How many IVF attempts did it take for you to become pregnant?

[Poptart27]

I have two friends going through IVF and trying to supportive. Neither are on any forums like this, although I wish they would be.

Friend one has had failed IUI and 1 failed IVF (fresh). She has quite severe endo.

Friend two is had 1 failed IVF (fresh) and 1 failed (frozen) IVF. Her DP has low sperm motility and count.

How long did it take you to become pregnant on IVF? Each cycle is heartbreaking for both friends, I can't even imagine it

It's lovely that you care for your friends and are looking to be supportive. What I'm going to say next is meant nicely.

I think you are perhaps assuming that doing IVF means that a person will eventually get pregnant, and that isn't the case. Be aware that it might never happen for your friends. It's likely that they know this.

So while some of us could say 1st, 2nd, 3rd attempt etc., this may not be helpful or comforting for your friends (it could be, but it's also possible that it won't be).

For me, the best thing was that people were willing to listen to me talk about the procedures, but didn't say things like 'it will happen eventually', 'don't give up hope' etc. But everyone is different and it's best to take the lead from your friends.

(NB second attempt for me, but the first and third attempts didn't work)

My first attempt worked, however the chances aren't in favour of that happening. The post above me says it all

A lot of people say that you need to see IVF as a 3 cycle treatment to optimise your chances. I'm just starting my first cycle and we have agreed that we will do 3 cycles. If we aren't pregnant at the end, then I suspect I might do more, but think my husband will be against this . I wish I had a friend like you!

Hi OP
One frozen cycle for me but that is not the norm. No infertility factors involved in our treatment though - just genetic selection, which I imagine makes a huge difference.

Lucky really as I couldn't have faced any more. It's a tough time and good friends like you make all the difference.

Four failed so far :(

All private as DF have children in their 20's so no NHS go

May never get pregnant and have spent £23k

Each cycle is emotionally mentally physically and financially draining

First reply says it all

May never happen for your friends - hopefully it will for them

I'm currently (cautiously) pg from my 2nd cycle, but it was my first ICSI after they realised during the first one that DH's sperm lack the ability to recognise eggs and so weren't fertilising any, so really it's like my first go. I know we're incredibly lucky to have got this far, and I've promised myself I'll donate some eggs when I'm not pg to help another couple.

First time cycle of ICSI for DD.
DS was first time frozen embryo transfer (only blastocyst frozen from first cycle)

Think my stats are rare though and I know I'm v lucky. We had male factor infertility and I was relatively young which possibly helped

I'm in my first 2ww from ivf. Was told by the consultant that the first is unlikely to work, but would hopefully happen by round 3. Unexplained fertility. Cost us just over £6000 so far. However I've a friend who has had 12 fresh cycles- and nothing, another friend has had one fresh, one fet and has 3 children. I don't think there is anything predictable. It's a wretched thing to have to do, and every time someone has a baby/announces pregnancy you die a little more. I had to change job because I could no longer bare to look after anymore babies.

My sister got pregnant on her 6th round. She has had another 2 failed cycles since then.

My friend got pregnant on both cycle 2 and 3.

Also worth remembering that getting pregnant is not the same as having a live baby to take homeZ

AHedgehog did they diagnose your DP with anything in particular? Only we also had no fertilisation with IVF. ICSI worked for us, but still low fertilisation.

Amummyatlast I don't think they know precisely how it works, but in the Petri dish the eggs weren't surrounded by millions of sperm as you'd expect, there were fewer than 5 around each egg. With ICSI we fertilised 10 out of 11 mature eggs, and got 6 to blast stage where we transferred one and one other was good enough to freeze.

I got pregnant on my second cycle in Jan, but miscarried at 10w. £18,000 down and all I had to show for it was a dead baby

Third round in May was a freeze -all banking cycle so we could do genetic testing. Just started our fourth round, aiming to put back one of our genetically -tested frozen embryos.

Echoing all the previous posters. We are all acutely aware that we may never get pregnant. Or that we may get pregnant but never have a baby. Miscarriage is always devastating, but pregnancy loss after IVF is utterly senseless. We can't just 'try again'.

IVF is utterly brutal. It's a grief that never ends. It's a grief for a life we're terrified we may never have. It's a grief for the lives that could have been. Should have been.

This TED talk is worth a watch - really resonated with me, and expresses just how terrifying and gruelling the IVF experience is

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6BBmMtVfZ4YY_

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I am so sorry for your losses. I understand that IVF has a 25% success rate. I just so hope both of my friends get lucky as they want to be mummy's so so much. If I were brave enough I'd be their surrogate but I don't think I could. In the meantime I just hand hold and hope with them both

I hope they do as well but sadly hoping and wanting to be a mummy doesn't mean they will be - or none of us would be on these boards

banana we have 'spoken' Before. My heart goes out to you. Yes it hard when a cycle fails and heart is shattered again and cry and think how much money we have poured down the drain for nothing and can we cope with doing it again financially - let alone all the emotions

But to have a successful cycle and then have a mc is so unfair :(

💐💐💐💐💐

As you said it's not just like trying again after a natural pregnancy and then a mc

A friend of mine has had 14 rounds of IVF. It took 8 attempts to get DC1 and a further 6 attempts to get DC2. She knows that she was very lucky in that she had considerable financial resources and could afford many rounds of treatment. She is well aware of how fortunate she is to have two DC, but the stress and emotional cost to her & her DH of going through all that was huge.

Missed miscarriage after IVF2 and twin pregnancy with IVF3. Lost twin1 at 9w but my dd held on. She was born when I was 41 after years of trying. Still affects me now and I know how lucky I am. Best of luck to your friends.

Our DD was a miracle first round success 3 years ago. Although as a same sex couple it's probably less of a miracle as neither of us has any diagnosed fertility problems. This year has been hard, after a miscarriage at 10 weeks after IUI and a failed IVF cycle this month. We will try a couple more times for a sibling but we can't justify clearing out our life savings or potentially going into debt.

Thanks AHedgehog

I have a 5 year old DD who is the result of ICSI cycle number 7 and am 36 weeks pregnant with DC2 conceived on ICSI cycle number 14.

I understand that IVF has a 25% success rate.

Sadly it is much lower than that. When I had mine my chances were about 8%.
I got pregnant on the third go and then lost the baby at 13 weeks.

As others have said remember that IVF doesn't always end in pregnancy.
We set ourselves very strict rules of only having 3 goes and we stuck to that. We have made our peace with never being parents.

Agree with pp that ivf doesn't necessarily equal pregnancy and pregnancy doesn't necessarily equal baby.

And your emotions swing dramatically from negative to positive and back again.

My advice to you is to ask how they feel and listen to what they say. Pithy advice and other people's success stories SUCK and don't help at all.

I read that "no empathetic statement starts with 'at least you...' or 'i had a friend who...' ". Rings true for me.

I had two rounds of iui and four rounds of IVF to get a "take home baby". I became pregnant from my first round of IVF but miscarried (utterly devastating). It was a horribly gruelling time.

4 fails here.
We won't be having any more treatment

Third time for me, it is a horrible stressful process and I would have loved a friend to support me through it. All I seemed to be surrounded by was people thinking it would definitely work. Big good luck to your friend, and thank you to you for being there