How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

I've just looked in my kitchen cupboard and realised that I arrange things in threes. It's the same on the mantlepiece and window shelf.

It's a sign!

Definitely! Do it! Bye I'm on a lovely ttc thread with a random bunch who variously have been a great support and we have variety of issues including some long term ttc bods. Look for brookers, Brooking in the title and you'll find us. Good bunch of chaps if you fancy joining us

Thanks hinky, that's great! I've seen the 'Brooking no argument' threads in my Active Convos list at different times

Thanks again.

And, I do need to talk, in case you hadn't noticed

I felt very alone ttc and struggling last time. I know ttc doesn't automatically make a baby, but I just found it so difficult to talk to anyone (except dh and dm) as friends were just pg left, right and centre. Talking to dh and dm is great but, sometimes it's difficult to reveal innermost thoughts, as they might hurt loved ones, you know?

My friend the brookers are for you. It seems there is always someone about on there who has a good idea of what you are going through. It's a mix of long term ttc ers, some with complications, ivf, first timers, secondary fertility but just generally bloody lovely dudes. Has been good for a vent or too in earlier times

Hi Molotov - I ponder this thread often, because at various times of the day I find myself wondering how the hell I can only stay at two children vs how the hell do I cope with the two I have!

It sounds like you are almost decided, and its good to talk - thats a long term aim of my good MH - keeping talking.

This morning I was adamant that I was going to talk to DH and ask him to book the snip as I was certain after almost 5 years of shitty sleep I wanted to move on with my life and enjoy the two DC we have. Then this evening getting the DC settled and reading stories, then talking to friend on the phone about children I had this whoosh moment of, I really don't want to stop at 2.

Just as well I held off talking to DH!

Are you ok M?

Hiya soot, yeah, I'm okay thanks. It's been a hectic couple of weeks and I am still not 100% decided ... But I don't think I'll ever be 100% decided. I'm so grateful to have our dds that even if we didn't have another child, I'd be accepting. And that doesn't really help! I ached for dds 1&2 and I think I may well have exhausted that part of my being: I would quite like another dc, but I'm not agonising, iykwim. That makes this confusing for me.

I'm due to ov around the 18th Feb: will I be brave and give it a go this month? I don't know.

How are you doing?

... and then I go all gooey at the thought of actually holding a tiny newborn baby of our own again; thinking of names, seeing my dds with that baby and never having to ponder any of this again (because I know 3 would be our group).

How is everything? I've had a bit of earlier input on this thread. Just wondering how you're doing?

Hi 888, DH and I did some talking a couple of weeks ago and he said that he would really like to try for another baby, and has wanted to for a few months. Dd1 revealed that she would love another sister (and might tolerate a brother); although I think this is because there is a bumper crop of new babies and bumps amongst our friends and people we know. Dd2 is baby mad so her vote has always been 'yes'.

I am still trepidatious, mostly about pg/birth, the need to move house, etc. But I realise that dh does want to try and that isn't something he has explicitly admitted before.

So I don't know whether the time has come to just go for it this month and see what happens ... see what happens and if I get pg, let things fall into place.

I feel like I'm always going to be able to talk myself out of it, and I'm not sure if this trying to have this amount of control is right, IYSWIM?

So, leaning towards it, but not 100%.

He also said that he was worried about me regretting not trying when I might feel that it's too late - his timeframe was 2y time.

My dd1 will be 8yo then and dd 2 will be almost 5yo. I'd hate to regret not trying too. I just wish I was certain.

Hi Molotov - just to say I totally get where you are at. I have two DSs (3.5 and 16months) and can't work out whether to go for 3. My DH is easy either way.

I am 38 and already had 2 c-sections, so not low risk but need to decide soonish. It is hard, isn't it?

All things considered, it's been a really weird day and I need to get this one thing out: I was looking at photos on my phone today with dd2 (it's DH's old phone) and there were LOADS of baby and newborn pics of dd2. One that really struck a chord in my heart was one where I'm holding dd2 when she was 4wo - she's all curled up on me and I still look about 5m pg on the photo - but it's just such a beautiful picture. And I look so happy.

That image just hasn't left me today. I'm worried about anothet CS but ... but honestly should we just stop using contraception for a while and see what happens? You get a beautiful baby at the end if it all goes well

(I'm actually considering seeing a medium to get some insight on this. Did you know that?)

You sound like I was before our DC2. I now have DS1 (nearly 6), DD (nearly 4) and DS2 (1 on Saturday!).

I always wanted "definitely 2, maybe 3." In some ways that hasn't changed- everything is wonderful but after 3 back to back births, my back is destroyed, I'm exhausted, there's not enough hours in the day to cook, clean, homework, school runs etc. It is very hard and at the hardest moments I do find myself thinking "this would be so much more pleasant with just 2" (bedtimes, holidays, days out- the constant need for naps is a pain!).

But on the whole, now we are through the hard first year, I look at my little gang and know that 3 is just right for us. The thing that swung it was imagining them all bigger, sitting around the table of a Sunday lunch. How many kids did I see? Three. The Big Two love him so much and that has surprised me. DD was really born to be a big sister.

Oh and don't waste your money on a medium!!

You sound like I was before our DC2. I now have DS1 (nearly 6), DD (nearly 4) and DS2 (1 on Saturday!).

I always wanted "definitely 2, maybe 3." In some ways that hasn't changed- everything is wonderful but after 3 back to back births, my back is destroyed, I'm exhausted, there's not enough hours in the day to cook, clean, homework, school runs etc. It is very hard and at the hardest moments I do find myself thinking "this would be so much more pleasant with just 2" (bedtimes, holidays, days out- the constant need for naps is a pain!).

But on the whole, now we are through the hard first year, I look at my little gang and know that 3 is just right fore us. The thing that swung it was imagining them all bigger, sitting around the table of a Sunday lunch. How many kids did I see? Three. The Big Two love him so much and that has surprised me. DD was really born to be a big sister.

Oh and don't waste your money on a medium!!

*before DC3 that should read. Sleep deprived!!!!

I shall look forward to updating you in a few months :)

It has been hard being pregnant with the 2 of them (same age as yours), I was a lot more sick this time.

My youngest is so excited too.

Hi molotov

Had this moment yesterday when sitting in work and a pg woman was talking in the next bay about seeing the consultant and the wanting another baby hit me so hard I had to go for a walk around outdoors. My two are just starting to play together and we have been on a few days put where haven't taken a buggy and dd2 is about to toilet train so it feels as if we are on the cusp of leaving baby things behind.

But because of various things I don't remember being pg with dd2 and very little of her first year which looking back seems such a huge shame. I don't have any pictures of looking happy that's for sure!

So did you decide on whether to make the jump?

Hi Soot, still not decided and still very conflicted, which I'm finding increasingly depressing as I started this thread one year ago.

I am more inclined to just see what happens, but my feeling is that it is now, or never. The reasons are
1). Age gaps. There's 3y between dds 1&2 and 2 school years (dd2 will be in nursery when dd1 is in Y2). I wouldn't want a much larger gap between dd2 and a dc3. This means conceiving within the next year. There will already be an extra school year difference. Definitely wouldn't want more than 8y between dd1 and dc3.
2). My age. I'd be at least 33yo if we had another and maternal risk factors increase after 35yo - including repeat CS risks, which are a worry to me anyway.

I read a thread on Childbirth which freaked me out a couple of weeks ago (about uterine scarring). I feel like I'm thinking, thinking and over-thinking some more and it's having a very detrimental effect. I'm letting risk statistics of like, 0.6% worry me.

The fact is that dh has said that he would like another child (I think he is satisfied though, to stick at 2, if that's what I decide or transpires if we ttc and don't succeed). I, too, had horrible jealousy pangs when I took dd2 to her new preschool last week and saw a lady with a bump.

After Easter, I'll have 3 hours and few morning a week to myself. Maybe that will do it?

We're also going out and about without the pushchair; dd2 walks lots now as she's almost 3yo. And whilst it's liberating in some ways, I often feel a pull to do it once more.

Hey, I'm really struggling today with the whole baby three thing.

1. yes - I think those are very valid reasons. I am banking (if IF IF I persuade DH) to also have similar gap so that DD2 can have free 15 hours after she will turn 3 just before baby arrives and I will also have had a year with dd1 at school.
2. I think you don;t need to worry, I had my first at 34 and my second at 39 - I will be 39/40 ish by the time No3 arrives.

About moving - well we don't have as much of a push to move but we would have too as well. I am just finishing up a contract and they I will be using ad hoc contracts while we get dd1 settled at school for a few years so we wouldn't have maternity pay etc. Body - well mine is wrecked but I am making a concerted effort to get rid of at least 4 stone between now and Christmas.

Mostly though - mostly I just look at my incredible kids and know that I don't have anyone even half as amazing to be a sibling too (my sister is a nutjob) and I'd like them to have another sibling.

Three is awesome (not sure if I've already commented on this thread?! Have been following it!) my dc3 is 16 months and I won't say it's been easy (all 3 under 5!!) but we wouldn't change our little gang for the world.

When things get tough I sometimes think how much easier life would be if we'd stopped at 2 but our dc3 is worth all the hard work, and we are looking forward to them growing up together!

Hi I just discovered this thread as I'm pondering no:3 too.

My eldest is 9! My youngest is 7mo. I'm 36 so I'd need to get a move on and like you I worry about the risks, while my pg's have been fine I suffered a large hemorrhage during my last labour and that weighs on my mind. Also the 3rd would have a close age gap, I'd be looking at 20 months, I refuse to be pg over the summer again!

Op I know your very split over your decision and half of me says stop over thinking then I wonder if we just know when to stop, ie weighing up the risks etc. Sorry that doesn't help does it! ! I always wanted 2 possibly 3 but after ds1 I was so ill with pnd we said never again hence large gap. Things have been very different this time around. I also worry about my eldest getting less attention but he adores his baby brother. Oh and a girl would be lovely but I long accepted we only make blue ones ?

It tough, a happy accident would make things easier....

Still here. Still debating........

Ha! I'm still here, too; still debating. Although this thread seems to have mysteriously slipped from my 'Active Convos' list, hence why I'm replying so late.

I'm reading all sorts of messages into all sorts of information. The other day, I happened across a friend's FB page where he'd posted 'Thinking too much makes problems appear where there were none'. But then I agree with blossom in that surely, this lingering doubt must exist for a reason.

An 'accident' must be the answer!