cleaning products we use regularly so I never run out.

Kida each have a storage drawer in the hall that shoes/hats/daily planners go in. They’re supposed to put them in there themselves, but at least it is easy for me to sling them in when I can’t be bothered to enforce it with the kids.

I batch cook a few things, so there is almost always bolognaise etc as a dinner option.

Each child has a laundry basket. If it’s in the basket I will wash and return it, but if it’s in the floor then it isn’t mine to deal with.

Older kids have spare set of bedding in their wardrobes. They change their own bedding when they see fit. I will wash and return the dirty bedding if it is in their wash baskets.

EVERYTHING that is planned is in the shared family calendar, along with who is doing it. Every school run has a parents initial next to it, every club drop off has an initial next to it, every pick up, every everything. This enables us to plan work things in advance without endlessly checking with the other parent because we can see what we’re each committed to.

Online shopping and Amazon. Endless parcels and terrible for the environment, but a sanity saver.

A shared grocery list that both parents and the bigger kids can add things to.

Bedding sets live in correct bedrooms as complete sheet/cover/pillow cases sets, along with a spare waterproof sheet. This makes it easy to remake the bed as soon as it is stripped - no more heading to bed to find it is unmade!

One parent takes responsibility for reading all the school emails/calendars/apps etc and paying/booking/saving in the calendar. This used to be more fluid, but then emails got read, not actioned, and things fell through the gaps. I do it now, and so I make it happen. Doesn’t mean I have to attend every kids party etc, but l respond to the invite, it in the calendar and assign a parent to go along (noted in the calendar).

We each deal with our own adult responsibilities. Car insurance, doctors appointments, screen wash, fuel, presents, toiletries/clothes buying etc.

There are probably more, but there’s a starter!

Could you afford a housekeeper? A Mrs Doubtfire!

I only have 3 but work away from home 3 nights a week and my husband has a full on job as well.

Honestly? I throw money at everything I can to make life easier. We have a live nanny who picks the kids up from school and is in charge of making packed lunches, prepping uniforms, school bags etc. A cleaner who also changes all the bed linen each week. Things that need ironing go out to a laundry service each week. A gardener who also washes the cars.
i do a big food shop every weekend and bulk buy cleaning stuff and toiletries on Amazon every couple of weeks. We have a shared family calendar (iPhone) that details where everyone is meant to be at each moment. And every Sunday night, DH and I run through the schedule for the week and align on who is doing what.

Cleaner. Babysitter. Nanny. Aupair. Whatever works for you.

Everyone needs to be involved in tidying for the cleaner. If everyone does 10 mins, that should be enough. Another option is what I used to do and tell the cleaner, no tidying, just clean whatever surface you can see! Not as good but you’re not having to tidy. I did that when I lived along but now it’s 10 mins between 3 of us and all good!

If you can afford a cleaner I would look more carefully at whether reducing hours (even by one day a fortnight) to give yourself some time would help? I dropped a day a week and due to tax/pension and reduced childcare costs (including school wraparound) it meant we were only down by a few hundred a month and that has been more than worth it for the work life balance.

other things:

1. short commutes and school runs help everyone
2. meal plan and big shop at the beginning of the month
3. I go to a ladies only exercise class every Monday night, I’m still unfit but I get some time away from family and exercise does actually make you feel less tired in the long run.

realistically working full time with any number of kids is exhausting.

Get the kids to tidy and teach them to do laundry. Forget the hoovering and lawn mowing.

Get a cleaner.

I would look at a housekeeper, someone who comes in for a few hours once ye leave.
They tidy, make beds, cook a dinner and do one load of laundry..
This job would suit someone who had a child in play school , Hours 9-11.30.

Cleaner for sure if you can afford , twice a week. Again if you can afford I’d be tempted to see Id you could get someone to batch cook for you homemade nutritious meals once a week, game changer

I'd throw money at all the help you can get . Do you get time to spend with the children at all ! I had 4 but only worked p/t and that was sometimes a struggle .

Same as you but 3 DC instead of 4, and they are younger (8, 4, and 3).

While throwing money at things will help (I would kill to be able to afford a cleaner!), I’ve actually found that stepping back and saying ‘no’ to a huge amount of things has helped me the most. I have a very small number of people that I spend time with, mostly family, and say no to everything else. I also greatly reduced the number of extracurriculars that my DC do, and 90% of them are done within school hours, organised by the school. I don’t go out in the evenings, and prefer to spend my time at home, with my DC or in our gym once they’ve gone down to bed.

I also hugely prioritise my health and fitness, and had my DH build us a home gym in our basement. It’s not big or impressive, but it has everything I need and I spend at least 45mins-1 hour there every night, music loud, and just enjoying myself. He also set up a TV so I can watch my shows. I eat well, get grocery delivery and do a Sunday meal prep. I feel a million times better when I eat well.

Weekends are built around Saturday morning sport, Sunday morning church, and the rest is pottering about, getting laundry and a bit of cleaning done, having a nap with the toddler, reading a book if the kids are playing well. I stopped forcing myself to be pressured to have big family days out, or ‘make memories’ by running myself ragged. We are all so much happier for it.

Controversial but we also stopped doing holidays abroad and now we go camping. We’re just starting with cabins, but will move onto full tent camping soon. It has taken so much pressure off holidays, and I actually really enjoy them now.

Also, if you’re constantly knackered then get your iron levels checked. Mine were low, and I don’t respond well to iron tablets, so eating red meat most days (a small amount, 100g or so) has really improved my health.