IVF and Work

[Youngatheart00]

For all who have been through, or about to go through IVF (like I am).

What did you tell your workplace? Were they supportive? As in, supportive at the outside, and consistently in words and actions??

I ask as I’ve chosen to be honest about my treatment with my (female) line manager. She knows I had surgery last year and also how long I have been thinking about this. I notified her in writing and asked for flexibility over the coming months. I said whilst I’d seek to minimise the impact on work, there will be some days I’ll need to work from home (the hospital isn’t convenient for either my home or workplace) and May need a couple of days off for retrieval / transfer.

She responded in writing to say she’s fully supportive, although hasn’t acknowledged it with me in person.

However.

I’m already being given a hard time for working from home on the day of a meeting which is a direct clash with a consultant appointment. I fear this is the start of a pattern over the next couple of months.

It’s starting to really stress me out and if it continues I’m so tempted to just get signed off for a period of time while treatment takes place. I would never usually dream of this but I work in a relatively high pressured job (which I don’t love) and I only get one funded cycle.

Anyone else have issues with this or any advice on how I should deal with it.

Thank you

Hi @Youngatheart00

I'm glad your manager said she will support you, however that's not ideal at all you are being given a hard time about working from home on a meeting day. Is it your line manager that's being like this?

For what it's worth, I told 1 person in HR what was going on and work were then fully supportive. I begged her not to tell anyone the reasons for my absences and I don't think she did but she must have said something to stop anyone giving me hassle. Are you able to speak to HR? (They are the ones that deal with absence)

Also...as you say, you get just the one nhs funded cycle so throw everything you have into it. If it means being signed off work, do it. When I said to HR I was having IVF I was told that the last person at work had to have two weeks off work and so I should too! As a result of that I had 2 weeks from EC off work. Unfortunately it didn't work for us and when I informed the HR lady, I said that in future, I wouldn't take that time off as it was pointless! What she did say, which resonated with me and is hopefully good advice for you. "It would have been worse for you if you didn't take the time off, it failed, but then you questioned whether it was down to work." I too have a stressful job. I guess what I'm saying is that this is your 1 NHS shot (although you may get some frosties which are much easier and cheaper) and put everything you can into it. Work is irrelevant for now and it's definitely not worth being stressed over as IVF is emotionally hard enough.

Good Luck OP xxx

Do they have an ivf policy? I was very pleasantly surprised to find mine did, it was in with the maternity policy.

You have to put yourself first, if you've a clash then a shrug and "that won't work as I have a hospital appointment" should be all you need. Stop caring a bit ultimately. If you were on holiday or getting married or hospitalised or bereaved then they'd have to cope. Good luck

As with pp my work have an IVF policy and my rep who deals with Mat Pat stuff was bloody fab a total advocate and absolutely on the side of the employee so work for me were 100% supportive to the extent that when I told one of my male supv it had worked he also got quite emotional. It made what was a fraught time so much easier and possibly even contributed to my sucess as I was relaxed as I could be.
Stand firm on what your needs are and absolutely get signed off if your needs aren't being met you do not need additional stress as IVF is stressful enough.
Good luck x

Thank you all for your helpful replies and support. It’s a big multi national company so I will certainly do some digging and find out if there is an IVF policy.

I’m shortly going to going to be starting IVF and have been trying to figure out how to handle work. Like you the clinic is not near my home or work locations.

I’m just going to very factual “apologies l can’t go to the meeting with X, l have a hospital appointment that day. Do you want to proceed without me or reschedule it?”. Like you it’s our 1 and only cycle from the NHS so l want to give it our best shot. I’m going to take some annual leave says around the key clinic dates but obviously l won’t know with much notice which days they will be. There will have to be some coming in late and leaving early as l don’t have lots of leave left. Us getting funding was quite unforeseen as our CCG is tight and rarely gives anyone anything!!! I don’t want to tell work as it’s a new role (but employer of 4.5 years) and a promotion which lm still very committed to

Here is some info off the ACAS website which is useful: m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5457

I just styled it out at work, but mine is quite flexible and I'm pretty autonomous and brazen about taking time off for things :). I had just moved teams so had to tell my boss for EC that I was having a 'minor procedure' requiring sedation. He just asked if I was ok. I then had to go back to be sedated again for a scratch as it seems everything is at a strange angle down there, so I just said I needed to go again for the 'same thing'. I'm sure he thinks something is up and it's probably lady troubles of some sort but I'm not ready to share any more that that at the moment!