Been ttc for #2 since October, which obviously isnt that long but it seems to be really taking it's toll on me. I was told I couldn't have children, and it was used against me in a not nice relationship, so when i became pregnant from that it was a shock as I was younger and busy doing things young people do lol. But naturally met my partner whilst pregnant and not looking for anything and here we are, ready to expand our family.
I think before I'd accepted it'd never happen despite it being weaponised against me and i ultimately didnt care because i was in my early 20s and wanted to focus on career, studies, travelling, partying. But i threw myself into motherhood and it has been hard but rewarding and fun. So we spoke about it and acknowledged we're in a good place, and want to give ourselves time due to the original health issues that made doctors think i couldn't have any children. But this time has been so much harder. It took years for me to conceive my first (yes i was being a bit of a slag but i wasnt really thinking about it), but now we've prepped, taken the supplements and the ovulation tests and the commitment to being healthier and trying it all feels so much more unbearable. we are in our late 20s now, so older but not super old. We also know we don't want to do ivf or anything like that, just our personal decision.
I think i just feel a bit defeated. I know our boundary is no fertility treatments, but Im not sure what my boundaries are and when to stop or how to cope every cycle. We also just don't like the ambiguity i think. If it's just us and our first, then we can move on and be happy because we love our life, but the limbo of trying is getting hard as we can't just move past if that makes sense? Sorry this is a bit of a rant, just wanted to word vomit i think! and see if anyone had any advice or words or anything.