How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

I was wondering whether you'd reached a decision motolov! I'm firmly in the no camp after wavering a bit (save scrolling back up, I'm the one with 2 children, 2nd husband -mc around Xmas)

I should have been starting mat leave this week.

We do SO much that would be 'spoiled' by a 3rd child. Our circumstances are different to yours op as my dc go to their dads regularly. This means that DH and I can behave like newly wed child free people.

I was devastated about the mc but everyday I think how lovely life is for us and how difficult a 3rd would be.

So 888, is that your final decision made, or do you think you might change your mind?

I am still swinging between 'just seeing what happens' to a firm 'no'.

The bottom lines for yes are:

• A lovely new baby
• Doing all the baby stuff one last time
• My daughters having another sibling
• A variety in ages, so say 8yo, 5yo, 1yo then in the future 18yo, 15yo, 11yo; 25yo, 22yo, 18yo.
• To watch and support three children grow.

And I could finally have some contraception to sort out my horrible periods

Reasons for 'no'.

• Third pg and risks
• Second CS and risks
• Need to move house
• Dividing my attention when things are sometimes challenging, but mostly easy at the moment.

I am tired of it being on my mind; all the analysis.

Just go for it! The fact that you've spent over a year pondering to me means that maybe you just don't want it enough, though.

So how about you give yourselves a deadline and ttc! That was our original plan, ie if we haven't conceived #3 by x month, then we'll stick at 2. Changed our minds, though!

I think- make a decision and draw a line. Because all this thinking just be driving you mad, and distracting you from life!

Ps sounds to me like you'd really regret it if you didn't try for number 3.

Op i have 3 (currently debating 4) Going from 2 to 3 was easiest transition for me. Dd2 was a lovely chubby easy(ish) baby and I put no pressure on myself to have her sleeping through in her cot or any of the other things i worried about with the first and a bit with the 2nd.
I know lots of people who wish theyd had another baby but left it too late but no one who had another and had regrets.
How old are you op? If i had my time over id have 2 close together then a gap then another 2 close together. Currently my youngest is 6 and a half and i am considering ttc #4. But i am about to turn 39 and worry it wont happen.

I think you're right zippidy, when you say that maybe I don't want it 'enough'. The drive to have dds 1 & 2 was so strong; it isn't for another dc at the moment.

I'm very happy with our 2 dds and I can see us sticking happily with 2, but we would make it work with 3 and I'd be delighted if I discovered I was pg. There's just less predictability with 3 (as in we know what life is like with 2).

I'm on CD9 today so not far from when I'm likely to be fertile.

shoos, I'm 32yo and dds are 6yo and 3yo. If we were going to go for it, it would have to happen within a year as I wouldn't want a huge gap and I'm certain a 3rd would be our last child.

Heyoo op, just wanted to give you advice from the sibling point of view (im expecting first baby so no experience with 2+ kids!) my parents had a close age gap between my brother and I, and we have a close bond. Great memories of family holidays/days out growing up etc. I'm now 25, and i have a much wanted four year old brother (21 years later). Dont worry if you don't fall pregnant straight away, i can imagine you not wanting a 21 age gap (!) but if it does take a couple of years it'll be worth it. If i was in your shoes I'd go for the wait and see approach. Good luck! :)

Ha, I've just posted about whether I should go for dc4. From our point of view our dc has brought such joy to all our family, she is just a wonderful little person. She breaks up the one on one fighting between the first two and has created a lovely dynamic. I would say yes OP go for no3!

I really wanted number 3 when my two were younger. But life, (unplanned preg, then mc, then depression) threw a few spanners in the works.

Now they are older I sometimes feel a pang for #3(DH dead against). I would like to do an amazing job the third time around!!! But in reality I would not have the energy, time or money to do it. I know most people will say money is not an important factor, but i believe it is. Children are SO expensive. All my friends with 3 children talk often about the third child expense from dinner money to extra seats on aeroplanes!

Good luck making your decision. Hope you are very happy whatever you decide.

Just popped in to see if you'd made any decisions molotov.

We finally decided to ttc#3 and 5-6 months in and nothing!! It seems like I have a short luteal phase so gp has refered me to fertility clinic. If I do ever manage to conceive it will almost certainly be aided and a long time coming.

So- be prepared for the process- I was really stressed the first couple of months and fortunately now ice chilled a bit. but be prepared for the ttc emotional roller coaster if you do go for it! Good luck!!

I've 3 dc. Having 3 is lots of fun, bit stressful too.. But that could be their age gap, about 14 months between each. Also only 2 hands :-) my eldest is 6 and a distant relative just had a baby socal I'm seeing are pictures of the adorable bundle....I'm getting pangs for a fourth. Madness for me as I've passed on most of our baby stuff to others and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the nappy filled,spilled bottles, sleepless nights tunnel. Still I'm hearing that little voice in my head go on have another...

So all *

Just wondering if you did indeed come to a decision molotov....I'm intrigued by this post as DH & I are really in a quandary about ttc for number #3. X

I agonised with you here last year Molotov and we decided to go for it. now 20 weeks pg and I am not half as worried as I was when making the decision!!! I know it will be hard work but worth it for a gang of them later!

Hello all, and thanks for enquiring Iwonder.

I've had some health problems recently - some relate to the stress of deciding whether to ttc #3. I've been thinking in circles on a daily basis for over a year and it's doing me no good at all. I think I do want another child but am scared of another birth, recovery and the necessity to move house.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I've been on medication to help control my anxiety. It made me ill though, and I had an infection on top of that. I've had quite a health scare; I'm recovering but realise I'm jealous of every new pg that is announced.

I couldn't ttc whilst on medication and a couple of new pgs were announced by people I know. The thought of not being pg again was upsetting so maybe it's what I want?

Totally agree with lady84 - we agonised for ages. Now 15 weeks with dc3 and the worries are pretty much gone now that it's actually happening. Just try. It may or may not happen but you won't know until you try. When you're well enlighten obviously.

Enough - fat fingers!

I have been following this tread for a while, I too cannot decide if no 3 is the right decision I have DD 8 and DS 7 so would be a big age gap, my concerns are more financial, we have a decent size house but a decent sized mortgage to go with it! We have worked hard to finally afford a family home and I'm worried I with my want of no 3 will jeopardise out current comfortable situation! DH isn't exactly trilled with the idea not really against it either, he would rather wait a year or 2, we are in our early 30s but I'm not up for waiting.. Different worries from yours Molotov... I'm hoping we leave it to chance when I have my cool removed at the end of the year. My pgs were straight forward so to the births. So hard to decide, I know it's what I want have done for so long just don't want to be selfish and the rest of the family suffer

*coil!!

Hi OP. I'm in a similar situation to you. My two DDs are close in age to yours and many of your worries and concerns I can totally associate with. However I am several years older than you and my DH and I agreed it was a now or never type of decision and on that basis the "never" was too sad to contemplate so it became a "now"!! ????

Molotov I'm so so sorry to hear of your health scare and I hope that you are making a good recovery.

I broached the subject last night with my DH about a third (we said we'd discuss around dc2 2nd birthday) and he was initially not against the idea (but not exactly for it either), when we discussed it again later he was arrogant and disgustingly negative. Not out of concern for me given I have had two high risk deliveries but he went on about the cost and the financial impact on the household and the 2 we have as well as the delays in me returning to work. I wasn't upset in front of him but I do resent the fact he has 'made the decision' and won't tolerate any further discussion.

Our oldest starts school in Sept and I think that will relieve some of the financial stress on the household and emotionally remove some of the chaos too. We'll then have just our 2yo at home and I have 2/3 days work a week but DH wants me to go to 4 days a week.

I'm a frequent name changer but have been on this thread previously. Have any of the number 3 waverers made a decision?