The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

Greetings fiends!

Hope you're all having barrentastic weekends

Sorry for lack of personals, on phone

Reading about being a fraud felt like I was in my own head BTW. I just feel like I don't know who I am any more. It feels like life is what happens in between appointments with dildocam - that it's something that happens to other people, and I'm just treading water

Had EC this morning - was classed as a 'cyst aspiration' because we're not making embryos. Can't remember exactly what the Dr said about how many follicles he aspirated as I was still off my tits on sedation. Anaesthetist was agog at the sledgehammer doses of opioid pain meds I take for my spinal injury, said he'd up the fentanyl in the IV as 'I don't think you'd be very impressed with the normal dose'

Main thing is Dr said lining was looking good! He'll do a final check on Weds before we thaw anything - but it's looking loads better than it did last time. So fx will be on for a FET on Thu

Ok fiends - new plan - we should all demand that our OH's have to inject a placebo every time we have to inject something. Thoughts?

Not sure what would work for a substitute dildocam - perhaps a prostate exam .....

Ps go banana ! Crossing everything for good news on Wednesday.

You GO Banana! So happy that things are going well for you. The BIG target is really close!! In a few days you will have one (or two?) of those healthy beautiful embryos in you!!

Sorry not to write more - having terrible 'ovary pain' today - front and back - which I didn't have last time. Struggling...have others had a lot of pain with stims before?

LHReturns how are you feeling? I didn't have pain but towards end of stimmng, I could feel my ovaries with each step I walked. A weird sensation! Hope you feel better and don't have to go to long.
I had et last Monday and have had a cold for last 2 days. The cramps and achy boobs have stopped. Keep thinking period has started but when i check, its just watery stuff. Think will test tomorrow x

Hello Sara, PeaOp, Banana, and all others!

How are you feeling Sara?

Had my second scan today (Day 7 of stims). I have five follicles that are looking juicy, all over 14mm - one proper fatty at 20mm (and lots of small ones unlikely to do anything).

I am a little disappointed there are not more fat follicles but at age 40 with low AMH the nurses think this is good. The psychology wasn't good as she checked the right ovary first and that had only the one MONSTER follicle in it (I think it ate the others). So I was feeling depressed and not listening by the time she got to the other side and saw four nice ones between 14 - 17mm. I dunno - I thought I would do better for some reason.

My lining is good at 10.4mm.

Blood test results also good today - estrogen has tripled to over 3000 since Friday, and LH at 2.7 and P at 2.1.

I trigger tomorrow night at 10pm with egg collection booked for Thursday morning.

Trying to stay positive. I really wanted at least 4 eggs. Plus the one embryo we have to thaw.

Someone talk to me and tell me their news...please....

Hi all

It's hard to keep up! All sounding good for those in the middle of IVF cycles though and good luck for tomorrow Sara! Everything crossed for you.

I've been wallowing in self pity for the last few days. We are planning on having IVF in January but at the moment that feels like an age away. I can't believe we started trying in 2013 and it will be 2017 when we go for the IVF. How on earth has this gone on for so long!? (Sorry I know it's been much longer for some of you on here, I'm just feeling pretty defeated by all this right now!). I'm tired of avoiding people and suspiciously eyeing up people's stomachs in anticipation of a baby bomb All. The. Time.

I think that sounds really positive LHReturns. I only managed three follicles and I'm nearing 40. All the best for Thurs, such a nail biting few days x

close I get what you feel. I too started TTC in 2013. Not long after my 33rd birthday. I will be 36 on Saturday and am totally shitting myself that I will still be doing this when I'm 40, therefore spending the majority of my 30's in this fog..

LH good luck with EC. Sounds like you have some juicy follies so here's hoping they are all ripening nicely.

Hi to everyone else. I am currently catching up with the thread on my phone watching GBBO repeat whilst eating my weight in chocolate. Healthy diet starts next week ready for round 2..

Hi ladies, could the 2 week wait go any slower? This dread of period starting is doing my head in! And I just can't face looking at a single frigging line so putting off testing. Feeling bit off during the day but feel better by evening! All very odd.
Closephine I totally get that. I am 40 in April and seems we've been trying for e.v.e.r. and it is like being stuck on pause while everything else spins around you.
Lh - will be thinking of you on Thursday everything sounds in order and that monster follicle might be why you've been suffering..

Hang on in there sara. Perhaps focus on closer goals? Making it to Friday, finishing a box set (or 3)? Hoping these work as I have no idea how I will wait (not renowned for my patience) if we get that far. Still don't know if we will do a freeze all or not.

Ha peaop I like your plan! I could cheerfully jab my DH sometimes.

Hang in there sara. This is the worst bit. Will you test early? I drove myself insane both times in the last few days. Keeping my fIngers crossed for you.

We're pretty much the same age karla - I turned 36 a few weeks ago. I started ttc in 2012 and worry about how much longer I can go on with it all. My last NHS round is this one, the waits have been ridiculous, and if it doesn't work I am going straight into private treatment without delay. I've even booked us into an open day whilst I will probably still be on the 2ww.

All sounding very positive banana! I am crossing everything for you.

Just catching up on my phone so can't scroll back very far. Waves to everyone else, am cheering you all on from here.

I finally start stabbing today, and scratch is on Thurs (although they are still messing me around with appointment times) so it feels like I am finally getting properly underway. I keep getting little bursts of fear that the embryos won't survive the thaw and it will all be for nothing.

Thank you so much Sara - thinking of you too!

Good luck tigerdog!

Hi fiends

Managed a glorious cock up with injection this evening as pulled the almost empty Gonal pen out of the fridge instead of the new one we opened last night (don't ask why I thought to keep the used up one...I don't know what possessed me). Got almost half way through before j spotted it had stopped going down with 87.5 still needed for a full dose. Sigh. Back to fridge to collect correct Gonal pen, new needle, double big courage required (I HATE needles) to finish the dose. Oh my. That will teach me to be late in and having to rush to get it done in time...

Made mightily better by the fab banana who sent the most awesome EC/ET socks, just need to choose the order of play now....

Is anyone else muttering 'FFS!' every time an ad for Bridget Jones' (stupid) Baby comes on? I'm getting close to the stage where I might actually throw something at the TV if I see it again.

Not been around much lately due to family drama and work, have my baseline scan later and hopefully can start stimming tomorrow. On Monday the buserelin really kicked in and I'm feeling exhausted in a way I've never done before - almost lightheaded and dizzy and aching to my bones. Anyone else had this? Don't expect to feel any better once I start stimming.

Hi Tammy I felt grotty for last couple of days of burserelin but once stimming started felt better. Hopefully you'll pick up.
Started spotting today - been feeling premenstrual - came home from work and did test - bfn. Just want to crawl into a black hole right now. Dreading telling dh when he gets in. Official test day is sat but I'm 9 dp5dt so think can assume failure.

So sorry to hear that Sara, but (without wanting to give you too much false hope) I have seen that sometimes people don't get a bfp right up until the otd so please don't lose all hope yet.

So sorry to hear you got a bfn Sara :( there are no helpful words really. Take care of yourself

Tammy - its Corrie that's getting on my nerves at the moment what with Steve impregnating two women at the same time. One of whom supposedly couldn't have kids and the other on the first attempt at trying. Grrrrr.

Sara I am desperately sorry.

Sara I am so sorry for you.

Thinking of you all.

Sorry to hear that sara

So sorry Sara. Is it worth testing again with FMU in a few days, closer to OTD?

I hope everyone else is ok. This thread needs some good news.

I have got my EC tomorrow morning - so hope to bring some good news to you all.

PeaOp, how are your stims going?

[steps out of lurkio cuoboard]

sara I'm really sorry to read that. take care of yourself.

Re fraudulent life - yup! I don't really give a fuck about work, I'm putting off even thinking about a wedding until it's all "all sorted" whatever that means. Am also not sure I want it enough and that's why it hasn't worked. Have caught myself a few times lately thinking "when all this is over at least I can take up smoking again and this time I'll COMMIT" - I meant wtf.

I'm all systems go for FET next weds. Lining needed to be over "7 to 7.5m"m today (it was 7.6) Final buserelin stab tonight and start the arse bullets on Saturday. Trying not to think about it, as chance of it taking is like 30% (embryologist refused to go into "what are the stats for freeze alls" because doesn't have a big enough sample) albeit if it does take then I guess at least chances of a mc thereafter are reduced.

Wine again last night. Think am alkie.

Oh and FUCK OFF BRIDGET JONES, YOU ARE LITERALLY IN YOUR 50s NOW. IT'S NOT FUNNY OR ENTERTAINING. IT'S FUCKING CREEPY YOU CREEPY CUNT

Glitter shit to the rest of you barren fiends. If we must be barren then at least we don't have to be fucking soppy "I am happy for you I just feel sad for me" twats here. I'm not happy for the Fertiles. I'm bitter as hell.

Stims going ok. Scan yesterday. I have 9 follies under 10mm with 2 "minuscule" others. I got introduced to the bastard joyous cetrotide injection by the lovely nurse. Man that shit burnt and stung. Not as bad today not at all because I had got it all bigged up in my mind into a terrible terrible thing and the reality was less horrible. Did make my poor DH do it though. Not sure it would have gone so smoothly if I had done it...

Next scan is Monday.

Glittery shit for your egg collection today LH