How to get over the guilt of Possibily formula feeding third baby from the start?

[Elisabeth3468]

I just want to preface this by saying I am no way anti formula feeding or believe that anyone should ever feel guilty for the way they feed their baby- this is more about me personally and my experience.
We have two children aged 4 years old and one 20 months. I have recently just stopped breast feeding my younger one and fed my eldest till 2 and a half.
we are due a third child when my youngest will be 26 months. I am really on the fence about breast feeding again. I didn't really encounter any issues but found the whole process very intense for the first 6 months especially and also very draining and none of the feeds could be shared. None of my babies would take a bottle but luckily they did take a cup from 6 months. My first co slept and breast fed and i just didn't like it at times. My second much better sleeper and went in her cot from day 1 despite being breast fed. She slept through from
young too.
My worry is the time spent breast feeding when I have 2 others to give my attention to, but I can't seem to let go of the guilt because I know breast feeding is better (nutritionally) plus the fact I fed my other two.

I just want to hear experiences if any third time mums were the same and if formula feeding made your life easier or harder?
obviously I worry about the immunity thing with formula feeding too and the baby will have plenty of bugs brought back from school and socialising etc from older children.
Then I have also considered combo feeding or expressing and giving half bottles half breast feeding? There's one thing for sure that the baby will be learning to use a bottle from the start.

I have three, although all older now they were all within 4years. I from day one with number three did combination of breast and bottle. I personally found it much less stressful if other two needed to be out and about, as I never found feeding easy unless relaxed and at home. They are all teens, they are all healthy, and I can't remember the youngest getting any more bugs than the others, nobody would know looking at them how any were fed. No guilt needed at and congratulations on number 3!

I have three almost same ages as you! I’ve always only breastfed though. I’d maybe relax and see what kind of baby you have before making any decisions! My third is a super quick feeder so it doesn’t really impact the day too much if I do sit down with her it’s a couple of minutes at a time. I’ve also nailed walking around feeding her if I need to get things done at the same time 🤣

I do co sleep and didn’t even really try otherwise, however I’m finding sleep so much better this time around. Maybe it’s because I have boundaries around the feeding, after a quick feed I pull my top back down and rub her tummy to sleep so she isn’t able to keep snacking or falling asleep on it if you see what I mean. She’s still a newborn but is only waking for 3 very short feeds a night which is easily manageable. And I can get back to sleep so quickly rather than going downstairs to make up bottles. It’s actually my two year old that’s the worse sleeper so far 😅

Fingers crossed for you that you have an easy third baby! ❤️

I’d consider combi feeding but I wouldn’t plan to give formula only from the beginning because it’s so different on their gut and for their health. I’d wait until a few weeks and then if needed introduce some formula and bottles. Make sure the first thing that’s hits their tummy is breastmilk . Especially as you know what you’re doing! :)

currently breastfeeding our 3rd child. You have to do whatever is best for you at the end of the day; for me breastfeeding has been a life saver with dc3 because so much easier when running around after my other two to just have what baby needs on hand. Obviously after establishing feeding in the first few weeks! dc3 sleeps a lot in their sling/baby carrier out and about too!

This. Whatever works for you. I think it’s very much a case of doing what suits you and your baby and ignoring anyone else.

Like @2manyEnergyDrinks for me, breastfeeding was actually the more convenient option. My children would probably have starved if I’d had to be organised enough to sort out a sterilised bottle and formula them!

I found formula a lot easier and more convenient, but everyone is different. I can’t tell who has or hasn’t been formula fed and it’s not something that comes up ever after they are babies in my experience! No need to feel guilty either way, just do whatever works for your family.

Thank you all for your replies. I have always found breast feeding very convenient with my two and I'm not very good at being organised so breast feeding has suited me. I'm more worried about doing school runs etc and being to places on time with having a cluster feeding newborn. My first was attached constantly for 8 weeks and my second was a lot different and fed less but newborn days were intense. Bottle fed babies seem
to be more on a schedule ?
I think maybe I will wait and see and do what feels naturally. I have been extremely lucky with a very good milk supply both times so feel even more guilty re formula feeding. I just hear people telling me formula is much easier.
I think with the baby being very unplanned too i feel the guilt with my current two children that they'll get less attention . Maybe I just need to stop being pathetic and feeling guilty over everything 🙈

Combi feeding sounds like a good solution? I have a friend who did bottles in the day and breast at night after the first few weeks establishing supply. But don’t leave it too late, I wanted to combi feed my second but didn’t get round to trying formula until a month in and she refused it.

My second also never really cluster fed so that’s not always a given. I had loads of milk and she would fill up in five minutes and sleep for two hours in her cot or pram. See what your baby is like first.

BF is harder for the first couple of weeks and then it becomes a lot easier. You don’t need to prepare, carry about or buy milk. Or get out of bed to feed! And tbh with all the recent formula factory scandals I’d rather not be reliant on it.

Breastfeeding is definitely more convenient, but I found with the third I wasn't precious about mixed feeding! I breastfed when that was convenient and used formula when that was convenient. My supply was fine, we just stopped breastfeeding sooner than with either of the others. I think I probably introduced a bottle at around 4/5 weeks, whenever I started doing the school run again.

The one reason I wanted to breastfeed is because I was absolutely not making bottles in the night!

i also think baby’s personality affects those things more than how they’re fed. Personally believe it’s a myth or at least exaggerated
that formula fed baby’s sleep better etc etc
some baby’s are more Velcro baby’s than others, some are happy to be put down in a cot and some are not, think it’s down to the baby rather than the feeding method.

Hi congratulations. Im currently pregnant with our third and in a similar dilemma. My first is older and breastfeeding didn’t really work out. Ended up pumping exclusively for him until he was 6 months which I know I definitely wouldn’t manage. He had formula from 6 months onwards. My second exclusively breastfed and never took a bottle or even milk from a cup. This time round I am hoping to combo feed. Going to start off breastfeeding then introduce a bottle around 3-4 weeks so hopefully they will take it. Anyway good luck but honestly can’t tell a difference between my two, in fact it is my youngest who has eczema and seems ill more often.

Could you start off BF for a month and then introduce a bottle of formula (got your partner to do jt). Then try and do a mix. So much is baby’s temperament, not to do with feeding, you might get a Velcro baby even if you never breastfeed s

This is so true. There’s no evidence that formula fed babies wake less.

I only have 2 kids but combi fed both of them from the very beginning. It made the breastfeeding feel much more manageable to me personally, felt less trapped by it.

I will say though that prepping bottles etc to take out with you might be more hassle than breastfeeding in the car after school drop off etc.

Both of mine started refusing breast and preferring bottle between 3-4 months, which suited me fine so we transitioned to only bottles over a couple of weeks.

If you tend to have a good milk supply, I’d try starting dc3 with a bottle with expressed milk very early to avoid them not taking a bottle. I did this with dc2 and they were much better than dc1 with bottles. I have a sneaking suspicion that midwives suggest not doing so because some newborns are very sleepy and people with lower milk supply or who are struggling in some way are less likely to bf if they introduce a bottle early.

I had 3 and my third was exclusively bf and never had a bottle ever. For context I struggled bf the other 2 and found it very hard work. But by baby 3 I guess I was well practiced at the “womanly art of breastfeeding” and DD was an excellent feeder from day 1. I would see how it goes personally.

I've got 2 so can't comment on 3 but DC 1 had to be combifed for 1st 6 months, it was not easy for me. Formula fed babies still need feeding on demand, a lot of bottle admin took place and I never felt it was convenient even with being able to share a feed. With DC2 it took us 8 weeks or so to get to EBF and I'm so glad, it is more convenient by far. DC1 wasn't a great sleeper and formula didn't make anything better in that regard.
Also, their guts are 'leaky' for 6 months, so what enters their tummies leaks into their bloodstreams, that's how the antibodies in breast milk do their magic. It serves as the babies immune system passively while they don't have one. I really can't judge formula feeding because DC1 was a serious guzzler of it but I did feel good at the time knowing I was getting as much breast milk into them as I could at the start (not a lot in my case and formula needed). If you've got the milk supply I'd start with that.

If you could start by breastfeeding to establish your supply and make a decision. Not to try and guilt you but breastfeeding is probably one of the most important things you can do for a babies health. Maybe consider combifeeding if that feels like a better solution but I do think trying to give atleave some breast milk would be ideal

I've only breastfed so won't comment on that but having my third was probably the tipping point between making decisions based on only 'best for the baby' into 'best for the family' because the adults are part of the family and the babies need the adults more than they need anything else! Honestly formula feeding has always looked deeply inconvenient from the outside but if that's what you need to do to keep all the plates spinning and be able to enjoy your baby that's ok. The toddler+ baby combination is hard going but you've done it before 😉 good luck!