Surrogacy

[Janoschi]

Hello

I have 2 very very dear friends who are desperate to become parents, to the degree that they almost hit financial ruin going through 3 rounds of unsuccessful IVF.

I already have a lovely little DD and both my DP and I have no wish to expand our family further. I've often thought of offering myself as a surrogate for my friends but am very unsure of how to raise this with my DP.

I had a fairly simple pregnancy - SPD and some bleeding but I'm a healthy person. I did have a miscarriage before DD. DD's birth was traumatic though and I know DP won't want to witness a repeat of this.

Can anyone give me some advice here on how to broach the subject with DP?

Thank you!

What an amazing thing you are considering doing!
I am full of admiration for you.
I can't really advise except to say the sooner the better for discussing it with your DP. Don't say you have already made up your mind but say that you would like to discuss it so you could decide together.
No doubt he will come up with things you hadn't considered. Let us know what you decide!

Thank you for your time replying to my message. You're very encouraging and it's much appreciated. I'll see how it goes... slowly slowly!

Do you know if surrogacy is a an option for your friends? If IVF isn't working out for them it could be for a number of reasons, and offering yourself as a surrogate might not help.
Is is worth finding this out before broaching it with your DH

I'm not 100% sure, no. From what I understand, the issue is menopausal so I imagine I'd possibly have to provide the egg as well.

It's a tricky thing, who to broach the subject with first! In one way I'd like to find out if my friends would be interested before I antagonise DH, but there's also the point that I shouldn't offer what I might not be able to follow through with - they've had enough dashed hopes as it is without me adding to them.

I'm going to offer surrogacy as a floaty, whispered option to my friends. Will say if you ever want to open that door, know that I'd be happy to help in any way they wish, even if it goes nowhere in the end. No pressure, no nosiness, just a simple, casual offer.

If they take it, I'll talk to DH.

Thank you both so much for the help, also those on the AIBU thread last night!

If the issue is egg quality in your friend due to maternal age, it is highly possible you could just donate an egg or two (lots of threads on here about egg donation) and your friend could carry the pregnancy herself.

I'm not clear on the details. I've already offered egg donation but they can't afford another round of IVF, both emotionally and financially....