Moods after failed ivf

[CountryCob]

Hello, was wondering how people felt after failed ivf? I am naturally upset, was about three weeks ago now, AF has been, feeling very PMS though - really angry and frustrated. Is busy at work and home am lucky enough to have a toddler and am finding it hard not to be moody. Am wondering if all the hormones you need to take are making me feel worse? Is there anyone else feeling the same? I am fustrated, stressed and grumpy and wish I wasn’t. Meeting with fertility clinic in about a month and have a frozen blast so hoping for a natural cycle with that around May, not sure how many more hormones I can take!

The hormones definitely have a knock on effect for quite a while. I started IVF drugs in Nov (failed cycle) and had a mood swingy couple of months and now feel quite listless and depressed, which isn’t like me. It feels like more than just natural sadness about it all, I’m sure my body is still working through the drugs. Not least as my ovaries are still sore, it’s like sunburn in there! My Dr says my body should be back to normal now, but talking to other women on forums, their doctors are saying very different things eg one said body will be normal in about 16-17 weeks after egg collection! How are you feeling physically?

Hello Boiing, I completely agree feels different to natural sadness and very much like pmt for me, my life is quite physically demanding at the moment and have lots of aches and pains so not able to tune in much but my overuse still feel puffy if that makes sense? I started the drugs in December, wish I could get back to how I felt before as its not like me either. Considering the counselling at the clinic but do really suspect it’s hormones. Do you think you will go again with ivf Boiing?

My cycle has just failed and I feel awful emotionally and physically. Have had two years of failed cycles now and it has really destroyed my confidence (the weight gain making it even worse!). I have taken time out of work and just referred myself for counselling and CBT so I’m hoping I start to feel better again soon!

You are definitely not alone don’t worry xxx

CountryCob I won’t do another full IVF, no. My body didn’t really respond to the drugs, collection was a total nightmare (haemorrage), I only ended up with one mature egg (I can grow that on my own 🙄) and although it fertilised, it didn’t grow properly, poor thing was probably fried by the 600 dose of stimms I was on. So looking at how it went, and my age, the odds of each cycle working is now about 5%. Which at £6k a go just makes no sense to me. They’ve offered me a nhs laparoscopy though, because of all the prolonged post-collection pain, so I’ll see what that says - I wonder if there might be endometriosis or scarring in there, if so and it gets sorted who knows a natural conception might still be an option. But assuming not, I’m inclined to either try frozen donor eggs (thus avoiding the hideous stimms phase / my old eggs) look into adoption, or perhaps just move on with life. After 4+ years TTC, 3 surgeries as of next month plus 4 months crazy side effects on Clomid, I’m feeling I have to bring this chapter to an end somehow so I can enjoy the one child I managed to have. But I know it will never stop hurting.

PS recently found out the odds of donor eggs working can be as good as 60% per cycle, so although obvs gutted to write myself out of the genetic equasion, it’s a definite something to ponder for me.

And yes my ovaries are definitely still puffy. Considering paying for a private colour scan just to check them! Weirdly they seem to swell up like crazy around day 21-24 of my cycle. And emotionally I’m flat. Don’t really feel much of anything, or enjoy anything, although I have occasional flares of temper. No more stimms for me!

So sorry to hear that summerloving and good that you are taking time to look after yourself, I had a some time outside in the sun this weekend and think it helped. Boiing I know what you mean especially the flares of temper mine scare me, you have been through a lot, chlomid no picnic either. Feel like I have been doing practice runs for the menopause for large chunks of my 30s, can you take any time for yourself to recover? Xx

Thanks Countrycob. Yeah I have some time off to recover. Then the laparoscopy next month, yuk. Hopefully he won’t find any endometriosis, which is what he’s checking for, I would dearly love to just draw a line after that and say no more surgery. Know what you mean about practice runs for the menopause! I miss my old body... Sometimes I wish we’d never done all the infertility investigations. It seems like the clomid may have caused the polyps and then the hysteroscopy to get rid of the polyps might have flushed period goo outside the womb, and that could have caused endometriosis and the Dr said, if so, then ivf would have made it much worse... Aaaagh! It’s all so much more physically damaging than I was led to believe.