Feeling guilty

[setayharas]

Hi,

Long story short, me and dh were TTC for 5 years before starting our IVF journey a year and a half ago.

I'm currently in DR for our third and final round.
After our failed 2nd round, we both had a huge breakdown and things were tough, we took a long break and started living again, we went on the holidays and went out and drunk the alcohol and honestly, just lived again.
We decided we would have one more shot, then move on.

I feel like, now, I am so scared of the fall out of this not working that I don't even want to try it. On top of that, I have planned things as a fall back so often and talked myself into enjoying that baby free life so much that now I'm scared it will actually work and I won't know how to cope. But then when I think about it not working I feel so guilty.
DH has told me he is really hoping this will work and that he will again be deverstated if it doesn't and I'm not sure I feel the same way and I feel worse for that fact, am I going to think so negativley about is that I'll make this round not work?
Really, I just wondered if anyone else has felt kind of like this or am I just losing my mind?

Thanks

Me and my dh have had 2 failed rounds of ivf. We are currently in the living our lives stage and enjoying the summer before deciding what to do next. I think we will have another go but I have had thoughts of maybe I dont want a baby anymore as our life is fun together and we get to do things we couldn't do with a child. I want to plan big holidays etc and if a baby comes along we won't have the money etc, at least at the moment anyway! I would say speak to your partner, be honest and you may find he partly feels the same. I know I will regret if we don't at least try again to have a child as deep down we would like a family. I know that having a child is just a different adventure. Talking about it is key I reckon