How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

[Kayleighann]

Hi op I have put a similar thread on yesterday. I am in the same boat and am driving myself insane. I have 2 children a boy 9 and girl 6 and have been on and off for a third for over a year now.
I start the day off 100% yes and by the evening I'm 100% No .
I have been so fed up lately that I can't decide. I know I should just leave it a while see how I feel but I feel like I need to decide right now.
I'm 34 and feel like I can't wait to much longer if it's a yes. Plus the age gap is getting bigger. I never wanted it to be such a big age gap but after my 2nd I felt done and never even thought about it. Didn't feel broody didn't take any notice of ppls baby's and even felt sorry for pregnant women thinking rather u than me. (My pregnancys were bad) then my youngest started school and suddenly I felt lost and sad and started thinking about another. I hoped the feeling would pass but I started obsessing about a third and over a year later here I am still driving myself crazy

I worry so much that I would regret it. Our lives are calm, easy ish. Why rock the boat? Everything tells me no don't do it but for some reason I can't shake it off xx

[Lightbulbon]

I've recently had dc3. Was on threads like this previously under other names.

We have big gaps. Older ones are finding a newborn a bit boring tbh. Will have to wait a while so they can interact more. Dc2 is feeling pretty neglected after being the baby for so long.

It's been harder having dc3 as I don't get the chance for 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.

But I'm sure in time things will settle down. Life was getting 2 quiet with 2dcs getting older.

[Kayleighann]

Hi lightbulbon how old are your 3. Do u feel happy that you went for a third?

[Shaffron]

My dc3 is 17 months. Elder two are 9 and 6.

It's been hard at times juggling different ages and needs but I don't regret it for a second.

[Kayleighann]

Hi shaffron. Where u undecided before your third or did u just go for it?
The more and more I hear ppls stories the more I think I should just go for it.
Xx

[ARichVernacular]

I was on this thread under a different name. We discussed it (again) at my instigation, but DH is resolute that he doesn't want a third and tbh there are lots of reasons not to. So I'm trying to persuade my heart to be happy with that decision.

We are incredibly lucky to have two lovely kids already :)

[Kayleighann]

I agree arich, I do feel so lucky to have my 2 but then I look around and most of my friends have 3 + children. At the school gates ppl seem to have more and more children these days,some family's have 5 or more so 3 doesn't seem to be such a big number.
Ppl have said to me that 3 is the hardest one to decide because everything is made for 2 kids and 3 throws everything off balance.

I was talking to a lady yesterday and she was mid 40's and has 3 children all with 5 years between each one. So oldest 15 youngest 5. She said she is to old to have anymore but if she had her time again she would defiantly of had more.
I just don't want to get older and feel like that and be full of regret.

[Lightbulbon]

Yes I had dc3 because even though I knew the early years would be hard that in the long run I want 3+ adult dcs.

The gap is so big that BT the time dc3 starts school the eldest will be away at uni so the 'holidays /cars etc not being designed for 3dcs doesn't really apply to us. It is totally different to families with 3 in 5 ish years which seems to be a typical pattern.

[RNBrie]

I'm late to this thread but I want to join!! We have 2 dc, can't decide about number 3. House is a bit small, we don't have a lot of money, two is quite a challenge but I'd really like another child rather than another baby...

[TheImprobableGirl]

Back again wavering dd2 is 18mo and dd1 has just starter school so we are having the number 3 discussion again.... Sigh

I keep thinking of the downsides such as needing a bigger car to fit in the booster, carseat 1 and babyseat 2... But how much bigger would it really need to be? Certainly it would be too tight in my Clio but would I have to go to a bus?!

And the house.... Well we need a bigger house anyway... And Dh has just been offered manager position at his new job which is good £'s. . . The arguments against have got less and less.

I think I will have to review my posts last year and see what my issues were then!

[QueenMolotov]

Seeing as the thread has been having posts again, my news is that ... we are ttc! This month is our first go and I'm a week into the 2ww.

I have just constantly thought about having another child, despite some reservations, and think I'll regret it in years to come if we don't at least try. I can see my dds with a baby, walking together with a pram. I can visualise our family with another dc and it is nice. My dds will be at least 7 and 4; maybe 8 and 5 if another baby comes. I think I'm happy to try for one year as the age gaps will be too big (for us) over 8 and 5y. I also couldn't have ttc as a prolonged affair again, so it will either happen, or not. We will either have dc3, or I will put the idea to bed knowing it wasn't to be and that we tried.

Best of luck to everyone x

[TheImprobableGirl]

Molotov!! Well done you :)

I have booked to have the implant out, so will no doubt be alongside you very soon :) :)

[zippyswife]

Can't remember if I posted an update on my situation. Anyway. I wavered for some time (dcs 5&3) and now I'm 28 weeks with dc3. I've mainly been very positive and excited about the pregnancy. I've had a few wobbles where I feel guilty that I've somehow made a mistake and I won't be able to be as good a mum when I'm stretched with a third but on the whole I'm excited. Good luck to all those ttc and making the decision. Either way it's not easy!

[CanIKondo]

Yeah Molotov! Well done on making a decision. I was on a thread with you about whether to have a third DC a long time ago, (with a different name I think) and my DC3 is now 2 and is lovely. I had similar sized gaps to you and it's worked out just fine.
Congratulations Zippy!

[shushpenfold]

We had every intention of having just 2 but realised that someone was missing....simply that.

Its not easy with 3 in the beginning and suddenly holidays and cars are more complicated; family rooms are 2 plus 2 and when teenage, 3 rooms looks inevitable. Cars are filled, fast and if you need to take an extra child anywhere, unless you have 7 seats, you;re stuffed. Wouldn't change it for a moment though and for exactly the reason that was mentioned above.....it's loud, chaotic, busy and full. 2 seemed easy, 3 isn't but it's a whole lot more fun. xx

[QueenMolotov]

Congratulations Zippy, and thanks Can Have I really been procrastinating for that long? ... ... Jesus, I have!

We didn't conceive last month (am on CD6 of cycle 2) but will give it another go this month. I kept having doubts yesterday (of the doomy kind) but I have to keep reminding myself that 2nd CS's are common, things will probably be okay, we will move house next year regardless of whether I'm pg or not because 2 growing girls in a 2 bed cottage doesn't work that well anyway.

I just going to push the negative thoughts away because I don't think I'll be at peace unless we try, you know? I'll always see think of that little child who could have been.

[Talkmeoutofthis222]

Oh well done. When I saw this thread had got going again I hoped you'd be ttc or have a bfp!

[TallRedhead]

Searching for inspiration for & against number 3. Are you pregnant yet?

[QueenMolotov]

How funny that this thread has reappeared! I was going to search for it to report that ... I am pregnant!!!

It's still really early days; I'm almost 5w. I found out on Sunday and must admit was quite shocked, mostly because it only took 3m of not trying very hard at all to conceive! But that has given way to feeling very excited - we all are

[TallRedhead]

Yay!!! We have just decided to have number 3 after being adamant we would stop at 2.
Congrats.
How exciting

[AWhistlingWoman]

Congratulations Molotov

I remember following this thread with interest when my DC3 was tiny still! I love having three and I'm sure you will too

[Kayleighann]

Congratulations Molotov that's great news. I'm glad u made ur decision

2 years on and I'm still in limbo! it seems when searching these threads that ppl undecided on a third always end up going for a third. I think once it's in our heads it's hard to get out.

I visited my friend yesterday who has a newborn, it made me want one even more! Only downside was I forgot how much attention they need constantly and as I watched her holding...rocking...feeding....changing... I thought how will I have time for my other 2 children if I have another !

Will I ever decide ?! I'm not sure! I will probably be back on this thread in 5 years time still wondering what if

[roverrange]

I wondered how you are motolov? I name changed loads, but was with you on many threads wondering about no3.

Genuinely hope all is well

[D886]

Hello, it's Molotov here under the name of a 1980s car reg plate (of course!)

Dc3 - our ds - will be 1yo next month. He's gorgeous; his sisters adore him and I can honestly say that he has completed our family. I do not feel like anyone is missing and we are satisfied and realise we are blessed to have 3dcs.

I won't lie - life isn't as easy at the moment. Ds has severe reflux and the house is upside down more than I'd like. I'm dog-tired at the end of each day when my DH isn't around ... but I don't regret a thing. I know that things were easier 6m ago and will be easier again in another 6m; this stage is a phase. I wouldn't be without my daughters and son.

[caroldeckershair]

Oh congratulations! I can’t believe you have a 1yo (I’m roverrange).

I’m so pleased you finally have your little —big— family complete!