The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

With regard to detoxing - that's all about the marginal gains. Bradley Wiggins stopped cycling wearing his chunky gold sovereign chav-ring to reduce the drag infantesimally and give him that edge. I could wear no jewellery, shave every part of my body and cycle naked (like a silky smooth pale seal) and obvs come in at -275th place.

The amount of drug addled, obese, alcoholics out there who get pregnant whilst using condoms and on the pill just shows me that my quitting booze isn't gonna help.

SAYING THAT. I've got pcos so I stuck to a pretty regimented eating plan pre EC to lower blood sugar & testosterone. Very high protein and fat, low carb and 2 "eating Windows" a day to improve egg quality, which has a lot of research behind it. But now the eggs are embryos in a freezer, literally, fuck it. Candy King baby.

OFF TOPIC KLAXON
I've turned into a very anti-wellness warrior. Every time someone says they don't eat gluten I'm right down their throat with "oh you have coeliac disease?" And if they say no "...right". Girl at work mentioned she's off gluten these days as it makes her feel really sick and shit a lot (paraphrased, but presume it's what she meant). Mentioned and exclusion diet. Smart arse I am, "are FODMAPping?" "No I haven't got round to it". Another woman pipes up she does FODMAP "ooh no broccoli for you then" and then flounced off for a coffee I like to sound like a smug cunty know-all.

I did all the high protein low carb, green juice and rattling with supplements prep for my first two cycles

Egg quality was absolute dogshit

Third cycle I had barely eaten anything of any nutritional value whatsoever, as I had technically been miscarrying for the previous 8 weeks, and rationalised while I was undergoing the neverending miscarriage I could exist on chocolate digestives for every meal. I was taking the vitamins but my diet was shocking. I also ended up getting completely battered one Sat night, not realising I was going to be able to start stims 5 days later

I asked my consultant if we should delay the cycle as my lifestyle hadn't exactly been, er, optimal. He said it wouldn't make any meaningful difference to my egg quality in the grand scheme of things, as that was determined by two things

1. Age
2. The ovarian environment created by the stims

Whatever had sent my ovarian reserve into a tailspin had fucked my hormones, as my eggs were all but one dud cunts (24 eggs across 2 cycles, 1 chromosomally normal embryo - which I miscarried, obvs. 4 frosties when PGS tested were all abnormal)

My third cycle I had brilliant egg quality. 28 eggs, 9 blasts PGS tested of which 6 were normal

So my conclusion is that whilst the chocolate biscuit diet isn't exactly optimal prep for IVF (especially since unbeknownst to me my PCOS was back - my acne would seem to confirm this), it's science and luck - not diet - that will either get me pregnant or not.

I am glad that most of you seem to have reached the conclusion that diet is not exactly make or break here. I just can't get that worked up about it.

Tiger (and Sara), this is my first fresh round so I did my first ever transfer this morning. I feel incredibly protective and attached to my little embryos. I now so understand you wanting to cherish these unsuccessful rounds just as much.

So this morning I got two decent Day 5 blastocysts 'on board'!

One top grade, one distinctly average. Banana has reassured me that grading is not so important, which matters to me - I am taking the risk of twins, so would like to think it was worthwhile and both blasts may have something to offer. Maybe the lagger is my one genetically normal one?

I have one more embryo that they are monitoring - if it catches up by tomorrow then they will freeze it. I don't think they are very optimistic though - was lagging far behind. The fourth has already conked out and that's my lot.

So feeling good and glad they are back with me and I'm not sitting around waiting for fucking phone calls.

Will attach a photo of my guys but haven't some phone issues - they struggled to get a good one as one of them kept 'breathing'. WTAF??!!

So when would you guys risk a pregnancy test? Cannot recall how long Banana is prepared to wait - she is 5 days ahead of me...Banana?

Lh - wonderful news. Two! I tested from day 9 as found a timetable online that showed time scales etc. Take care.

Oh banana that post made me laugh for the first time in fucking days. X

And here they are...hard to believe isn't it?

Good news LH.

So we've been to clinic today. Am now 12 days into the never ending dr. No sign of a bleed yet. What's the longest I can expect to go?

So lots to think about after the icsi chat.

Generally embryologist seems very positive and says she anticipates a 70-80% fertilisation rate. With icsi we may also loose some anyway with the process too. Slight increase in risk of "minor" birth defects - webbed fingers being the biggest!

She suggests that a possible explanation for our failure to fertilise may be a thick "shell" on the egg. If this looks thick when they do the icsi or if the eggs are oval the suggest doing assisted hatching on day 3.

Having the time lapse camera and the feeling is if there are a couple of front runners on d3 they are inclined to put back then as they are keen to make sure I get to transfer. If loads all looking similar then carry on to blast. If have a d3 they would suggest having 2 back. Apparently this will increase risk of fraternal twins (need to check percentages) but higher order multiples from this low risk. If day 5 and assisted hatching then def only one blast if top quality because of risk of multiples.

They seem positive but I can't get rid of the niggle that it's all going to go tits up again. I also asked what she would suggest if we don't get good embryos/fertilisation this time and she said she would feel that they had reached the end of what the could offer me at that clinic.

I guess I'm now really hanging onto this oval thing/thick shell being our reason for not conceiving. After all M's sample is fine and we know I'm ovulating and as of last August when I conceived and had the MC I had at least 1 patent tube. So what if the boys swimmers just can't get in or anything the does fertilise can't hatch? Would be nice to have an explanation, especially if it's something that can be overcome.

Any thoughts?

Hello Bean...

I don't know your full history, but I'm interpreting the above as repeated poor fertilisation in normal IVF despite no good reason for this happening?

I cannot advise - only share my experience. I have had two natural pregnancies (one DS now 2 and one early miscarriage). With same man we tried a normal IVF but frozen round in March and of 5 mature eggs only 1 fertilised! I was incredibly disappointed. Lister had no explanation. Referred to DH sperm not looking interested and just treading water. Bit insulting.

We have just down a fresh ICSI round, 6 eggs but only 5 mature. Four of these fertilised with ICSI (two of these were transferred back today).

I am stumped about this - my DH sperm is normal (not great, but definitely qualifies for normal IVF).

I feel your stress - I couldn't wait to try ICSI - webbed fingers or not.

How old are you?

Thanks lh. I'm 34. We had zero fertilisation with if despite no known mf issues. I have a 4 year old and have also had a mc. Daughter conceived after clomid (failed), drilling and metformin. Supposed issues of pcos then (but since had ovarian cysts removed and be not pcos) and endo.
Your story is giving me hope. We had 12 eggs with out first cycle and doing the same protocol now.

And we had the same explanation. His sperm looked great o the day they were all mixed but the following morning looked sluggish and disinterested!

Great news LH! I would test early - I think 14dpo equivalent was when I did on my first cycle, and got a short lived +ve at that point. Good luck!

CRGH did ICSI for us without discussing it, and with DHs sperm sample being one of the best they had ever seen, apparently. I think it was due to my first round appearing to have low fertilisation (5 out of 12) when actually it had been 5 out of 7 mature eggs that fertilised, so average, but my notes didn't make this clear. On both cycles they couldn't get all the eggs on one side due to a high ovary, so had fewer mature eggs than expected.

We also has assisted hatching as my current clinic offers it as standard, don't know much about the stats on it though.

Good luck for the 2ww LH!

Sorry I'm not up with all the IVF lingo just yet (my time will come in January) so I struggle to follow/advise those going through it and fear I may say something stupid if I try to.

This article popped up on my Facebook. It has really irked me. Yes, whilst I agree that fertility issues should not be a taboo subject, it doesn't appear on reading it, that Alex Jones actually had any issues falling pregnant. Just a brief worry that she might? Not the same love...

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3786798/amp/Pregnant-Alex-Jones-calls-education-end-taboo-subject-fertility-problems-awaits-arrival-child-39.html?client=safari

So EC scheduled for Friday - I'm last on the list though so will probably be trying to eat my own arm by then, let alone the dehydration... Still no confirmation on whether it a fresh transfer is likely or if they will stick with the original plan of freeze all.

Socks chosen thanks to banana - Cookie Monster it is...

5 day Frozen blasto is now on board. Had a morning of tears and emotions (the first and second Bastos failed on defrosting) but 3rd the charm and it's in. Holding breath for 10 more days now. Shitting the bed.

Lots of 2wws on here! Thinking of you all now that I appreciate how strange this experience can be. I'm going to wait till Jan for second cycle. Holiday at xmas and try naturally for next three months. I will also master a new diet and fitness regime and have the body of an Olympian by DEC. Yeah right. Everything instead of ivf seems utterly pointless and an irritant right now. But I'm feeling more myself again. X

Closephine FUCK OFF ALEX JONES! Biggest cunt to instadiff for a long time. FUCKSSAKE.

Jamie Oliver can fuck right off too - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3786270/You-not-acting-like-parent-Jamie-Oliver-accuses-Theresa-letting-child-Britain-down.html

Why should Theresa May act like a bloody "parent"?! She's being paid to be a prime minister dickhead, plus I'm sure no childless bloke would be attacked in such a way. Smug cunt

Ugh I didn't like Jamie Oliver already but that is just patronising fuckwittery at its best. horrid. And coming from someone whose wife supposedly had fertility issues - nothing a bit of clomid didn't fix I don't think, but still.

Good luck for your 2ww Icy. Sounds like a scary morning. 3rd time lucky though I hope.

PeaOp good luck for tomorrow's EC!

Icy congrats for getting them on board, fingers crossed for you.

Thanks robber

Day starting well - woken by torrential rain which means a beautiful walk to the hospital from the station and then the shower head seal decided to fail as I was in the shower giving the bathroom a liberal hose down and denying DH the chance for a shower. Have slightly cheered him up by pointing out that he can have a bath tonight as, whatever happens there will be no treatment until next year as the nhs waiting list is 3 moths between cycles and they said it wouldn't be quicker even if we self funded cos of the waiting list.

He seems quite pleased as he loves baths.

Now slightly terrified although I know I'll be asleep, it's the waiting around all morning that is freaking me out (last on the list joy!)

See you the other side fiends!

Ps went with the Cookie Monster socks.

Cooooookkiiiiieeesss!

Good Luck for today Peaop - fab socks!

Dreamt last night that we were doing IVF abroad as planned, but for some reason we had to bring the embryo back with us to be implanted here. We were just given it to hold in our hand ended up in some random woman's house (there was a westie dog there and she was possibly the contestant in the current bake off series that wears lipstick and cries). But anyway... of course the embryo got dropped on the carpet and we were searching around for it with a magnifying glass and then I think I decided that potential future child must have been eaten by the dog. Welcome to my subconscious everybody!

I think I just worked out the significance of the dog. I don't think it was a westie, I think it was the dog from Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Quite apt. Clever things brains.

Good luck peaop
LOVE the socks!

Oh gawd closephine stressing all day isn't enough, now your dreams are full of it too! I also did an embryo-related dream, featuring an ex ("wankface"), some lawyers and via parking my car in the west end and spending a night in Buckigham Palace.

When I break down the dream into those components I can kind of work out why each element features - my boss told a sorry about Buck House yesterday; I was on the phone to lawyers in the afternoon. Tbf I don't know why the car or Wankface made an appearance. He's a tosser IRL let alone in my head! He's got a kid now. COURSE he bloody does 😡 It's really cute too adding insult to injury. Cunt.

PeaOp Cookie Monster for the win!! 🍪🍪🍪 stay strong today, long day will drag but at least by tonight it'll be done. Glitter shit for good strong eggs 🐣🦄🦄

Glitter shit for everyone! [throws glittery shit at fan]