How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

So, I've started potty training dd2. She's 2.1yo now, it's about time we tried. I felt sad when I looked at her bag full of nappies, wipes and Bepanthen and thought 'these days are numbered'. She is going through hellish temper tantrums; I find myself missing her as a contented baby, and willing her onto her next stage of development.

I'm grumpy. My period is due next week. We aren't 'trying'. I'm changing my mind too much from one minute to the next.

Fuck, I started a new thread in Parenting asking the same question. Again.

Two friends have just had babies (second babes to both). I want to snuggle the babies myself get a grip, Molotov

Head says stick with 2. House fits us, etc. Heart is pulling to 3. To try for 3. Maybe we should try for a yrar. If I'm not pg after that, there is the answer.

Oh god are you me?

We have messed around with this decision for about a year. Decided definitely not.

Now we're actively trying.

My rationale is that if we don't we'll never stop talking about it and always wonder.

My feelings are spilling over from being inside my head to making me moody and, well - just a grump. I think it is the indecision. HHereis an example of a conversationwith myself lately:

'Oh, a beautiful new baby'
'Csection. The pain of standing up first time. Operating table. Spinal. Hospitals. Getting another section agreed'
'Yeah but you get over that. The girls would have
another sister, or maybe a brother'
'Overhang. And it took you ages to feel like yourself again. You wore maternity clothes for the best part of 6m after. You're trim now; it took months. Do you want to do that again?'
'But I don't feel myself at the moment'
'What if you feel like this after another baby?'
'What if I can't get pg?'
'You'll never know unless you try'
'But if I get pg, we'll have to move. I don't want dd1 to change school. I like it here'
'Soi stick with two'
'Oh, a beautiful new baby ...'

Ad infinitum.

Good luck, Look :)

How old are your two children? Will you ttc for as long as it takes, or is there a limit?

Haha - I know those conversations. They're 7&5. We're 36 & 44 (DCs were from a previous relationship). It would be dhs first.

We're doing it. I've also had 2 sections. Very successful. Would probably have another. Had pnd and couldn't fb for shit, but am convinced this time will be different. Damn you hormones!

Fb? I meant BF - breastfeed!

So, we dtd and were not careful last night. I'm on day 14 of my cycle on Friday; there is a possibility that I could get pg from this (although haven't conceived first go either time before).

I felt weird afterwards; had a bit of a panic. I woke up in a sweat, too. I feel a bit more rational in the light of day but there are just so many conflicting thoughts in my head atm.

Oh I poas today (think af due Friday). Can't help myself. Nothing today though!

Good luck to you look, I hope that you get your + ve pg test

Meanwhile, my friend announced today that his gf is pg and that their baby is due at Christmas. Saw the beautiful little scan pic. Depending on what mood I'm in at any given time I might be jealous.

It's like I want the baby but minus the weight gain, pain/discomfort and recovery Ain't gonna happen!

I love the idea of being pg, having a baby and another person in our family. I'm put off by the repeat cs, recovery, losing weight again and possible implications of cs: overhang, scar tissue, etc.

(I think too much).

For the love of God Molotov! I kind of love you for your indecisiveness over this!!! I just wish for you to let us know whatever you decide because I come on here every few weeks in anticipation of your decision. I think I am stalking you a little bit . Good luck lovely lady. I really do hope you come to a decision that suits you and your family.

Oh, MrsOz, that's so beautiful You're the sort of MNetter who I love to hear from. I post about things and make comments about so many things on other threads where I get no reply. So, it's really good to feel that someone has an interest. I feel very supported here on Larger Families. I think it has the kindest group of MNetters.

My dh is a wonderful man and we've been together since we were both very young. He knows me very well and I do feel for him with my indecisiveness. He was really concerned after my freak-out on Tuesday night, but obviously very confused, too. I'm not normally this bad

I am getting overwhelming feelings to just dtd and at least try to get pg. My 2yo is baby mad; I know dh wants one more. Dd1 (5yo) definitely doesn't want any more siblings but I think that's because she's 5yo and her little sister is known to terrorise her at least once per day.

I've read about third siblings being 'the equaliser' ...

And today, I'm on day 14 of quite a regular 28-30 day cycle ...

I won't leave this thread hanging. I will reply and keep up-to-date. Just bear in mind that I don't get pg quickly!

Aww thanks! Well I hope this means you are ttc officially then! I honestly think you won't feel peace until you've tried. I have been stalking you for about a year and I genuinely believe you know when you are 'done'. I think the thought of struggling ttc and pregnancy/ C-section are so temporary that it wouldn't sway my decision. I think you sound like a lovely mummy for weighing it up and the impact of it on your family for so long. Take care and good luck xxx

We're not being careful either really.

The only thing putting me off another right now is that I'd like to lose a bit more weight first! And DD is only 1. But DS is almost 7...and I'm 32...and oh I want at least three!

Good luck :)

Lovely thread!

I have two - DD is 7 in 10 days (how the actual Jeff did that happen?) and DS is 4.10. I really thought I was done with babies and all that stuff but started feeling really broody again over the last few months. I have a lot I want to fix first though (lose weight, sort the clutter, get fitter etc) but we've agreed to try in a year or so.

I understand the panic too though, sometimes I get this fleeting "holy crap what the hell am I letting myself in for" feeling. It's the birth and sleepless nights that terrify me.

But... I think it's going to happen nonetheless :)

fuzzpig, there is something that really resonates with me when you say: I think it's going to happen nontheless

I think I will regret it if we don't at least try. I overthink, yet am seeing newborns everywhere I go. I can envisage another person in our family. The worry is there, but it isn't making the good broody? feelings go away.

We had unprotected sex on Tuesday; twice more since then but it was using condoms. Although I freaked out on Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt weird dtd twice after and knowing that those times wouldn't make me pg.

I think I know this would be the last time. I think I know we would be done after 3. I think I know I will always wonder about it if we don't try.

I am happy with the two beauties we have. I wouldn't choose to go through fertility investigations/treatment again, so it's either going to happen, or it's not.

Day 15 of my cycle. Probably missed the boat this month. Regardless, a nice, easy conception would be nice this time!

I've got everything crossed for you! :)

I overthink, yet am seeing newborns everywhere I go.

Oh yes, I've lost count of the times recently when I've thought to myself "FFS, is EVERYONE having babies but me?!"

Hi Molotov I've just read your thread top to bottom ans then burst out laughing at your conversation with yourself.

Because I have that same conversation several times a day with my head at the moment

Molotov, we had this indecision for years! after dd1 and ds.

Took 8 years to finally get to the "now or never" point.

Dd2 is 5 now, she is our bonus baby, and I knew for sure I was done after I had her.

My first 2 have always been very close and still are, at 13&15. Having another one hasn't changed that.

I hope you have a nice and easy conception this time.

You need to do whats right for you. Its all very well everyone telling you things on here but if it doesn't fit with you and your family then it wont work for you. Then ofcourse you could end up with (like us) having baby #3 till the 12 weeks scan and youre actually having #3&4.

The internal monologues are totally doing my head in, Eyelet, especially as the indecision is affecting aspects of everyday life ATM. I feel like I'm getting very close to a decision but the snag is that the doubtful/worrying part of my brain holds the keys (often does. I hate that).

Oh goodness, twins could happen. Quite intimidated by that idea! Are you pg with your twins, X. Or if not, how old are they?

Gulp!

Ok haven't read the rest of the thread but here's my direct response to OP
For reference i have 3 ds's aged 8yrs, 6 yrs, 12 months.

How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?

I'm assuming dc1-5yr old will be at school - so for most of the day you will only have the 2 yr old around which will be the same as when you had dc1 and dc2 as a newborn? Personally I found school runs were perfect for getting dc3 to nap.

A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.

I don't know your circumstances with your csec but 1 csec doesn't necessarily mean another. I had a cs due to placenta previa with dc1. Dc2 and dc3 were born vaginally - no re-occurance of pp etc.

Overhang - i have one, who cares?, far more important things to worry about. I would rather take my overhang + dc over no overhang anyday.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Ds1 and ds2 have a great relationship. I worried about the impact of dc3. As it turned out ds1 and 2 still have a great relationship with each other but each one of them also have their own great relationship with ds3.

Some days are challenging.

God yeah they certainly are but the good bits far outweigh the bad. And as they get older the first dc's are great entertsinment for dc3.

Did I mention we would have to move house?

Would you. Ds1 and 2 currently share and we are considering extending into the loft. Not ideal but considerably cheaper than moving.

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. Yep know that feeling, but once we decide to go for it we knew it had been the right decision.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed. I felt like this - several times i tried to sort out the baby stuff to sell/pass on after ds2 but i just couldn't. It just didn't feel right, Now ds3 is here I am quite happy yo pack them away.

Sounds to me as if you have a lovely family as it is.

Oops posted too soon. Blame the wine

My first question at the scan was "There is only one isn't there???"

Ok just caught up with the thread. Ignore the stuff about extending houses / vaginal births as required, but that aside, your posts describe how i felt perfectly. we decided to go for it and if it happened, it happened and if it didn't, it didn't but at least we'd tried. I think i would've forever regretting at least not trying. And it was the best thing we ever did (apart from already having ds1 and ds2 of course :o)