What to say/do to support someone facing infertility?

[TeamEponine]

My lovely DSis and her DH have been TTC for two years now, and are just about to start getting tests done, then hopefully some treatment.

I really want to help support them both. They are a fantastic couple and I am close to both of them. We were all together a couple of weeks ago at a family event and another relative announced that they were expecting. My DSis was very pleased for them and held it together when everyone was there, but afterwards she was clearly upset. We went for a walk and a chat, and I didn't really know what to say and felt awful that I couldn't make her feel better. I guess nothing will make her feel better. I just hugged her and listened.

Anyway, I've just been reading the thread about the awful things people have said to people struggling with infertility, so I was just wondering what people have said or done that was helpful or supportive?

Giving her a hug and listening like you did is the best thing you can do. Try not to say “it will happen” or to give any tips/ advice as however well meaning she’ll have thought of it all already and “have you tried...?”
can make it feel like it’s her fault, something she’s not doing. It’s tempting when someone is upset to try and fix the problem but nobody can fix this. Just sympathise with her. I mostly want people to just say “that is really, really shit I’m sorry to hear that.” You can also say “how can I help?” But be aware there will probably be nothing you can do.

The best thing would be to say you’ll listen whenever she wants to talk about it and to offer to do non-child related fun things with her, depends what she likes, could be theatre, hillwalk, shopping trip etc.

You sound like a lovely supportive sister, she’s lucky to have you.

You sound lovely.

Agree with the poster above, don’t try and fix the situation. Just listen.

When I had an ectopic pregnacy my mother in law emailed me and said that what happened to me was fucking shit; it was the only comment off anyone I told that didn't make me feel angry, hurt or even sadder.

X