First ICSI - Looks like it's failure

[IPokeBadgers]

Hi all
First time ICSI...am currently 9dp5dt and have started to bleed and cramp, so am assuming this round has failed. Have to go tomorrow to clinic for HCG test anyway. I was a poor responder....high dose Gonal f for 14 days, only got three mature eggs, only one of which made it to blastocyst and transfer.

Currently feeling inconsolable. Am 40 and have never been pregnant at all so feel that the chance of me ever being a mum are pretty non existent.

If there's anyone out there who's been where I am, I'll take any advice/words of wisdom you can offer me.

I’m really sorry that it’s looking like this cycle hasn’t worked I can’t offer any wisdom really, but I didn’t want to leave your post unanswered. When IVF fails it can be so upsetting, but the first cycle is really in part a diagnostic thing so maybe focus on that aspect of it if you can. So even if it hasn’t worked, your clinic should learn quite a lot of useful information for next time (if you decide to go again). Wishing you the very best for your next steps.

Sorry, but each cycle they learn a bit more about what works for you so hopefully next time more eggs and more success x

I’m in the same boat. I’m 42. I just had a first cycle of failed ICSI. I only had 5 eggs of which 4 fertilised and then 2 transferred on day 3 so not even at blastocyst stage. I would say go for your test, nurse told me she’s seen people with a period who turn out to be pregnant so there is still hope. If not, think of your next step. Do you want to do it again? Give yourself a bit of time to process and think. By no means end of the line. Be kind to yourself and know that there are lots of people out there going through the same thing and that are here to support you.

I am so sorry for where you are. I hate to sit and give false hope so just going to send hugs.

Firstly, it depends on how much bleeding, but if it is only a little you could still be pregnant, so the clinic will probably still want you to test.

I am not sure about the higher dose, but when/if you feel up to another cycle the clinic will look at that. I am a little younger than you (35 nearly 36 and 35 on my first cycle), but I remember well the feeling and where you are now.

My first ICSI cycle failed spectacularly. I had high AMH so was on a lower dose of drugs and short cycle. Although I responded well on scans, I ended up with 1 egg and it didn't fertilise. I was heartbroken and inconsolable for days.

I did go for a second cycle this June and they made changes, so a higher dose of medication and a long protocol. Again it looked great on the scans and I ended up with 13 eggs. 5 fertilised and only 1 made it to blast, so I know how it feels when the number are so against you. Luckily for me my one is a tough little cookie and I am now 21 weeks.

The numbers can feel against you, but you can still have a success and the clinic learn each time and can make changes to try and get a better response. However, for now you just have to grieve for the loss you look after yourself until you feel strong enough to decide whether you want to go again.

Hi guys
Thank you so much for your kind responses. The bleeding and cramping got heavier so by this morning it was obviously over. Went for the blood test, cried in front of the nurse, went to work, had phone call to say test was a negative. Which I knew.
Have booked a review appointment for me and husband to see consultant next week so will see what feedback there is.
We can afford to go again but think there needs to be a break to build myself up again. Plus obviously have to wait and see when my period comes back properly as was advised it might not be for a few extra weeks because of the various drugs.

Maybe try lose a wee bit more weight although that is difficult coming into winter when all I want is comfort food and carbs.

I knew this would be a hard process but I wasn't prepared for how devastating it would feel when it didn't work.

It's devastating when it doesn't work. Be kind to yourself 💐

I was the same as you 1st round, we have moved into donor eggs now and I've made my peace with that. Worth looking into. Look after yourself

OP have you tried following some of the advice in “it starts with the egg” aka the bible to mners on this board? People report real improvements in egg quality with the vitamins etc recommended. Some advice for men in there too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next xx

I'm not sure I could make peace with donor eggs...and I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't entertain the idea

I'll take a look at It at with an egg.

Thank you for responding x

With out pushing false hope too I agree that the first round gives them a better idea of how your body responds. My first ICSI round harvested little to no eggs and this helped the clinic decide on what was the best course of action for our next round.
I can understand you being totally distraught... I remember it well. I was like a wailing cat and scared my DH. Your reaction is normal but I'm sending you lots of love and positive thoughts 💕💝

Thank you. I really do appreciate the responses. Makes me feel less alone. Husband has been lovely but he doesn't get it. He doesn't have to go through the indignities, the invasive procedures and the crazy drug induced rollercoaster of emotions . I feel slightly calmer now even though I did have a wobble in the toilets at work earlier. Will take the weekend to mull over this failed cycle and think about what all to ask at the review appointment. If anyone has any "starter for ten" questions that I definitely should have on my list to ask the consultation I'm happy to hear suggestions!

Taking a bit of time to think things over sounds really sensible. I found this Fertility Friends thread a very good place to start after my failed cycle: www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0
It’s a bit old now but I think it covers some really important points.

Fellow poor responder here. 37 years old and currently in the middle of my 4th cycle. All ICSI. Never had a natural pregnancy, had 2 chemicals from IVF. Sorry you're going through this. It's really shit.

I would agree with others about the first cycle being more of an experiment and they refining it more each cycle. IVF is also a numbers game. It is statistically normal to fail. Realistically you should expect some failure before success. That's a horrible thing to hear but it's true and in a way that's brought me comfort. You're not unlucky or doomed because our first cycle has failed - you are completely normal and this is the likely outcome for most people. It doesn't mean it will never work. Have a look at this from Robert Winston:

genesisresearchtrust.com/askrobert-questions-and-answers/shall-i-continue-with-ivf/

The fertility friends learning from your failed cycle was a really good starting point for me and I also read it starts with an egg and made lifestyle changes based on that.

My advice would also be to make sure you've properly investigated your infertility so you know what you're working with and are fully informed. Don't accept unexplained infertility as an answer unless every possible investigation has been done. If they haven't all been done push until they are. And do your research - you're the only person who will advocate for you. Make sure you're well informed about all treatment options and about the protocol you are being prescribed, Don't just take what the clinic tells you as gospel. Don't be afraid to question your clinics treatment plan if you research something and think it might be beneficial for you.

Good luck x