Wanting a fourth baby but already overwhelmed.

[user1473809319]

Hi there. I'm a mom of 3 boys. 10, 7 and baby just turned 2. I always planned 3 and the 3rd has been the biggest blessing time wise in my life. However I'm very overwhelmed a lot of days because my oldest can be a challenge. So much that it affects me quite a bit. :( But at the same time, I can't stop thinking of wanting another baby. The baby stage is the best, but the hubby is worried it would send me over the edge. I'm not young anymore (40) so this decision has to be made soon.

Could you give me advice and tell me how it was for you going from 3 to 4? Am I crazy?? :)

Although I do not have 3 or 4 kids I do know about being overwhelmed. Id listen to your DH. Enjoy the kids you already have. I'd be concerned if anything happened to me trying for a forth or during pregnancy or birth at age 40.

Talk it through with DH. If you both feel comfortable then go for it. If hes worried i'd listen to his anxieties

Hi I had ds4 9 weeks ago. I love him to bits. But he is my most difficult baby. He hardly sleeps at all due to reflux. So going from 3-4 has been a struggle for us. I don't get out of the house on time each morning. I'm always running late.

If you are already feeling overwhelmed I would think very hard before making a decision.

I wouldn't go for a 4th, but then I've been suffering with depression since my 3rd (3 years ago).

With your eldest is it the usual "tween" stuff or something more, eg SN?

If you're struggling it doesn't seem a good plan to have another.

I personally don't think it would be fair on the children you already have to have a 4th baby when you are already struggling with your eldest

Is it fair on your existing kids? Not just now, but in years to come? I am from a large family & I wish there had been more parental attention and resources to go around...

I wouldn't either. I have similar ages to you and while my fourth baby is general an easy baby, it is far more exhausting than I expected after finding the transition from 2-3 a breeze.

I think maybe you want a baby because of the difficulties with your oldest.

Babies are easy in the sense that they don't argue, they need you and want you.

The only trouble with that is that they too will grow up, they also might be difficult or demanding.

I think you should carefully and honestly to yourself want another child. Not another baby?
If your next child had to arrive when it was 5 would you still want another.?

You sound like you might be trying to escape a little. What's going on? Normal 10 year old stuff or something more? It sounds like it's affecting you. New babies are lovely but growing up doesn't have to be a struggle.
One thing I noticed when my eldest started growing up is that he still needed me but couldn't express it. Sometimes a reconnecting hug and doing something one on one can be a lifeline.
Listen to your husband in this one. Focus on your boys

You want a new baby, not a child. Unfortunately they don't stay babies long. Concentrate on the growing children you already have !

I think the part in your post where you say 'the baby bit is the best' is worrying. It sounds as though your reason for wanting another is to have another 'baby'. Enjoying/missing the new baby stage is really not the best reason to add to your family, especially as you feel overwhelmed. You must only do it because you also want another 2, 5 or 10yr old; another person. Because otherwise, as soon as this one is past that stage your longing will return.

I have 4 but I hated the baby stage with all of mine. To me it was a necessary pain to get what I wanted which was another child in our family. I definitely found going from 3-4 harder than I found 2-3.