What to say to DSis?

[VashtaNerada]

DSis is considering IVF but is very worried about the heartbreak that can result from it. Is there anything I can say to help her with her decision (bearing in mind I have DC and don't want to say anything that could make her feel worse)?

Could you be a surrogate?

I've considered it but she's saying she really wants to go through pregnancy (and obviously it's a huge commitment which I wouldn't make lightly!)

Just listen. You don't need to offer advice, but you can be a valuable sounding board while she works through her options and worries.
Just be sensitive and accepting of whatever decision she comes to (I think you sound very caring). It's a bug decision, but it's her decision - your availability to listen will be really helpful.

Thanks callamia

Just listen allow her to come to her own conclusion but offer support.

Just let her talk through her options and let her come to her own conclusion. And then support that decision.

I've got DTs conceived after our third fresh cycle of IVF (we also had a failed frozen cycle after our first fresh round).

On a personal note, the rounds that failed were heartbreaking. But so was being childless. Obviously, I'm ecstatic that it worked, but I know I had to try it. I wanted to make sure I would never regret looking back and thinking "what if".

I'm not sure offering to be a surrogate is helpful. That's making an assumption that she cannot carry a pregnancy, and without knowing the reasons for her infertility it may not be a helpful solution. If a surrogate doesn't have intrauterine insemination (IUI), then they are likely to have an embryo created by IVF or ICSI transferred so it doesn't necessarily eliminate the process.

If your DSis isn't producing high enough quality eggs then it may be that she needs an egg donor. But as she is considering IVF this seems less likely at the moment.

I think I read somewhere that about 80% of women undergoing IVF do get pregnant if they give it up to four cycles.

Thanks everyone. I definitely wouldn't bring up the subject of surrogacy / egg donation unless it became apparent this was necessary.