Platitudes

[mrskittenpie]

Hi, after reeling from yet another vicious baby bomb having been ttc for nearly 4 years now, it got me thinking to all the hideous baby bombs over the years and the platitudes I've had to endure. I just wondered what your worst ones have been. This was mine - at the time I'd been ttc for 2 years and my friend decided to ttc and obviously got pregnant immediately. Despite me crying on her shoulder numerous times about my struggles she felt it appropriate to send a picture of her positive pregnancy test with the immortal words - it'll happen soon too for you I'm sure. Obviously her dc is now over 1yr old and yet here I am still waiting and waiting. What has your worst platitude been?

Well, I’m generally not bothered as I know they’re well intentioned but ‘it happens when you’re relaxed’ got on my nerves. Came from a person that I haven’t discussed anything with but savvy enough to have worked it out for herself that we must have been trying for a very long time.

Ah yes, the good old "relax and it'll happen"

One of my friends is still insistent I just need to relax two years down the line. I think it might take more than relaxation to cure my POF

Oh and your friend who sent you the positive test deserves to be shot twice op. Once for tactlessness and once for tackiness

A former colleague told me that I hadn’t conceived naturally because I hadn’t been optimistic or positive enough so my body hadn’t allowed it to happen.

My taxi driver today asked me if I didn't want children in response to me telling him DH and I don't have any (he asked if we had children. I didn't volunteer the information)

I told him that was an extremely personal question to ask a woman and to think about that the next time he's tempted to enquire. He was somewhat taken aback

My sister stressed with FOUR young kids and my dad saying (quite seriously) that she could just give one to us and that would solve everyone's problems...

But consistently the ones that get to me are the babies arriving exactly nine months after the wedding. That has been the case with all our friends, no exaggeration! Don't get me wrong, I'm always happy for them, but the unfairness bugs me.

When I had a chemical: at least you know you can get pregnant.

Nope no I don't know that. Never made it past 4+3. From someone who hadn't struggled.

From my sister after we'd been ttc for about 18 months: it takes loads of people ages. It took her three months...

Those were probably the toughest things actually said to me.

Thank you isthismummy - yes I thought she was particularly insensitive. And that taxi driver! Some people are so rude.

scottish - oh yes the 9 months after the wedding babies. I now dread weddings for exactly that reason. My most recent vicious baby bomb - scan picture thrust in front of my face in front of the whole family - was from newlyweds. The joy. And yes she knew how upset I am about ttc failure but that didn't stop the horrific way it was done.

And the 'just relax and it'll happen' brigade - don't you just love them ? As if I should enjoy myself and relax about something that consumes me hour after hour, getting more and more bitter as no one apparently I know has had issues. That's where I've been going wrong.

My new tactic is to question the platitudes/ advice - I can't be polite about this shit anymore.

"We'll get a dog"

Said by my DP when I was worried sick that our IVF wouldnt work. Could have happily strangled him

I hate the 'oh relax' comments too. I was relaxed the first 18 months and then after I'd been told I have PCOS but low egg reserve, it would take more than relaxing!

Your friend is no friend. Why on earth she would send you a picture of her pregnancy test is beyond me. TTC is hard enough without 'friends' like this. I'd distance myself from people like that.

My GP said that at least I knew I could get pregnant when talking about my previous miscarriages. My husband is infertile, not me. Twat.

And the pain in the stomach every time someone talks about a friend / someone at work / an acquaintance who is unexpectedly pregnant and how they didn't try / an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy.

Fuck sake.

Ugh, there are those that genuinely believe you can 'think' yourself pregnant. I was once told by a heavily pregnant friend that if I wanted it enough it would happen!

Oh God Weedance I've had the think yourself pregnant advice too.

I don't think fertiles can grasp our position tbh. For them shagging equals pregnancy. Usually within the first month despite being on three doses of the pill and wearing five condoms

They have no idea what it's like when your body is broken and just doesn't do what you need it to.

I'm not bitter at all though of course😉

Fucking hell weedance. That’s bloody horrific.

It seems quite bizarre to me mummy that people think having sex leads to pregnancy!

Exactly EarlGreyT surely everyone knows that dedicated shagging equals barrenness forever?