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Larger families

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Original poster

What made you have a large family?

23 replies

vodkanchocolate · 19/05/2015 14:56

Out of curiosity really I have 5 children and seems to be a daily occurance that I get comments in life regarding been a large family,parenting sites it seems yout complain or anything without people questioning why you have a larger family then complain about this and that. Find people are so judgemental towards (not just my family) but families in general. Know there is a lot of bad press about certain families but fed up of people tarring us all with the same brush.

Was never my intention to have 5 only one of my children was actually planned as sad as that sounds. I wouldnt even say im very maternal to be fair dont get excited over babies or anything like that and I cant wait to get my youngest into nursery/school so I can start having a bit of freedom again. Dont get me wrong I love them all to bits and wouldnt change anything.

DD - Was in a relationship for around 5 months when fell pregnant was absolutely deveatated was 21 and still lived with my mum was working but didnt feel ready, he finished with me pretty much after telling him did consider an abortion but couldnt bring myself to.

DS1 - when dd was a few months old I met my husband fell madly in love was on the pill for first year of relationship but put alot of weight on just felt like I needed a break, considered other forms of contraception but we both decided if it happened it would be a good thing we knew we were in a stable relationship. 2 months later found out pregnant whilst on a camping trip :)

DS2 AND DD2 (twins) - Was absolutely gutted tbh We had discussed and both agreed we wernt ready for any more children, was on cerezette. So was really shocked to find out was 9 weeks pregnant and with twins was just iceing on the cake. Hubby was actually really happy so was a bit of tension first few weeks of knowing.

DD3 - Another contraception problem, was due to go for injection but we all had bad bug that week so cancelled, used condoms but obviously failed.

Now got coil and im certain no more children :)

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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imip · 19/05/2015 18:52

I've had 5 dds. All planned. I always wanted 4 but thought it was a bit nuts! Dd1 died after I had a cord prolapse, and I basically just realised I wanted 4 kids and that was it. Apart from our first daughter, who was conceived after infertility, all four ?ere conceived first go. After infertility and losing our dd, I know how lucky I was to go on to have 4 more children.

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 20/05/2015 10:14

Sorry to hear about your dd1 imip.

I know a fair few families with 4-6 children in them so not quite sure why people are shocked to hear I have 5 children.

I am one of 5 (the eldest) and hated been part of a big family for various reasons I never dreamed I would also have 5. Husbands an only child (well has an half sister by his dad, but he wasnt brought up living with her) he always wished for siblings and absolutely loves the chaos that 5 kids bring hes a real natural with them I often say we should swap roles and I go out to work

OP posts:

2boys2girls · 20/05/2015 10:24

I'm one of four and have four , I see it as a normal sized family if i was younger I would go on and have 2 more ! If you have a 2 any after that is no big deal imo, I think its a blessing having a large IF CAN AFFORD IT

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 20/05/2015 18:31

I guess i had an hard child hood so impact my feelings towards having a large family of my own. My younger sister has 4 children and says if she hadnt split from ex she probilly would of had more. Still time her if meets a new guy i guess.

After everyone gets over the surprise i have 5 kids ive had a few people now say i cant leave it on an odd number.

OP posts:

2boys2girls · 20/05/2015 20:56

I'm one of those .... You can't leave it as an odd number :-)

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 22/05/2015 11:47

I was the youngest of two girls. Sister was 6 years older than me, and tbh was a cow. She would never play with me. I was basically a lonely child, and never wanted any child of mine to be lonely growing up.

4 was always my magic number, and I'm sure it stems from growing up and
watching children from bigger families. They always seemed to have so much fun.

Our house was always so quiet, never much laughter, and I was lonely and a bit in need of attention in my formative years.

I used to look on in wonder at the laughter and chaos and wish that I had that kind of family. Now I do, plus lots of arguing!

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 23/05/2015 08:52

I have 3 and pg with #4.

I've always wanted to be a mother, since I was a little girl (I'm a bit 1950s really) so always wanted a big family as I see 'homemaking' as my job - each child is like a promotion to me!!

DH and I are only children so we wanted to create our own extended family for our DC for support as they grow up and after DH and I are no longer here/are old and infirm etc.

my mum is one of 6 and I love hearing my gran's stories about them all growing up. although I admit I have this overly romanticised idea of it all, but I will strive for it non the less!

we had originally planned for 3 but more and more find the odd number issue cropping up, hence having another. if we won the lottery I'd have loads but realisitically this is the last one.

DC1, 2 and 4 are planned - DC3 came as a package deal with DC2!

olbas · 24/05/2015 14:47

It just happened tbh!

Ds1 was planned
Ds2 was planned but he died when he was 7 months.
Ds3 & dd (twins) were concieved 6 years later. This was such a shock as I really didn't want any more after my darling son had died. I had PND afterwards and it was very hard for a while.
Ds4 was concieved 3 years after the twins. The condom split.
Ds5 Dh wanted one more and I said I would think about it for 9mths, he was concieved within that time and was born in February.
Definately without a doubt NO MORE!!

All of them are such a delight though and we wouldn't have it any other way despite sarky comments. We can afford it luckily.

sweetkitty · 24/05/2015 23:42

We both always wanted more than 2, DH said he always wanted four, I said 3.

When DD3 was 3 months old he said oh just one more, took a minute to convince me lol. And it was never about wanting a boy. We fully expected four DDs.

All four planned, DH has had the snip and I'm on Cerazette.

Athenaviolet · 25/05/2015 00:01

I was an only and hated it.

Always thought families of 3/4 seemed more fun and complete.

We are on 3 now.

Dd wants another but only if we can guarantee it's a girl!

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 25/05/2015 00:06

I have had five full-term pregnancies, but my Eldest DD was stillborn. I am one of 4 (surviving) and, I dunno, always assumed we'd have a large-ish family. After our 3rd/4th was born, there still seemed to be a gap; after #4/5, it felt complete. Hard to explain any other way.

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 31/05/2015 11:02

Its been nice reading other peoples experiences, sorry for those of you who have suffered loss. xxx

OP posts:

Slippersmum · 11/06/2015 14:00

Another miserable only child here. Didn't want my children to have the kind of childhood I did. Always wanted a large family, would have loved 6 but we only got to 4 but as my eldest ds girlfriend literally lives here so almost there

Moondancer146 · 13/06/2015 09:17

We've become a large family by accident really. I had 3DC from my marriage and I was happy with that and felt done. When my DH passed away I expected it to just be me and the kids but I met my current DP and he was in a similar situation with 2DC. After a year together we both wanted another baby so we're now a happy family of 8 lol and still debating whether to add to the brood

hawkmcqueen · 13/06/2015 20:58

I grew up as one of two and for that reason had to have more. I disliked growing up with just one older brother one year older than me who I constantly fought with. It was quite miserable. And when my older two were DS and DD 19 months apart who bicker all the time, DD2 solved the problem! They both adore her and love her and she diffuses the one on one rivalry of the older two. Now the burning question is are we brave enough to go for dc4! But that was another thread...

TownMouseAndCheese · 09/07/2015 16:15

Why do people say you can't have an odd number? I don't get it, why do you need an even number of kids?

Indantherene · 09/07/2015 19:01

I was the eldest of 2 and my db was the Golden Child, while I could do nothing right. So from the beginning we said 1 or 3.

Once we'd had 1 I knew I'd expect too much of her as an only, so we went on to have 3. The family didn't feel complete so we had the 4th, and I knew I couldn't cope with any more. But there was always that little voice in the back of my head.

So we had #5. Unfortunately we left it too late and she's like an only. But there won't be any more. All the broodiness went immediately, and I'm too old now.

4kidsandaunicorn · 09/07/2015 22:19

When I was growing up I was always fascinated by big families, I loved the buzz and the fun and chaos. Our house was always a bit quiet and dull by comparison. I did want 6 originally.

Both my parents come from large families, I find the fact that DH does not have several aunts and uncles and loads of cousins rather strange. My side of the family all still meet up and help each other out, I wanted my DCs to have the same thing. I also grew up with several families for 4 or (quite a lot) more, now 4 just seems like a normal/small amount, I found the idea of 2 DCs all a bit too neat and organised.

IsItStupid · 10/07/2015 04:16

TownMouse the dynamics with three are stereotyped as very difficult- two pair off and one left out, one middle child etc etc whether this is truly prevalent I don't know but a lot of families decide to have a fourth so there can be two pairs.

Once you have 5 or more I think saying "make it an even number" is really just a nice excuse to have another! Although I suppose being able to pair your children off may matter for some families with lots of children too.

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 10/07/2015 04:53

I'm one of five, DH is one of seven, it pains me I can't have any more, I have two and have had five mcs, that's it for me. I have to accept that.

TownMouseAndCheese · 10/07/2015 15:03

IsItStupid - Thanks for answering

TownMouseAndCheese · 10/07/2015 15:06

HoundoftheBaskervilles - I have just read your comment. I am sorry for your losses

lemonade30 · 25/07/2015 20:54

another disgruntled only child.
I had two children a boy and a girl with my exH. then my dad went and died suddenly when I was 26, I split with my exH and met my OH and we went on to have another son and daughter.

so now we have four. I always wanted at least three because I felt that I sorely missed out on having siblings, a feeling which has only grown more acute now that I'm the only child of a widowed mother who is in quite poor health. I'm still only young so none of my friends have dead/frail parents.

I don't want my children to be in the same predicament. I always tell them that they are the greatest gift that I could have wished to give to each of the others.

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