TTC and stress/anxiety

[hedgehog1975]

Hi,

I just wondered what everyone else has done to deal with the stress of ttc?! We have been trying now for nearly 4 years (on and off – we did have almost a year’s break when I got promoted a couple of years ago). Have had a horrible year this year, with work being really stressful and my Grandma being diagnosed with a terminal illness, and with the fertility investigations on top my stress levels have gone though the roof! I sometimes even feel anxious when nothing particularly bad is happening, as it’s so ingrained to feel like this all the time now.

Over the last few weeks I’ve made a real effort to combat this, as it can’t be helping, so I thought it would be nice to have a place to share ideas. I’ve been having hot stones massages between cd 7-14, acupuncture 3 times per month, walking to work, eating more fruit and veg and doing yoga and breathing exercises. I’m feeling much calmer and even my assistant at work (who doesn't know what's going on) said the other day I seemed calmer. But I wondered what everyone else did and was hoping for some more tips!

Hx

I'm sorry about your Grandma, it must be a very difficult time for you, especially if you are close. My Grandma passed away 3 years ago, i was her only grandchild and we were very close so it was very upsetting. Thankfully i don't have a stressful job but iv'e heard that some jobs can be very stressful! I feel anxious every day and always worry about what might happen tomorrow or the day after. I have read that high stress and anxiety is not good for the body when trying to conceive. Iv'e been trying now for close to 18 months and nothing is happening. I'm 38 so age is not on my side. I was always super-fertile in the past, i have 3 children and conceived each one of them in the first month of trying. I had a nasty break-up with their father in 2009 which was very traumatic and stressful. I swear to this day that all the stress has caused my infertility now. It was as if my fertility just plummeted overnight. Within 3 months of the split my periods began to go haywire and haven't been right since. I married my lovely husband last year whom i met in 2011. He has no children of his own so i'm desperate to give him one. I think the fact that he has no kids is adding to the pressure. The more stressed i become about it is stopping me from conceiving! I really do believe that stress causes infertility. I have no advice or tips to give you really as i am in a similar situation to you and am a bit of an emotional wreck! Do you have any children ? Have you and your partner had any fertility investigations and tests ? x

We are ttc no. 1 and we've had investigations, although I don't really feel they've been sufficient (NHS). The consultant said that I didn't ovulate, so I've tried Clomid, but stopped it as they wouldn't scan me even once. My temperature charts and opks seem to indicate otherwise though so I'm quite confused! We get referred for IVF in January, so I might give the Clomid one last go next month before that.

I just got the Zita West relaxation CD and found it really good! I'm throwing everything at this relaxation business, as I think it's the only thing I have any control over! It is turning out to be quite expensive though

Sorry to hear about your Grandma too, it's rubbish isn't it? I got quite panicky in the summer about whether she would get to meet her great grandchild, but the prognosis is slightly better now that it was then, which is good. I know it's all out of my hands anyway. I do think relaxation help - at the very least we're giving ourselves the best shot. I am 36, so time isn't really on my side either, although we get 3 goes on the NHS around here before the age of 39, so I'm focusing on the positives at the moment.

Good luck with it all

Hx

I have been ttc for over 18 months and am due for tube removal and IVF next year. I too have found this very stressful and have tried a number of things.

Yoga once a week, reflexology twice a month, acupuncture once a week if poss, some counselling sessions which helped me to see that work was a massive stress in my life. It gave me the courage to step down from a very high position and take a step back for a bit and look after myself a bit more. Is this an option?

Hi hedgehog - I'm in the same place as you, 36 and TTC; I know I am a stress-y kind of person so have been making a real effort to combat it! The main things that have made a difference for me are:

• reflexology: I found mine through a local Google search (reflexology for infertility or similar) and she is a lovely lady, it's nice just to talk to her really. The massage bit is a bonus :)
• not doing any work once I leave work: I used to check my BB all evening & weekend. Now since my boss was an arse I don't bother - it goes off when I leave the office, I switch it on again when I'm on my way in.
• reading the Marisa Peer 'Trying to get Pregnant' book as recommended by a kind lady on MN. It's about positive thinking, visualisation etc - it's given me a new way of looking at things.
• exercise such as running if I could be bothered, badminton, swimming etc. Whatever takes your mind off things really.
• focus on something else such as planning a nice holiday!

I know it's really hard to forget about TTC, I'm currently CD21 and yes, I think about getting a BFP ALL THE BLOODY TIME but I try not to let it worry me as much as it did. It can be expensive too, I found it easier in summer when I could at least go out for a run and not want to lurk indoors with the chocolate Hobnobs!

My main worry is that the 'issue' (if there is one) is with my OH and not me; we've been TTC for 9 months, I've had the initial blood tests and all seems normal, so the next step would be for him to have a sperm test which he really doesn't want. Men eh?!

I hope you are managing to relax in the run up to Christmas (difficult as that may be!!) and good luck with the TTC xx

PS just ordered 3 Zita West books from the library, thought I'd give them a go for 60p each and then buy them from Amazon if I like them! The CD's quite expensive though isn't it?! This TTC business isn't cheap....!

Hi everyone. Trying to answer all of the points on my phone so bear with me!

Ruby, I managed to get the CD from eBay, for a fiver! I just set up a saved search and kept going until I got one! They are quite expensive new, but I suppose in comparison to acupunture they aren't too bad and it's a one off. I am trying to use mine every night at the moment.

A few people have mentioned reflexology. I'd love to give that a go. We could only really afford to do one thing at the beginning so I chose acupunture (didn't seem right choosing the thing that I would enjoy the most!). Is it just like a nice foot massage or does it really do some good? I am going for a stone massage each month, once I know I'm not pregnant. It's the most relaxing thing I've ever done!

Ruby - would he agree to a time limit? After which he will go for a test. My dh was reluctant too at the beginning and I was surprised how worried he was about it (luckily it came back normal). I think sometimes because we are in tune with our bodies, and also come on forums like this, it's usual for the woman to be a step or two ahead of the man mentally. They do get it easier than us, he has had to produce one sample whereas I've lost count of the of times I've been prodded and poked and jabbed! Still, it's not nice for them either.

Am going to try the book mentioned above, thank you. Someone also mentioned counselling, are we supposed to get that on the NHS? I thought I read thst we were but it has never been offered.

I sort of think that by throwing everything possible at the stress something may work

Yy to all if the above band would add hypnofertility to the list. If you're in Scotland dm me and I'll tell you who I used.

Oooh, good idea about the CD, I will set up an ebay search :)

I think you're entirely right about women being ahead of men - after all, we're the ones who obsess about look for every pregnancy symptoms, men don't have a clue! My cunning plan at the moment is that his mum & dad will nag him about grandchildren so much over Christmas that he'll be desperate to scuttle down to his GP on Jan 1st and ask for a test ;)

Not sure if you get counselling on the NHS; I would imagine it might be dependent on where you live, but in any case I'd have thought it would be quicker to go private? I know it was when I went to Relate with an ex. Sorry, another expense to add to the list!

I'm not in Scotland Troopers but thank you for the offer - you found hypnofertility useful then?

Very useful - gave me a totally different outlook and made me very calm.

The positive visualisation that we worked on is now real.

Good luck x

Thanks Troopers, that's really interesting. I've had a look at my nearest hypnofertility consultation and it's around £60 per session, so that might have to wait till the new year! This relaxing lark really isn't cheap.....!

AF arrived today, sigh. Three days early - double sigh :( I think this is because I'm very stressed (pressure at work with deadlines next week, and in the middle of moving house), eating crap Christmas goodies and haven't been to the gym for ages - just not had time in between packing stints. Nearly had a cry at work (again) today and thought, why am I doing this?! I've been there five years, my workload has more than doubled and there's no help in sight. As soon as I've moved I will be in full-on job hunting mode; I know that doesn't bode well for maternity pay, but I probably won't go back anyway as we have no local affordable childcare, and at this rate I won't have to worry about that anyway.....

Sorry, bad day today! Congrats on your DC though and I will definitely give hypnofertility some thought!! x

I also stuck with a job I wasn't into for bloody ages for mat pay. Tbh I'm not sure whether it was the right thing to do or not.

On the one hand I was doing it in my sleep (not bragging) but on the other I was totally taken advantage of and bored bored BORED and I'm sure that probably added to the stress

Who knows if it was the right thing to do? Grass is always greener and all that

Good luck x

Thank you! I had a bit of a strop earlier, marched down to Asda and bought some big chocolate pancakes. Scoffed two straight away & am now feeling a bit better from the carbs and sugar. Not a long term solution but has helped me tonight at least!!

My work are just complete cheapskates who won't hire another person if they can possibly make other people do extra. I think when I leave they will find it difficult to replace me - not that anyone is irreplaceable, but I've just been given more and more over the years, and like you I'm fed up with being taken advantage of.

I'll definitely give the hypnofertility some thought, if only OH would do the same with his sperm test..... x

It sounds like we work for the same company Ruby! I lost the 2 full time staff members in my department (the 2 qualified ones) and am left with a part time assistant. Yet the workload has gone up! Doesn't help with the stress levels at all.

Sorry to hear AF arrived think it might be on the way for me too - Fertility Friend keeps changing my ov date this month so I've no idea where I am.

Hypnofertility sounds good - there is one quite near me. It's all so expensive I think I need to win the lottery!

Off to bed with my Zita West cd now!

Bastards, aren't they?! My work instituted a snazzy new system a few months back. It increased our workload by about 20%, but did we get anyone extra to help?! Of course not. And now the MD wonders why we're all grumpy & fed up & work isn't getting done as quickly as it used to...

How's it going with the CD? I was so grumpy last night that I didn't bother with my usual Marisa Peer visualisation, grrr! My Zita West books have arrived at the library now, so I'll pop down & get those tomorrow; I'm sure my OH thinks I'm obsessing over this, but I just want to do all I can to increase our chances. If it gives me the motivation to lose a stone or so then that would be good too!

Re: ovulation, have you thought of investing in a CBFM? (Apologies if you have one & I've missed it in a previous post!). I've found mine quite reassuring in proving that I do actually OV every month, maybe that would be helpful for you?

Hurrah, only 4 hours of work left this week, let's hope I make it through unscathed!!

Bastards, aren't they?! My work instituted a snazzy new system a few months back. It increased our workload by about 20%, but did we get anyone extra to help?! Of course not. And now the MD wonders why we're all grumpy & fed up & work isn't getting done as quickly as it used to...

How's it going with the CD? I was so grumpy last night that I didn't bother with my usual Marisa Peer visualisation, grrr! My Zita West books have arrived at the library now, so I'll pop down & get those tomorrow; I'm sure my OH thinks I'm obsessing over this, but I just want to do all I can to increase our chances. If it gives me the motivation to lose a stone or so then that would be good too!

Re: ovulation, have you thought of investing in a CBFM? (Apologies if you have one & I've missed it in a previous post!). I've found mine quite reassuring in proving that I do actually OV every month, maybe that would be helpful for you?

Hurrah, only 4 hours of work left this week, let's hope I make it through unscathed!!

Some great ideas here. I have 2 DD's, 22 and 4!
Have been ttc number 3 for what will be 3 years in Feb. The other 2 were both conceived very easily (dd1 particularly, a little surprise!!) so we were expecting another to come but... To be honest I've pretty much given up hope of us getting another and some days it really upsets me and other days I'm ok. Have had loads of tests, both of us and DH has quite a low sperm count and I'm 40 so some issues on both sides. I do get the odd day when I think it's the right thing so acceptance is slowly coming but I'm not there yet! having said that I've had significant bad back troubles this year so really don't know how I'd have coped had I got pregnant.
However, we are doing nothing to prevent it so we shall see!
New year is coming, maybe we'll all get lucky then!

Hi mouldy, it's hard to stay positive isn't it? I've just started reading one of the Zita West books on conception, and she's describing it as a vicious circle - you start TTC, it doesn't happen, you get more stressed, it's less likely to happen. Grrrrr. I'm sure it's a very good book and that Zita knows what she's talking about, but that made me blub - just started AF & in the middle of moving house, I have enough stress to cope with as it is!

Once I've handed the keys back to the estate agent tomorrow morning I think there will be more blubbing, and then I have to start the unpacking :(

On the bright side, by new year it should all be done, and the diet starts Boxing Day!!

Excercise, try a new hobbie, do something physical ... I signed up to the gym & also ski lessons! Felt mad and crazy on day 1 but realised afterwards was first time in weeks id stopped thinking about ttc. Helped as got me to put down my phone (not worked completely lol) and put down Google search!

Hi Hope, just wanted to say thank you for the tip! My OH is dead keen in skiing again, he did it a few years back - me, not so much, no balance and don't like heights. But, you are entirely right, it would no doubt take my mind off things!

My cycle seems pretty screwed up this month, on CD20 and still getting high readings on the CBFM but no peak. OH has also told me that when he had a sperm test a few years ago, he was told that his count was below average for his age then (late 30s) so who knows what it's like now he's 42. Sometimes I feel really panicky because I think what if it never happens for us? And then sometimes I think that would be ok, lots of people never have kids for one reason or another and they cope; just sad when we would so love to have one.

Anyway! Sorry, wandered off into feeling-sorry-for-myself mode then, we've only been TTC for around 9 months so not THAT long really. We're both trying to lose a bit of weight, so I think I'm going to suggest a weekly challenge to him - every week we have to go somewhere different to do something active, whether it's a new place to walk, new swimming pool, whatever. Hopefully that will make exercising a bit more fun!

Hope everyone is well and looking forward to 2014

Hedgehog - how are you getting on with all your stress-relieving measures? xx

Much better thanks Ruby, although I think 2 weeks off work helped Having a monthly massage now as well, which slightly softens the blow of af arriving....

I hate exercising....I can just about manage a yoga session per week (half an hour of which is laying down anyway), I think having your oh do it with you should help! I have no motivation at all and am extremely lazy.

Good luck for 2014 everyone. I am feeling quite positive this month, had a good temperature rise and was off work with dh at the time, which is unusual, think I need to take off days 10 to 15 every month!

Hx

Monthly massage! Amazing. I'm now on CD21 and still getting a 'high' reading, don't think that's right though!

In the meantime I've joined a few weight loss threads - am determined to lose a stone because I want to rule that out as a cause of any issues! - I don't have the patience for yoga but swimming was good yesterday, and I'm dancing tonight. OH is moaning about giving up dairy for health reasons (he was recently diagnosed as being lactose intolerant) but I just ignore his bleating really...

My doctor told me that high FSH can be linked to stress. Iv'e been trying to conceive for 19 months, i'm 38. Just over a year ago i was really stressed out with moving house and i had my day 3 FSH tested around that time. It was 20 and my doctor said i was menopausal at age 37!! It was retested month later and it was within normal range so doctor then said i wasn't menopausal but my high FSH was probably due to high stress. My FSH had stayed pretty much the same for the past year, around the 10 or 11 mark. Until 2 weeks ago - it has now jumped back up to 20. This past couple of cycles i have been super-stressed, about not conceiving! Have been getting myself into a real state, so i do think stress is a lot to blame for not falling pregnant.

Hi erilou - it's a vicious circle isn't it - you don't conceive and get stressed about it, which makes you less likely to conceive!!

Has your doctor suggested any further help about the FSH levels?

I am off to the gym shortly. Not sure that this will help with stress levels in general, but I need to lose the lb's somehow, or it's back to Fat Fighters for me!